A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help! Im in a lil dilemma at the mo. I have gotten into a messy relationship wiv a girl who is in a relationship already. Prob is she was just going about her life and maybe thought that was it for her and she would settle for her less than perfect relationship as shes just turned 30 hes 40 and they have big probs. Anyhow i met her remotley via e-mail, phone etc and hit it off in a big way. Met in at her office and both were blown away with how much chemistry/attraction there was. This progressed to going for the odd brew at hers where wed talk for hours, nothing else. Suddenly things changed and we kissed and not long after that we were having amazing sex. Wed then snatch these moments as couldent do all normal things when shes seeing someone else (he lives) away. Now after one time she was fine after and then just stopped replying to my texts calls. I left it and a couple of weeks later dropped some flowers at hers saying i hoped she was ok. She was back in touch like a shot telling how much shed missed me and my contact although she shouldent cos she has a fella. Its like were best friends that have gone to far. Anyhow the circle starts again with the atraction building and although she knows she shouldent see me we arrange and she backs out cos of guilt and goes cold. However i have still met up with her once or twice and we cannot resist each other although hurts us both/ turns her into a bitch which she aint really (i know she sounds like it). I am at the stage where she has just been acting bratty again as if she doesnt care and theres nothing between us but i know this aint true cos of all the time she is mad about me and prob thinking of me now as i am her!!! I am at the end of my emotional teather and will not go on like this she is probably worse cos of the issues of her fella/me.She knows how i feel and am opposite of him. Shes said in the past that hes been hurt before and if he found out hed kill her, he has no one except her, not sure how hell cope and the very least he will smash her house up, oh and all her his family and friends will be so dissapointed in her!!! And she says she loves him but not in love??? Anyhow i am very like her and would walk away if she said she didnt want me but she carnt. She also doesnt seem able to leave him though. I have texted and apologised for last argument as she has apologised too saying i deserve a lot better. I see this as a rational decision to let me go but know in her heart she will be thinking of me all the time and if i rang in a few days she would be made up but nothings changed. i have left it texting her that she deserves to be happy/we both do and hope we can be friends and thats shes feelin better. I think its all down to guilt. Wot do i do now break off contact cos if she wants me shell dump her fella and come to me or be there for her just as a friend as i now cannot cope with the intimacy big prob that we were both so compatable there too??? PS Im same age as her and when ive asked her if she thinks shell marry her fella she says no. Hes been pressurin her to move in too and she aint sure of this either. There goin on holiday in a month too that should be fun for her. Should i just give her space to let her come to me? Or be there for her and let her know while she sorts her life out. Ultimately I want her and im not a needy person but am worried about her cos when shes cold i know there is a lot more going on underneath.Hope you can help.
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female
reader, kittykinsjellybean +, writes (28 July 2007):
Hi,
Your feelings for this woman are plain to see and you're obviously feeling very torn and confused. I think you have to walk away from this woman, if she truelly loves you then she will follow. If it is true that she is genuinly unhappy with her love life she will have to be the one who makes the break-you can't do it for her.
It might be an idea to set some ultimatum aswell. At the moment she has the best of both worlds her husband and you whenever she picks and chooses. You don't sound the kind of person who will tell her partner whats going on so even if you stayed friends she would still have that hold on you and you will never truelly ever get over your deeper feelings for her. You need to tell her you will wait but not forever. She might not react well to this but thats her problem really, you need to regain some comtrol in the situation as at the moment she is definitely holding all the cards.
I hope everything works out well and that you find happiness in your love life eventually
take care
xxx
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (28 July 2007):
 With the contact that you have at the moment she knows she still has you, so yes i do think you should stop the contact and let her come to you if thats what she wants.
Take care.xx.
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