A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has been aking for us to have sex with another couple for years now. Before we were married I have had 2 foursomes (2 guys/another girl) and they were ok, but the first one ended my previous relationship. I have also had a threesome with another girl with my husband (before marriage). My husband and I have spoken about it many times and I feel my feelings towards group sex has changed since we got married.I have told him about this and he has said that is what attracted him to me initially and I knew what type of guy he was before we got married.Now he's saying that if we aren't sexually compatible I should leave him so he can do what he wants freely.I just feel like I have made a promise before we were married and now if I don't do it he'll leave me and if I do do it I'll be upset with myself.I don't want a divorce but I don't want to be the person I used to be.What should I do?
View related questions:
divorce, sex with another, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jen, +, writes (23 August 2009):
 Well, I just think that's wrong.
You're married. Why does he now want another girl so that you have group sex. Isn't having sex with you enough?
I would leave this guy. It's like what some of the people said.
It would give your husband permission to cheat on you.
Don't do it, if your not comfortable with it.
Good Luck
Jen x
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Your husband is basically asking for permission to cheat on you with another woman, and calling it "okay" because you'll be there. Trust me, you will regret this with every ounce of your fiber. So the choice is yours. Leave him with your dignity intact, or allow him to have another woman while you watch and pretend to participate and then you'll resent him from that day on (and never trust him either). Just say no. If he really divorces you over this, then he would've just cheated on you anyhow.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): This is just my instincts talking, but they have been right before. I believe that even if you go through with this he will leave you eventually anyway. Having sex with other people will not keep him! This sort of arrangement requires a strong relationship BEFORE engaging in sexual activities outside of the marriage. This will not help your relationship! Leave him!
...............................
A
female
reader, MonicaC  +, writes (22 August 2009):
 I think SamanthaX made some good suggestions, and I agree with her. I would add that you really need to do some soul-searching on this issue. It's for sure that over time we all change, and it sounds like you've sown your wild oats already and don't really see the need to sow more. Your husband, on the other hand, seems to not be able to grow up and understand that compromise and reserve might be more suitable at this point in life than wild sowing of the oats, especially if you, his most significant other, doesn't want the same thing. It seems that he wants to have his cake, eat it, and make you eat it too whether you want it or not. That's just wrong.
Please take a look at yourself in the mirror and understand that what the woman standing there wants is the key to future happiness. You deserve a husband who respects you and what you want.
...............................
A
male
reader, Slapshot +, writes (22 August 2009):
Unfortunately, I just don't think a married couple can withstand that kind of environment unless you are both 100%. Can it be done; yes but not unless both people totally believe in it. The doubt and hurt I think it would cause could be really difficult to ever get past. What your husband needs to understand is; after a year or so of marriage NOBODY is the same person you married. That's what makes marriage so tough sometimes. Everyone changes and you have to look past those changes and love the PERSON you married and love them even MORE for how they've changed. It doesn't sound like he is willing to do so. That's too bad.
I am a person who truly believes in the commitment of marriage, but at the same time you can't risk your health and emotional well-being by being with someone who is having sex with other people. In our society today people think the fairy-tale of dating-marriage-honeymoon should last forever and when it doesn't, divorce. But your case is different. You absolutely must look out for your health and emotional stability. I say, if he can't see that then you are better off without him. Sorry.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): I'm sorry. I think your husband is being very selfish and insensitive to your feelings. I can't believe he is basically saying that if you don't agree to group sex, he will leave you. That is horrible.
This must be a difficult decision to have to make. I understand you not wanting to lose your husband. But at what cost? At the cost of your self-esteem? Your feelings? How you view yourself? Why is it all about him? This is a marriage, right? So you count just as much as him.
My opinion is that you shouldn't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. If you go ahead and do it to keep your husband happy...what about your happiness? You say that you have already experienced this kind of sex before, and don't want to go there again. So are you willing to do something you don't want just to keep your husband happy?
To be honest though, from the sound of your husband, I don't think it will really make much difference. Even if you go ahead with it, it won't end. He may be happy for a while, but he will soon want to do it again.
I understand that you love your husband, but what kind of marriage is this? I am sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but I just cannot believe his attitude.
It is your choice to make though, so think it through carefully. And whatever you decide to do, don't be hard on yourself. We can only make the best decisions we can, and we have to do what we feel is right for ourselves. So try to be kind to yourself. Take care. x
...............................
|
