A
female
age
26-29,
*agic_3
writes:So here's my problem..... I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and I love him to death. He's my best friend and I don't know what i would ever do without him. But the thing is my family doesn't really like me to have a steady boyfriend so early, and I get that, I'm only 16 I need to just be a teenager but they just don't understand. They really like my boyfriend they would rather him be my friend though. My extended family gives me crap all the time about it and it hurts me..I've tried to end it to make my family happy but each time I try it destroys me and I can't take it and end it for real. I guess my question is what do I do at this point? I can't leave him, I love him too much and I need him, but I can't handle hearing it from my family anymore it hurts after awhile!! Please help! What do I do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 That's a bit vague, we should have more details, because it depends.
Like, are you complaining about the annoying but basically affectionate ribbing that ALL young people gets from their families about their love object ? Grin and bear, it's harmless, deep down they are all ... a bit jealous because they'd like to be young and in love again .
Or, is there any objective cause of concern for your parents ? in which case, you'd better listen to them with an open mind and not put on defensive walls on principle.
Like, are you ( I hope not ) one of those stupid teenagers who have no other interest and no social life outside their relationship ? One of those girls that fill every single free moment of the day with texts amd phone calls to their bf, and without him just mope and don't know what to do with themseloves ? are you giving him too much time and too little to school, friends, hobbies, sports, etc ?
If this is the case, I'd be a concerned parent too. Teenage boyfriends ,sadly, rarely last for good, you may find yourself having foolishly wasted time and potential on a pipe dream.
Are they afraid he may pressure you into taking it too seriously too soon, like getting engaged or married before you even had a chance to know life a bit and find out what you REALLY want out of it ? Other reasonable cause for concern.
Are they concerned you may became sexually active too soon ( at least for their tastes ) , or , if you are already, that you two are not mature enough to handle it responsibly, and avoid unwanted pregnnacy ? Another very reasonable concern, not to be dismissed.
Does this relationship make you very reactive emotionally, in a perpetual roller coaster where you are wildly happy when things are good with the bf and terribly unhappy when you fight ? ( I'm not saying it's you but hey it happens often with teenagers ). That's another thing that, rightly, parents don't like.
All in all, there may be dozens of reasons why your family does not like you to have a steady boyfriend, and some have more ground than others. If we don't know exactly WHY they object to this relationship, and what action or behaviour connected to this relationship they don't want you to do, it's hard to tell you how to handle it.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 The first thing to do is have a conversation with your parents and find out exactly what their concerns are. Try your best to keep an open mind and give them a fair hearing. Then ponder what they've said for a while before replying. Do they have legitimate concerns? If yes, is there any way you can alter how you conduct your relationship with your boyfriend to address those concerns? If no, tell them in a thoughtful and non-confrontational way why you think the concerns are not valid. If you show that kind of maturity they're more likely to back off. The bottom line is that they care about you and they're trying their best to do what they think is right -- if you keep that in mind, it'll be an easier discussion to have.
As for your extended family, they're likely influenced by your parents' comments -- they'll come around if you can work with your parents.
For what it's worth, my 18 year old daughter has been with the same guy for nearly two years, and my 16 year old daughter has had the same boyfriend for a year or so. My primary concern was that they be quality guys who treat my girls well, and I'm satisfied that's the case. I do think the older one in particular 'settled down' too quickly, but as far as mistakes go that's pretty minor and I don't choose to interfere -- she'll learn as she goes along.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Tell them to shove it?
Maybe that's a bit too blunt, but honestly he makes you happy. Nothing else should matter.
It sounds to me like you might have a problem standing up for yourself when your family/extended family makes fun of you.
Don't be afraid to tell them you love him. Next time they say that you shouldn't be with him reply with something like 'I love him. I'm going to be with him. It doesn't matter to me what you think of it anymore.'
Of course, not that verbatim, but you get the idea.
I'm sorry if I'm being too honest, but please look past all the judgment that they are shoving at you and choose what makes you happy, even it if that means stepping on their toes a bit to get to that person who makes you happy.
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