A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So 3 months ago I caught my (ex)-boyfriend of 2 years (we started dating when he was 18, now he's 20 and I am 4 years older than him and 24) flirting with another girl (let's call her Girl #1--she happens to be your atypical "hot girl"). After a month of him refusing not to break contact with Girl #1, I broke up with him. Throughout this whole ordeal he kept saying how much he loves me and wants to be with me, yet he refused to stop seeing her. After the breakup, I didn't talk to him for 1 month although he would text me frequently about how he wanted me back/loves me/missed me/etc. After 1 month, he cuts ties with Girl #1 even though she still wanted to date him and he tried to ask for me back. We were considering getting back together, when he admitted that he started liking Girl #2. Girl #2 was kinda the "rebound" girl--she's a really sweet girl who was there for him after we broke up and became a really good friend to him.So now he wants to date Girl #2. He says he just needs to get dating around "out of his system because he's young". However, I know for a fact that he likes and cares about Girl #2. Girl #2 also knows about me and has been contacting me letting me know that she'll be careful and hold onto him until "he's ready to be with me again". Girl #2 has some issues with HER ex-bf who she's deeply in love with. She's trying to let go of him because it was an abusive relationship. They both assure me that they won't fall in love with each other, but I don't know...My ex still pretends to his family that I am still his girlfriend (ie. He lives with his parents and lets me come over and eat dinner with family, we've started to have sex again, he asks me out on dates, I am invited to family functions, etc.--Note: Girl #2 has no idea about all this). However, all of my ex's friends thinks that he's exclusively dating Girl #2.So here's my dilemma. I know part of the reason that my ex is with Girl #2, other than the reason that he likes her, is to try to get her over HER abusive ex. I like this girl a lot too and I feel like MY ex is capable of doing it. I know at this point they are not "serious"--as they are not official (no gf/bf titles). Also, I don't to be "official" with my ex right now because of all the drama that happened with Girl #1. I really feel like he needs time to "grow up" in order to be with me again. But I enjoy his company and I do see a future with him someday--which is why I still pretend to be his girlfriend around his family.Yes, I want to be with my ex together someday "officially", and I am sure he feels mutual or he wouldn't still pretend I'm his girlfriend around his family...But I always doubt and ask myself if he really loves me? And I'm scared Girl #2 and my ex will fall in love. So, my main question here is...what the hell is going to happen? And what's happening right now? Do you all think I should be doing something different?
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female
reader, AuntieSnap  +, writes (26 September 2010):
Hi There,
Good grief!!!! He wants to have his cake and eat it not only that but make a bloomin great trifle out of the remains. Yes by all means allow him to entertain himself, but DO NOT put yourself down and let him come back once hes had his fun otherwise he will continue to do so for evermore and theres nothing you would be able to do about it because you gave him the green light at the beginning. You're setting yourelf up as a doormat. Is this what you want for the rest of your natural? Anyone who has the gall to expect that this is acceptable has no regard or respect for you as a person or your feelings. Get rid of El Sleazo and move on girl, your worth 1000% more than he could ever give. Grow a backbone, raise a finger and tell him to shoot the breeze.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 You need to stop mothering him . You are only 4 years older than him,but you have already initiated a kind of mother/son dynamic where you are basically dealing with a spoiled brat and thinking that if you give in to some of his tantrums now, then he will be a good boy and eat up his veggies as he is supposed to do.
I understand that since you are involved emotionally it 's quite impossible you see your situation with the necessary
detachment. But we Aunts are not, and to our not-in-love eyes , all this, like the other poster says, is utterly ridiculous.
So your kiddie wants some time out to go play with his little friend "because he's young "- then he'll come back to you (providing he does not fall in love with his playmate first )? ...Oh please. Tell him to go watch the Teletubbies on his own.
You need to put yourself again in the center of your life.
The abusive ex boyfriend... the long suffering girl no. 2..
the boyfriend 's parents who are not supposed to know the truth.....are you really supposed to care about all that?
And why exactly ? Is there any particular reason why you should be concerned about everybody's convenience and wellbeing BUT yours ?
Think about it, and when you find an answer,you'll know what to do.
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (23 September 2010):
 If my man wanted to date another girl i would let him and when he wanted me back i would laugh in his face. You are letting him do this and you even have empathy for the other girl. Your are way too "nice" and you will not be treated right if you don't get a spine. if he needs to go date around then you do the same and see how he likes it. Letting him claim you and her is ridiculous
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