A
female
age
36-40,
*ickey26
writes:I am about to get married next yr in Apirl, everything was going good when my fiance ask me do i think we doing the right thing. I told him that if he love me the way i love him that we was. well he said that the love thing is there but he was having a lil doubt..I was a little upset cause we have already put money into this wedding and booked our honeymoon trip. so when i start asking him questions like where did this all come from, cause befor he left to go to the field i set him down and i talk to him about us getting married and how will we be money wise, and he said we will be fine that it should change anything even when we have a child. but know he said he worried that he will fail me, that what if he couldn take care of me once we get married or what if he get deploy and has to leave me by myself. And me and him went through a deployment togather he cheated on me..I never cheated on him I stood by him the whole year. I am really good to this man, now when im trying to talk to him about it, he is talking me to forget it, but I cant I have to make sure we are doing the right thing we been dating for 3yrs now, this is my first marriage and this will be his second. I dont want to push for if he is having doubts. When I started questioning him about he thought I was talking at him as he call it. but i really was trying to understand whats going on with him. Im thinkin it might be something else, but I could be wrong, because we are leaving togather now and he is about to retire in 3yr...I think he might be getting cold feet...Do you think I should push back the wedding or call the whole thing off?
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female
reader, Mickey26 +, writes (23 September 2010):
Mickey26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea he is in the military, he been in the military for almost 20 yrs, his first marriage fail because she cheated on him, he was married to her for 10yrs. And i totally agree, I mean I want us to be happy and I want to make sure he is ready...And I ask him over and over is he sure, and he tells me yes...but he is a away in the field now, we been talking through text when he get home, Im talk to him again, I'm thinking about either pushing the date back or just call it off untill he is ready..because i am, I mean I for gave him for cheating on me, I usually will leave,I love him so much, I also think he is worry about me, see I had a liver transplant and right now I have full benefits and draws my fathers retirement, i was told that if we got married nothing will happen to my benefits, but I think sometimes he worries about the what if...he told me yesterday that he just wanted to hear everything is going to be ok, but i told him I cant just tell him that without knowing whats going on, on his end, I am sad to push off the wedding, but i rather do that then have a life time of unhappest!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (23 September 2010):
 I think you should listen, and I think you should call it off. Or, in the very least postpone it.
I'm assuming he's military? My fella is in the Marines too, that life is TOUGH. So, props to you for being strong and wanting to marry into it.
The things that stand out to me are these: This is his second marriage. (Why did his first marriage fail?) He's worried about deployment, because last time he cheated on you (He's worried about whether or not he's capable of being faithful to you). He's getting ready to retire. (That's a huge shift in a military life. You go from having days totally full, your life regulated, to having an empty schedule.) All things to pay attention to!
If he is having doubts, that is something to listen to. You don't want to marry someone who isn't really sure about whether or not he is ready to get married. So pause, and really think about your relationship and your future. Good luck!
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