A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, just a quick question.My friends and I are split on the subject, so need a few opinions off you fabulous lot. My ex boyfriend text me saying he hated me. No problem for me. I didn't fly off the handle, may have ranted a bit to close friends, but only sent a calm message back asking him to delete my number. In truth I should have just left it. I recognise that NOW.Anyway he text back then saying he would only delete my number if I gave him the watch he bought me when we got together. Now I have no problem with sending it back. I'd never worn it, I didn't actually want it but he had been adamant that he get me something.So I was ready to send it back. As soon as I get time from my busy schedule I was going to post it. The next moment all my friends were in uproar saying he bought it me as a gift, and what was I thinking, deciding to send it back to him.Honestly I was bewildered. I saw no problem with sending it him back, since I have now moved to a different county due to job commitments. Incidentally that is not why we split up, that happened because he was a druggie and I couldn't cope with his behaviour.Anyway I haven't yet been able to post it to him, therefore after 8 days he text me saying there was no sign of the watch so I was to arrange a day where we could meet and me give it him. Which immediately set alarm bells ringing. Thankfully he did not seem to realise I was no longer in the area, so I told him I would post it when I had chance. Then he got stroppy and demanded I meet him THAT VERY MOMENT!! Of course, now I live almost 50 miles away, so that wasn't going to happen. So I just text back that, I wouldn't meet him and was still going to post it him.So of course then I had my friends on at me again lol. 'Don't give him the watch back, it's just an excuse to get in touch with you, he wants to see you, don't fall for it.'All sage advice, and I already know myself that I cannot guarantee he will delete my number once he gets the watch back.So here I am asking advice from my dear cupid's. Please can you help settle my decision. Thanking you and I hope I haven't rattled on with myself xx
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female
reader, Ivoryplaza  +, writes (28 August 2017):
If it was borrowing and they asked for it back then it's different it was borrowed
And a gift is a gift you dont ask for gifts back but hey i would say give it back and countinue with your life get yourself something and no one will ask for it back some people just want to be equal with everything sound's petty
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): PS
I would also question yourself why you respond to his texts at all, you don't need to, he doesn't know where you live. 'The watch' is maybe just an excuse to prolong this contact/relationship or you would have posted it off by now,however busy your schedule is and without the debate with friends..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): Give him it him "back" and get rid of the memory it holds. If you ever do get back together,you will know not to accept anything off him again. His gifts are conditional,a bit like accommodation that comes with a job. He`s like an infant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): send it back and change ur number. asking for gifts back is something young children or controling adults do. its pathetic.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): This isn't about a watch, for either you or him. He is using the watch as a means of control. That is why your friends are saying you should oppose his request.Obviously you are best off without the watch. But of course you don't want to cede control to him either.So the first thing to do is to get a new phone number. That is, remove the lever he is using against you. You are saying "I don't need to do what you want to get what I want", Text your friends your new number, reminding them that it is not to be supplied to Mr Ex.The second thing to do is to send the watch back, recorded delivery or registered mail. Enclose a short note -- the shorter the better even if it sounds too blunt, as he'll be looking for a reason to use one of the words to contact you for his next scheme. "As discussed, here is the watch. I have already altered my phone number. Do not contact me in the future, I will not respond if you do."Do both of these things tomorrow. The longer you leave it the odder things will get. If you had done both of these things earlier it wouldn't have escalated to the proposed meeting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): Stick it in a Jiffy Bag and send it back Recorded Delivery so he has to sign for it, sooner the better
Means nothing to you so its not a big deal is it.Then he has no reason to contact you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 He probably wants it back so desperately so that he can sell it in exchange for drugs. Anyway that's his problem, not yours.
I suggest you give it back, so that he doesn't have any reason to keep harassing you. In any case its useless for you. Have it delivered by parcel and make sure your current address is not mentioned anywhere, because you certainly don't want him at your doorstep!
And change your number if you can. Rather than waiting for him to delete it, why don't you just delete him off completely? You're at a new place, starting a new life, make sure there's no trace of him anywhere.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): You are under no obligation to return the watch. However, if you don't feel any real attachment to the watch and don't feel a need to hang on to it, and are happy to return it, there is no reason why you shouldn't. Your friends are objecting, but why exactly are they objecting? They probably feel like he has no right to ask for it back, and that you shouldn't have to give it back. You don't have to disagree with that, you are entitled to keep it, but you are still welcome to give it back. There isn't any conflict there, even though there sounds like there is. You can agree with their objections and still return it. Or you can just keep it. Either way, your returning or not returning of the watch has nothing to do with him deleting your number, and whether or not he does delete it is also irrelevant, you do not have to answer his calls or respond to his sms's if you don't want to be in contact with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): I had an ex like that who used to give and want back. I just gave back to get rid of an unwanted memory.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (19 November 2011):
If someone gives you a gift it becomes yours. People who ask for things back are not real givers. It is given as a means of control. In your situation,I would give it back as a means of getting him out of my life.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (19 November 2011):
 This answer is only a legal technicality answer and doesn't realate to your feelings but it may help you. When I divorced from my husband for his birthday I had bought him a £25k watch. Clearly I wanted it back. Not a hope . when I went through the solicitors asking for it back I was informed by an eminent judge that once you give an item as a gift or present you no longer have any claim to it. So unless you signed a bit of paper saying if your relationship failed you would return it or that it was rightfully his and you were just being allowed to borrow it - it is yours for keeps.
If you didn't want it in the first place I think i would just send it back to him and be rid of it then he has no further excuse for contacting you.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 Perhaps he's really concerned about getting the watch back so he can hock it for drugs.
If you want to give it back, have it parcel delivered. You can't be bothered to meet up with an ex demanding back gifts when you live 50 miles away.
Another thing is if you want to keep it, you could. Unless he has the proof of purchase and take legal action to get it back. Then again, I find it helpful to get rid of gifts from ex's that are just lying around. They're nothing but annoying little reminders of the past.
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