A
female
age
41-50,
*riad
writes:my ex bf wants me back now that I have a new bf, he is a good guy and while we lived together I had everything, except marriage and kids, he wants to give that now, but wants me to have anal sex with him, he says if I do not do it he won`t be able to marry because he needs me. I do not know if I should go back to my ex ( even though I do not like making love with him amymore) or stay with my new bf.My ex supported me economically even though we were separated, my new bf is a cheap guy. What should I do?
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anal sex, cheap, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lotsofgiggles123  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 well dis is just me but i do not think you should get back with your ex cause marriage is depended on love not money nor sexso i just dont think you should get bac with him unless he loves you and you love him truly and if he did he would be ok with the fact that IF (the BIG if) you did not want to have anal sex. hope dis helps.
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 To the aunts and uncles who've replied:
To tell you the truth, the anal sex part doesn't seem to me that important. I think the guy is trying to be provocative and just ending up sounding crass. We don't know exactly how he said it. Maybe he is just trying to get her to be more adventurous.
Still, the fact that she is thinking of going back despite the fact that she doesn't like making love with him any more seems wrong. I suspect the two were sexually incompatible. Perhaps he kept trying to do things and she kept refusing. Who knows?
The problem is that she is considering going back to him, despite this, and the main reason sounds economic. I feel rather sorry for her new guy that she's seriously considering dumping him in such an unceremonious manner.
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A
female
reader, tf123 +, writes (10 June 2008):
He sounds like a loser. You deserve better than that. If you give into him, then he'll use you and dump you.
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Hello,
This is not a deal! For me, that part of my body is personal and simply private. I wouldn't want any guy exploring around there. I doubt if either of these guys are really suitable for you. H xx
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A
female
reader, xheartside +, writes (10 June 2008):
 I have to agree with what is stated above.
Almost, anyways.
I have had financial support and I've had men let me down in the money department - obviously, love is more important than money, but it is very important as well because it supports security in one's mate.
Regardless.
Anal sex should have nothing to do with a marriage OR relationship decision.
Anal sex is simply a bonus - or a con, depending on your view. It should never be the basis of marriage.
If you do not love him, or feel he is the one, you should not be with him. Especially when he gives you emotional blackmail.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (10 June 2008):
 If you seriously think that the basis of a relationship should be anal sex, then marry him. Although, I do have to wonder whether the having kids part of your requirement might be a little difficult to achieve?
Personally I doubt any relationship that depends on one particular sexual activity is going to be sustainable. Sex, any type of sex, is only one small factor in everything that holds a relationship together. I really can't see how a particular sexual activity could ever be the primary foundation of that relationship in any partnership that's going to work for more than a very short time.
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A
female
reader, ariad +, writes (10 June 2008):
ariad is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you for the advice
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (10 June 2008):
 This isn't the condition of a man who loves you - this is a condition of a man who wants sex and nothing more.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Oh please!! You are joking.
Are you seriously thinking of going back with a guy, who's condition is that he will marry you if you let him have anal sex. Just because he supports you? Why dont you support yourself then?.
I dont know who is the worst out of you both, maybe you do deserve each other.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): IF you base your relation ship on sex then goodluck, as soon you will get old, so u cant base it all on the sex.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (10 June 2008):
First, I'm wondering, if you don't like making love to him any more, what is there to go back to?
I guess it depends on your values system. If anal sex is a small price to pay for a lifetime of being supported economically, then the ex is for you. Go for it!
If, on the other hand, you'd rather be with your current boyfriend (even if he's a miser), then the new guy is for you. The fact that you'd even consider going back to your ex, despite the fact that you don't like making love any more, suggests to me that you don't have a great deal of feeling for your new boyfriend.
How important is the cheapness of your new boyfriend to your relationship? It can be exasperating being married to a skinflint. But if you have your own job, of course, then you should have extra money to do the things you want.
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A
female
reader, Emj85 +, writes (10 June 2008):
 This is what you call emotional blackmail. Im kinda seeing a guy at the moment who wanted anal sex and i told him straight no way because that passage is for one thing and one thing only not for men to go shoving their manhood in when they feel like it. Some girls may like it its what you personally feel comfortable with but NO WAY should a guy bribe you with marriage in return for that. He will get what he wants and then scarper thats what it sounds like. Do not take his offer would be my advice and talk to your current boyfriend about supporting you. If you are not happy get away from both and find someone who will treat you with respect. It really annoys me that some guys think they can shove it anywhere they like and bribe us with what they know most women long for. Its cruel and unfair. If a guy wants to marry you it should be because he loves you and wants to share the rest of his life with you. Please do not give into this guy he is an ex - keep it like that and tell him to shove it up someone who wants anal and wants to be treated like a machine. Email me if you wanna chat. Emxxxx
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A
female
reader, Tremor +, writes (10 June 2008):
 A condition like that doesn't bode well for a relationship. It seems like an indicator of a man who will want to control you.
Your ex should not be putting conditions on you if he wants to marry you - a man who truly loves you will marry you regardless of what you will and will not do in the bedroom, because he will respect you and your boundaries.
You ex obviously does not respect your decision not to have anal sex and seems to be using marriage as a bargaining chip - and that's not healthy.
Don't use financial support as a factor when choosing between men - remember that there are more important things than money.
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