A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 23 years old and a single mom. my sons father and i didnt work out because we had a lot of resentment towards each other during the pregnancy. now that we have gone through court and its been a few years for us to mature some we realize the mistakes we made and how pride got in our way. he started dating an old gf and moved in with her but since i put it in our custody order he has to be married to cohabitate he married her. he constantly flirts with me and says how much he married her for the wrong reasons and he would love to try with me if they dont work out. every man i date i compare to him and cant seem to move on. what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): Yea. He wants to have the cake and eat it too. He wants the best of both worlds. His story is cheap, all he needs is the violin on the background. My ex gave me the same lame story. I have a feeling that you want things to work out. You will be fooling yourself. If you give in to his excuse, I can assure you will be the other woman, hidden on the side lines. Dont believe his wife will easily leave him. Move on, he sure did!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 August 2012):
"If things don't work out".
So in other words, it first bet doesn't give him what he wants, he'll just come to second best?
Give him the boot from your life. You're better than being second best to a married man who hasn't the courage to sort that out first.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (31 August 2012):
 What should you do.... GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND LOOK AFTER YOUR CHILD....A married guy flirts with you, that's all this is... He's still having sex with his Wife... and your fooling yourself if you think he married her only because of some legal crap.If you continue this game, you will be having sex with a married man, but he aint going to leave his brand new wife, and he aint going to end up happy ever after with you. This actually sounds like a guy who keeping you "sweet" so you cause no custody problems... Keep dating honeypie, find a man who isn't a cheat and can make you happy for the long term... This guy isn't it.. If he wanted you, then heck, you'd be the wife...More dating, and maybe try to consider guys that you might not have considered before. And next time Mr married man comes sniffing... tell him back off or me and your wife are gonna be talking.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 August 2012):
 I love Abella's comment... and she's right
you keep contact with him ONLY about your child.... NOTHING more....
and you tell him WHEN his divorce is FINAL (not he's moved out or she's left or they have FILED) from his current wife, you will discuss what might happen...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 August 2012):
 Honestly I would cut the contact with him to a minimum. Since you share a child that would be the ONLY topic I would talk to him about.
You know you two didn't work out and what he is doing now is sabotaging his OWN marriage and keeping you from moving forward in your life.
If you really think the two of you have a future, then I would tell him to get sorted out first. Either he wants to stay married or he wants to pursue a relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 August 2012):
 "If they dont work out" is a bit vague - he is basically asking you to keep on waiting until he gets bored with his wife and decides to come back to you. You could be waiting months, or you could be waiting years, is that really what you want? Do you honestly want your life on hold, waiting for him to come to you and say 'we are getting a divorce, I want you back'? That day might never come, they might end up working out, having kids together - then what? Imagine how hurt you would feel when you have been waiting for him for years to then see him having children with his wife.
I think you need to lay it down on the line with your ex, explain to him that you do in fact still love him and would like to give things another try. However you are not willing to be part of an affair, and will only start dating him again once he is divorced. Tell him that if he is not planning on leaving his wife any time soon that he must stop flirting with you and start being simply friends for the sake of your child, you cannot take anymore of the flirting and reminiscing about what could have been.
He is toying with you at the moment, I bet he knows you still have feelings for him and he is probably enjoying having 2 women in his life. You have to put your foot down and dont allow him to play with you like this, either he leaves his wife for you or you stop the flirting and games and you can finally move on.
DO NOT wait for this man, your life cannot wait on ifs and buts. I understand it is hard to move on, and meeting someone else you really care about seems unrealistic at the moment but you are only young, you have plenty of time to meet someone else and eventually you will find someone you feel just as strongly about, if not more. But you have to make sure you dont put your life on hold waiting just in case he decides to leave his wife, because that might never happen.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 August 2012):
 Tell your ex that you would love to talk things over with him once his Divorce is finalised. He is using you and lying to you as well.
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