A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator note: To give the aunts and uncles some background, here is a link to a question the OP submitted a few days ago http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-my-long-distance-lover-really-love-me.html] I have ldr for a few months now, she is in Germany and we love each other. but i have constant toughts on breaking up with her just over stupid things or with no reason at all. I get angry if she does not txt me back or if she doesnt reply to my Facebook mesages. I'm convinced she loves me but she is just way to cold for my own culture and regardless that im aware the of cultural differences i have to deal with it. Maybe my expectations are too high and that's why i get angry at her with no reason. Im totally pissed because its always me who calls and now i havent heard from her in the last two days. She doesnt know anything know about this. We never argue. I dont even see her pictures anymore just to not to think about her that often. Im going to see her in less than 12 days and this relationship has been an emotional roller coaster for me and i dont think i like the way i feel anymore, the problem is that i truly love her and deep inside i dont want to break up. Whats going on?? Help please!
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (1 September 2012):
 Hi
That is a lovely follow up
Thank you for that. You must be feeling very assured and very relieved
Regards
Abella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your comments, all of you are right. I called her this morning and she told me she had a crappy day a day before, She hesitate to answer me why, She said it was because she was missing me so much and i didnt call, and she didnt txt me or anything because she knows if i dont call is because im super busy so she didnt want to bother me. As you can imagine my heart just melted right away. That was the kind of answer i was hoping for and the reassuerance i needed. I told her i need her to txt me or call more often. She agreed. So everything is fine now and we both are super excited we are gonna be together for a week soon. Thank you again. BTW, she is cold only by phone, in person she is super sweet ;-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): I did long distance between Scotland and the US with my then boyfriend and now husband. The problem with long distance is that everyone has different communication styles, but without in person affirmation and reassurance, long distance can prove to be very difficult. Someone needs to move closer to the other person or you two need to visit more often. long distance should only be temporary.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice Abella, When we are together she is super sweet and she has proven in a lot of ways that she loves me too. Unfortunatelly her way is not to be too emotional, Its part of her culture so i have to deal with it. What bothers me is that i look needy or high maintenance which i may be too. And honestly Im not sure if i want to be with somebody who doesnt show her emotions, i mean verbally.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (31 August 2012):
 "i have constant toughts on breaking up with her just over stupid things or with no reason at all."What are the "stupid things"? There is no such thing as getting annoyed, or holding anger for someone for no reason. You have reasons. They may be "stupid", but they are there nonetheless. Are the "stupid" reasons all related to her not replying to your texts or FB messages in a timely manner? Feeling neglected because of it?"She doesnt know anything know about this. We never argue. "Well, if she doesn't know that it annoys you that she never calls, or that she doesn't text back or stay in touch with you as much as you'd like, THEN TELL HER. How is she supposed to know that you're throwing little hissy fits all by yourself across the ocean if you never tell her? Speak up man! Rock the boat. God forbid you should you voice a negative option, or even fight. I mean, what kind of a relationship do you hope to have where no one ever argues? Maybe you're living in LaLa Land where no one rattles the cage. You could be either too clingy, or emotionally needy, or she really is a cold fish. But if you never tell her what is bothering you, then yes, you might as well close the lid not only on this relationship, but any future ones you may have.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 August 2012):
It sounds like the emotional connection is not there anymore. Falling in love with an image rather than the reality of the person is a big mistake. And in an LDR you are away from each other so much that the few times you connect it all seems exciting anf romantic when you do see your LDR partner
In this LDR instead of the emotional connection deepening it sounds like it is drifting away.
Why waste your time going to Germany? Set up a video conference with her and ask the hard questions and find out where your values and attitudes are at variance with each other. An emotional roller coaster? Sounds like this is not going to work long time
Talk it out and see where you have things in common and where you differ. Lay it all out. Your values, your attitudes to many things. Your beliefs and the way you act and react and want to live in the future.
You love her and don't want to break up. That loyalty is lovely. But do you want to spend the rest of your life with a partner who you feel is cold to you emotionally?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI came back from Germany a few weeks ago and she was super sweet, Now she is coming from Germany to meet me in Miami for holidays.
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