A
female
age
51-59,
*yyanban
writes:I was sleeping with my best friend for 2 1/2 yrs after he broke up with his ex girl after 7 yrs of an on and off again relationship. We had a great time together. We are compatible and love each others company, sex was awesome but it would have never worked according to him because we were different religions and he was big on the length of years he had with his ex. They been through a whole lot of up and downs. We live in different cities and he had a situation that caused him to move into her house. I tried to back off and let them try to work out their relationship since he always inform me from the beginning that she would be the only girl he would marry, if he can forgive her for some past discretions. After 3 months of living together, he called me and said he moved out because of her bad attitude. He then came to see me and told me so many people told him he's 40 and time for him to settle down. That day we went into a jewelry store for other reasons and to my surprise he brought an engagement ring. But before the purchase was complete, he asked if I was ok with it and I said "I'm not but I have to be so yes its okay". We had sex that night and he told me that it was the last time which I already knew. He went back home and married her 1 month later. I felt it was quick and rushed especially after he moved out only 3 weeks prior. But he made the decision to let me go and he got married so I tried to be happy for him. I did my part as a friend and sent them a wedding gift. I stopped calling him but he continue trying to call me. We came to an agreement on not calling each other, he was not happy but eventually agreed. We finally talked for a little and caught up about a week ago. It's now 2 months after his wedding and he's telling me he wants to continue sleeping with me. I asked if he was having problems and he said that everything was good with his home life but he enjoyed me so much that he can't forget about the sex. He also has the nerve to blame me because I told him I was okay with him getting married when I really wasn't. I really wasn't ready for him to get married but I couldnt be selfish. He wanted to marry her so he's an adult and he made his own decision. He claims if I had said "No, Im not ready for you to get married", he would have never married her. Stopping a marriage because I wanted to continue a fling would've been selfish on my part. I would never had stopped a couple from moving forward with their lives because I didn't want to give up the sex and great friendship so it wasn't my place to say anything. I'm trying to figure out his real reasons for wanting to have sex with me. I find it hard to believe that just because sex was great that he's willing to cheat on her when he's claiming sex with her is satisfactory. So since sex with the wife is good enough, shouldn't that enjoyment be enough to have him forget about the sex with me? Why would he marry her if he wasn't ready to give me up? How can he ask me to become his mistress after we had several conversations about how I would never sleep with a married man. Why don't he just be happy with his new bride and forget about me? Please advise?
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best friend, broke up, his ex, married man, mistress, moved out, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Hi thereHe married her because he loves her, nobody forced him to. He has been in her life for years, he didnt have to be.He could have walked away years ago and married somebody else, but chose her.He took you with him when he bought the engagement ring that is just bad.But he didnt care.Why would he?He wants sex with you because you have always provided it without strings.You had a FWB arrangement, if you like labels. He likes variety, he only cares about what HE wants. When he got back in contact with you after the wedding, you didnt ignore him,he knew you wouldn't. You need to let him know by actions not words, that your off the Menu. Ignore him, leave him to his wife and marriage. Whatever issues they have, its their life, he is a lying cheat, yes, thats HER problem. Dont become the mistress, leave him to it and build a life without him in it. Do not give him head-space any longer.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 May 2012):
 I wouldn't worry about his motives honestly, I would look at your own. WHY are you having sex with him? Obviously he doesn't have much care or respect for you or his GF/Wife. And obviously he has no morals or values.
You are doing yourself NO favors sleeping with him.
You say that:"
Stopping a marriage because I wanted to continue a fling would've been selfish on my part."
But continuing to have sex isn't selfish? (and I'm not just talk about the guy, I mean you as well).
Aim higher, honey.
Don't settle for being some "friends" sloppy second.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 May 2012):
Strange reasoning, yours. It is so obvious, why :
From his point of view, the point of view of a cheater and as such unhindered by moral scruples,if he can have two good things , intead that just one, and nobody is preventing him from getting the extra thing, or giving him a hard time about wanting it, why should he stop.
If you already drive a good BMW, but your friend lets you drive her Mercedes Any time you want, no questions asked, why should you limit yourself. If you own a pair of Prada shoes, but you can also wear Gucci ones without paying anything, why not.
Plus, don't delude yourself, he does not really believe that sex with you is SO exceptionally special and unforgettable that now is irrenounceable. That's something he tells you to play you like a fiddle- because it is something that every woman loves to hear : " You are the best ever ".
As a matter of fact , quality of sex does not really count for a guy like this. What count is change and variety, since he's capricious. And ego:it's such a nice ego stroke knowing that IF he wants, he can have different options. Everybody likes to have options, it's empowering. He would be reluctant to let go even if you were lousy in bed.
And then again, do you really care about his motivations ? he is married, for whatever reason of his , right or wrong, he is now married. So don't worry about his moral compass, worry about yours: are you a woman that sleeps with married men, yes or not ? that's all you need to know, all you need to understand.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 He wants to have sex with you simply because he thinks he can. He obviously has no morals. He was cheating on his wife-to-be even before he got married and now, he wants to cheat again. It's not complicated at all. He wants sex, nothing more and nothing else. It has nothing to do with whether he is satisfied with his wife or not, whether he loves her or not. He's promiscuous, that's it. He doesn't care a ^^n about your feelings of his wife's feelings. He just wants s-e-x. Period. He is blaming you because he wants to guilt trip you into sleeping with him. Everything he did was his choice, his decision. He was sleeping with you weeks before he got married and now, months after he got married, he wants to sleep with you again. And you have no idea how many other women he's probably sleeping with simultaneously. I feel sorry for the poor woman who ended up being his wife.
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A
female
reader, ineedyou  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Hey! I don't want to sound harsh, but you need to move away from this guy. He's proven to be manipulative and disrespectful. He keeps you there because he knows you'll always be there providing sex and good company.
He doesn't want to take the responsibility coming from his actions. The man is married now and, despite what he told you, he married his girl because he wanted to, not because you told him to. Marriage is a big thing, you know... now he's married and he's not part of your life anymore.Period.
You need to step out of his married life and find a new friend to have fun with. You owe this to yourself, don't let him use you! You'll be alright, good luck with everything!
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