A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex keeps harassing me. We broke up 2 years ago, and I am married and have 2 kids now. He treated me like absolute dirt, he hit me, mentally abused me, he wouldn't work, he lied all the time. I gave him 5 years of chances and then I had it and left. He keeps harassing me. He saw my wedding pic. on Myspace b/c it was my display pic. and he then emailed all my friends and family and even called my husband(he knew him before we got together). He asked if I got married and when he found out I had, he emailed my older sister and he said "you should have told me about the wedding. That's really mean that I had to find out through a picture, I was a part of your family 5 years" They all are sick of his crap. He even had his mom call my mom when he found out I was pregnant, and he demanded a dna test although there was NO possibility it could have even been his. We weren't together..Then he had his mom knit me some baby clothes and sent them to my mom's house. He will not get over me, he won't stop. He put me through hell. I would get a restraining order, but he is just doing annoying things like emailing people and asking about me. I changed my # so he can't call or text me anymore, and he doesn't know where we live. I blocked him on Myspace so he can't email me anymore. Is there anything I can do? My brother threatened to beat him up, and that didn't work, and I told his mom what he was doing and that didn't work. I have 100% ignored him, and I don't plan on talking to him as that will just influence him to keep trying to talk to me. He just won't move on. He lives at home with his mom and he doesn't work and he is almost 30! He has absolutely nothing to offer so I doubt he'll get anyone else. The only reason he did anything when we were together is because I made him but now that he doesn't have to, he is lazy as he can be b/c his mom lets him be. I am so sick of having to worry, like is he going to come to my house one day and try hurting me (im pregnant) or my 5 mo. old baby? Or my husband? He broke into my husbands old house when I first started dating my husband, he punched him and keyed his car and broke some of his property. He never called the police I guess b/c he felt bad for being with me, because my ex was so hurt by it. Now I wish I had called the police on him for a few things. I tried to when he hit me before but he'd take my cell phone away and break it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): I agree to get legal reports EVERY time he does something. The point is not necessarily that you want to really press charges & get him punished every single time you do this.
The point is that if/when he actually does something bad enough/often enough that you really DO feel like you have to take action, you have more proof. When the time for action actually comes, then all these previous reports will make your case A WHOLE LOT more clear to the authorities that the threat is real.
A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 I agree with rcn! Take legal action and make sure the authorities are on alert to his psycho behavior. I think he's OBSESSED and I am concerned about the safety of you and your family. If you get the chance to move, please make sure you have your phone number unlisted AND non-published (you have to do both). That way it cannot be tracked through the phone company or the internet. Do not put in a forwarding address at the post office, you can notify your creditors personally and give them the forwarding information directly. Ask your family not to give out any of your personal information to anyone and ask your friends and co-workers to do the same. If you alert the people who you associate with, about the problems you're having with your ex, I'm sure they will understand and support you need for privacy and safety. This will at least make it more difficult for him to locate you once you have moved. I wish you the best and please follow the advise given by rcn. He knows what he's talking about!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 September 2007):
 One more thing, with him trying to run you over with the car when you were pregnant, Ask the DA if it's applicable to charge "attempted vehicular homicide" or "attempted 1st degree murder" I know I'm thinking the longest length of time to keep you safe, but I work with many disabilities, and it he hasn't stopped yet, he's not going too. I don't want to boost your fear, but this is beyond the behaviors of many of the people I work with, and they are considered time bombs.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 September 2007):
First of all, if he still has pictures of what the ex did, I believe there is a 2 year limitation on filing for the damaged property.
Second, this is your family now, It's your obligation to protect those little ones. His behavior is not healthy, and could cause harm. He's had this much time to add more fuel to the fire. Think about the car and the break in, now add how much time he has had to build his anger. You are going to have to get this stopped, unfortunately the only way you can do it legally is do it legally.
He's using his mother, and others to harass you. I don't see you getting just a restraining order. You're going to get a no contact order.
Here is what I would like you to do. I don't have all the answers of how to go about this. Instead of just filling out papers to have delivered, I want you to call and make an appointment to speak with the District Attorney's Office in your area.
Let them know you need an appointment to press charges of harassment and stalking in addition to needing a protection order. Now this is how they refer to this particular behavior. Let them know this person can be viewed as dangerous, and if they question whether they will or whether you should just let it be. Let them know, this behavior symbolizes the EXTREME end of the BURNING BED SYNDROME.
If he is willing to do what he's done all ready, he will go through all lengths to find you. Reading your story, I am scared for you and your family. Promise me you will contact them and get this handled. I deal with many people, quite a few in violent situations, their partners behavior makes them look like girl scouts compared to this.
Take care and I really wish you happiness in your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): The thing is is that I do not know that there is no danger, there could be danger at some point..I mean he could flip out one day & decide to do something. We are looking for a home to move into in a different city, but all he has to do is do an online search to find us if he wanted to. I do keep my door locked & deadbolted. I have a gun & a pit bull for protection. I have told his mom that if he comes anywhere near me that I will shoot him, in protection of my home & family. She said she can't do anything except tell him to stay away (which obviously has not worked) And another thing, I HAVE been ignoring him & so have my friends & family, for a long long time. So you'd think he would have gotten tired & stopped by now, right? No, he hasn't..It's hard to save the emails too since I blocked him from emailing me & everyone thinks he's just hurt so they won't send me the email so that I can get him in trouble. I guess in a way they feel sorry for him. That's why I'm mad because I feel helpless, like I have to endure this crap for as long as he wants to put in on me. And nobody really knows how he treated me, I told them but he acts so innocent that I think they have a hard time believeing it. He tried running me over when I was pregnant! He is crazy, it's just that he never gets caught doing anything because of his little innocent act. And noone really wants to get involved either in getting him in trouble because some of the people are his friends too or were at some point.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (28 September 2007):
 almost forgot 2 things. Your friends/family should send e-mails to you to file, too, so that you have all the info. Keep these things in your e-mail account, as well as a printed copy of each in a folder, just in case. And the first e-mail you send to yourself should be exhaustive. List every little thing he's done, being as specific as you can about dates.
What you're doing is getting together enough information to show a judge that he's a stalker (which he is) so that you can get that restraining order.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (28 September 2007):
The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. As long as you and yours are in no danger from this guy, the do not let anything he does get a reaction. If he gets no reaction whatever, he'll get tired and go away.
If there is any danger whatsoever, get a restraining order right away. It's important.
In the meantime, get everyone he might contact together (over dinner or something). This means your mom, your friends, your sister, your bf, and if you can, HIS mom. Start a discussion about what you might do (or ignore). Make sure that everyone is on the exact same page so that there is a united front. For example, if everyone knows to call the police if he does anything, then no one will "feel sorry" for him and decide not to act. You need everyone to have all the information.
If you can't have his mom there, which is understandable, and if you have a decent relationship with her, you might call her after this conversation and let her know what will happen if her son continues his stalking. (And know that it is exactly that.)
Keep a log of everything he does, so that when you do go to the police you have a record. A good way to do this is to send yourself an e-mail chronicling what he did this time. The e-mail will have a time stamp, and be on the server over time, so the cops know you have a record over time.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): Only one thing you can do. File a restraing order and protect your home and your family the best you can. If your husband is up for it I would have him use some scare tatics on this guy and really let him know his advances aren't going to be tolerated.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 You should put a restraining order on him because ignorning him or expecting him to stop hasn't changed his behavior. He has nothing to lose if he goes beserk and hurts or kills someone you love. You on the other hand, have everything to lose. The police need to be clued in on his behavior. It may also send a message that you're not going to continue putting up with his harrassment. Have you considered moving to another city? I don't know if that's possible, but it might help if he no longer knows where you are. I wouldn't want to live in fear and this guy sounds crazy enough to do something terribly off the "deep end". I wish you the best and please be safe! Lock your doors, and do not go out by yourself at night.
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