A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem that doesn't seem to be going away. I broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years about 14 months ago (long story short: we were fighting a lot, neither of us were happy, I suggested taking a "break", and we never got back together- she has started dating someone new, been with him for 8 months, and we no longer speak to each other). It goes without saying that I loved her to death, and I still have lots of feelings for her. I doubt we will ever get back together though, so I have left any hopes of that behind and have started dating again. My problem isn't so much moving on EMOTIONALLY, but... sexually. I know it sounds shallow but let me explain anyway.She (my ex) had/has the most amazing body I have ever seen on a woman. Truly phenomenal, and UNIQUE. My perfect type. Before I met her I thought I wanted something else, but she literally changed my mind, my heart, everything, I never expected that a woman could have such an amazing shape. I know it sounds very shallow and superficial, but let's not forget that looks are an important part of (if not an emotional connection) a sexual connection. She had a beautiful stomach, not "too flat" (i.e. concave), very toned, but with a cute slight curve at the front. Her breasts were perfect B-C with perfectly colored and shaped nipples, they didn't sag at all, they were very perky, and just a bit more than a handful. The best part of her was her ass and hips, they were shapely and womanly and goddamn I've not been able to get them out of my mind for the last 10 months, It's almost like I am mourning her bodies death, wishing I had spent just 10 more minutes caressing and kissing it when I had the chance. And of course she had a beautiful face and a wonderful personality and all that. But thing is, it's easy enough to find a woman with a pretty face and a nice personality, but I've never (literally never) seen a woman with a figure like hers. I've slept with 6 women since her (I was messed up emotionally when I found out she was dating another guy and started sleeping with women to make myself feel better)... but it hasn't been good... it might sound like I'm putting her on a pedestal and maybe I am but it was her figure that attracted me first off the bat when I saw her across a room at a house party and my jaw literally dropped... that night I actually went home and took down all of my "girly posters" off my walls, it was like my whole perception of beauty had been demolished and changed.I think it was a huge mistake for me to break up with her. The fights we had were mostly petty stuff but at the time we were so caught up in all of the crap that we couldn't control our anger. We never got physically violent or anything but sometimes we would throw things (not at one another), once she destroyed a teddy bear out of frustration, so we were at our breaking points. I wonder if I could have done something different... but it's all futile now... because she has moved on. She's never had any problem finding men who were interested, when we were dating she'd get hit on any time I left her alone, she found it very annoying, but I understand why men would be attracted to her. She's not everyones ideal (and certainly doesn't fit the medias ideal, but that's why I liked her so much, she was so unique) but she is stunning.So I am in a conundrum. I can't even masturbate anymore unless I think about her body, the women I've been with, I have had to close my eyes and fantasize about her body, I don't bat my eyes over any women I see, even if my friends are drooling over her, nothing looks the same as it did before we met, ever since I've known her I've had a hard time viewing other women as hot, she's dominated my fantasies for as long as I first saw her, she really is that gorgeous. Any future girlfriends I have are facing a losing battle in competition with her. I doubt there is a single woman with her shape and proportions. I feel resentful towards her in a way for ruining simple pleasures for me. I should be able to look at a woman and think that she's sexy, or sleep with a woman without having to close my eyes, I should be able to be attracted to lots of different chicks like other guys are but it's like I can't stop comparing them to her. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I feel very confused, lost, it's been 14 months since we last touched, kissed, since I last heard her laugh at one of my lame jokes, I miss her to death, but I can't have her, and I know no one else will ever measure up physically.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Why don't you try going out on dates? get to know a woman personality and the attraction may come. I'm sure if you fell in love again you wouldn't be comparing. Anyway, yes you need to get over her as by now honestly it's quite pathetic. Nothing wrong with still admiring her body but letting it effect your view on other women bodies? get a grip.
A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE  +, writes (9 January 2009):
 "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting..." Solomon, King of Israel, The Bible Proverbs 31:30Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines! But he knew what he was talking about. He had his hands full 365 days in a year with all those beautiful and charming women that surrounded him.30 to 40 years from now, your ex-girlfriend will not have the same physical beauty she has right now. Sure, right now she is blessed with a perfect 10 attributes but maybe after 10 boyfriends, she will not be picture perfect as before. What you see in her will just be a memory and a thing of the past many years from now.Other girls may not be as attractive like your ex. Other girls may not be as charming like your ex. But tell you what, your ex didn't last a lifetime with you and maybe somewhere down the road a girl who is more-than-skin-deep is unexpecting for you to discover, if you move on.
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A
female
reader, BadAsh6705 +, writes (9 January 2009):
 I think the real issue here is that your idea of her is not only to do with her body, but when you two were intimate there was more going on than just a visual image of her body. If you were close and connected then that has a lot to do with how you view her. Not to mention that the fact that you can't have her anymore makes you want her even more.
I have a similar problem comparing guys to my ex, not physically, but mentally. He had a very refreshing and unique personality and way of thinking that I have yet to see in anyone else and I still almost 2 years later think about him, but you have to learn to live with it. I think sometimes we are forever changed by a relationship and we may never actually get over it, but we have to learn how to accept it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Wow. This is very touching. You should definitely try to get back with her.
If you feel this strongly about her, I really think she may also be feeling the same way about you. Give her a call or send her an email. Let her know that she has been on your mind. Don't be too over the top, you know, but give her a clue.
I really feel that she is thinking along the same lines as you, but perhaps she has heard of your sexual encounters and feels threatened, like you've moved on. Well, as you have found yourself thinking of her as she has a boyfriend.
Who knows. Life is too short. You will regret not at least giving it a shot. The worst that could happen is she says, "No." But even then, life has a funny way of working out. :)
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): thats how i feel about my ex no man can ever match up and its ruining my life
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A
female
reader, Dani28  +, writes (9 January 2009):
Wow, that was exhausting reading!!! no but seriously, u have urself in a dilemma, Im a bit concerned that in all that writing u paid little attention to her as a person? surely u cant just want her back for her body? reality says that she wont always have that perfect figure. I do feel sorry for you though. Have you tried talking to her? maybe she feels in a similar way to u. It appears the saying is true ' u dont know what u have till its gone' u cant carry on sleeping with other women and closing ur eyes, that isnt healthy nor fair on these poor substitutes. If its only a great body u are after, lots of women have great bodies. I hope u get her back and dont let her go next time. Let me know how u get on xox
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