A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'd just like to say thank you very much in advance for taking your time to read this and reply..About a month ago my ex girlfriend broke up with me after 2.5 years. I met her when we were both 16, yet I was one year older than her school-wise. I'm now 19 and she's 18. I'm at university and she's going to university in september.She broke up with me because she stated it was a one-sided relationship, I can kind of agree but not totally.When I left for my final term of university for my exams, we were fine. I knew I'd miss her and vice versa. However, I told her I wouldn't be able to talk to her on the phone as often as before (We spoke every day) due to my revision for my exams. But we still spoke via text every day very often.She started acting more and more distant until I confronted her, and she told me she had things on her mind - She phoned me later that evening and told me she doesn't think we should be together anymore and gave me all these excuses saying It was one sided, she didn't want to argue anymore and whatnot. However we did not argue THAT often..I accepted my loss, as sad as I was and my exam was the next day, and for the next few weeks. However two weeks after breaking up I sent her a scrapbook which she made for me during our relationship. I never put anything into it however, but this time I did. I put everything from the past year into it and showed that I really really, do care about her. It arrived to her on our 2.5 year would-be anniversary. All I got was a text pretty much saying it "Was nice". I was gutted and decided to just enjoy the rest of my university.However, I come back from university and the first day back, one of my friends tells me that she saw her out in a pub with a guy and some random people.He tells me that she's seeing this guy and saw them kissing and whatnot. I was gutted and didn't know what to do, I texted her saying I'm back from uni and I'd like to give our stuff back to each other, we meet up two days later for about 3 minutes and give our stuff back, I ask for a hug and tell her thank you for everything. She tells me to stop as she'll cry, but I told her I do really mean it.This new guy however, is someone in my school year and hasn't gone to university, he's very different to what she would name her ideal guy - So it's kind of confusing for me as to why she's with him. I then decided to have no contact with her to just move on with my life. I then went out last week to town, I saw one of her friends and said hey, told her I know about her and the new guy and said it's a bit of a stab to the heart.Two hours later, my ex texts me telling me her friend has told her that she saw me in town, and my ex says "Hope you're having fun hehehe xxxx". I don't reply until on my way home, asking her why she texted me, she said why not?. I then said it was no problem, was just a bit random, and hoped she also had a nice night.The next morning she replies saying she had a nice night and hopes I did too. We end up texting most of the afternoon about our exams - But nothing about our relationship or this new guy. It ends with me saying I've got to find out when my results are.On the guy she's seeing facebook, his status from just now says: "A great philosopher once said falling in love feels particularly similar to the sensation one gets from eating too many jelly tots!!! :)"And my ex girlfriend has liked the status..I do know that they started to speak to each other properly by text and facebook a week before we broke up, and I reckon he pretty much dissected our relationship and made her only think of bad things in our relationship - As our breakup was very sudden to me, my friends and my family (Who dearly loved her!!).I'm going to text her tomorrow as it's her first exam, and tell her good luck, and that is all.What I'm asking is, what do I do now? I do still love her, but I do feel as if she's just moved on far too quickly and it's very upsetting. I would love to have her back, but I'm just very confused and emotionally upset on what to do.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 What I dont understand here is, if someone is your ex, how does it matter to you if that person is with someone else? You broke up for a reason, and as you say, you accepted your loss. If you weren't so sure about breaking up, then you should have taken some time off and thought about what you wanted, had a talk with your GF and tried to figure it all out. You should have ideally waited for your exams to get over before taking any decision. But you didn't, and you broke up,and now your GF has moved on.
What did you expect her to do in any case? Sit and mope for you? You know, it seems you want things on your terms. You didnt get in touch with her after breaking up because you were busy with your exams, but maybe that was her mourning period. She dealt with it her own way and carried on with her life. Now that your exams are over and you are free, you're thinking about her and feeling lonely. But you cant really do anything because she's with some other guy, who understandably, you dont like. Maybe he IS her type, maybe she's changed her definition of her "type".
Stop fixating on your ex and her guy friend. You're going going around in circles, trying to read into every little thing. You're now thinking, "why is she not feeling bad when I am"? It doesnt happen like that. She doesnt have to feel the same way as you.
Dont send her stuff from the past like scrapbooks now, because its annoying when ex's try to do that. Its like you're emotionally blackmailing her into trying to feel what she doesn't want to feel. The effort that you've put into your scrapbook will now show now, what will show is that fact that you're trying to cling on to her.
Let go, cut off all contacts with her for now, un-friend or block her from facebook so you don't ponder about every status update or activity of hers. It will take a while, but it will all be fine. The healthy way to deal with a break up is to take the positives from it and move on with your life.
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 June 2011):
 What do you want to do ,my friend ?... You are broken up. She dumped you and she is dating a new guy. The fact that you don't think he's her type is irrelevant, maybe she DOES see him as her type after all, or maybe she changed type. None of your business. All you can - and should - do is accepting what happened as graciously as possible and moving on as fast as you can.
I understand your temptation to get stuck in the past because she has been texting and acting civil or even friendly, but all in all, I think you risk seeing mysterious hidden meanings in just very normal,casual gestures.
I also get the feeling that you cannot come to terms with the break up because it was so "sudden" and " out of the blue ". Chances are it was nothing like that and it had been brewing up for a while, you just chose to ignore it. I don't know you so I am totally guessing , but most males are very good at only seeing what they want to see and hearing what they want to hear. Like, she told you she was tired of arguing and you object you weren't arguing " that much ". Maybe- but maybe her level of tolerance for arguing is lower than yours. If it were me, for instance, I do not believe that couples "need " to fight, in fact I think that if there is bickering it's a clear sign that things won't work out at the end of the day, even if there IS love and passion. Not to say that I am right, maybe I am wrong, and yet I am not the only woman to see it this way.
Or , she said that she felt the relationship was one-sided and you "sort of agree", so, you have seen there was a problem and did nothing to fix it, just hoped it would die down on his own , and it did not.
Again, not to say that she must be right and you must be wrong, maybe it's the opposite. Only, that you have been given due signs that there was trouble in Paradise, so why now the perplexity and confusion.
Your best bet would be simply cutting contact, focusing on yourself, your studies , your hobbies, - and maybe start dating again ASAP. You'll get unstuck sooner than you'd expect.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 "I knew I'd miss her and vice versa... We spoke every day"
This is where the problem started. It's not bad to keep in touch with an ex, though I don't think it's a great idea most of the time, but in this case you allowed yourself to believe you still had a shot - consciously or unconsciously. Did you date at all during this time? Or act on crushes towards other girls? How often? The fact that seeing her with another guy hurt you so bad tells me you need to cut contact and move on. Don't answer her texts or anything.
"I sent her a scrapbook which she made for me during our relationship."
Chicks love gestures like this from guys they are currently dating and are attracted to. From anyone else, this sort of thing repulses them. Gift-giving is one of many things that girls like in theory, but in practice, can you think of a single instance where a guy has given a gift which resulted in a chick who was not attracted to him becoming attracted? As a side note, this is why you should never buy a drink for a girl until you've already been talking to her for at least 10 minutes.
"...he's very different to what she would name her ideal guy."
What a chick says she wants and what she actually wants will never, ever be the same thing unless she has the protection of anonymity, like on this site. Actions speak louder than words. Note that she's not technically lying - she really, truly believes whatever she tells you about her "type." She's just wrong about herself.
"And my ex girlfriend has liked the status.."
Screw Facebook. It should be a supplement to your social life, incapable of having this effect on you. What can Liking something really mean when it takes only half a second and zero thought to do? Un-friend her and the guy and move on if it bothers you, but even that shouldn't be an issue if you let yourself move on properly.
"I reckon he pretty much dissected our relationship and made her only think of bad things in our relationship."
If he knew she was in a relationship, that was scuzzy of him to barge in. But the ultimate responsibility rests on her, and her alone. She's the one who decided to end it. The only way it could be his fault is if she has no free will of her own. *She* ended it. *You* owe it to yourself to learn from the experience, grow as a person, find a better girl, and work to make yourself a more attractive man to insulate against the possibility in the future. Not necessarily in that order.
"I'm going to text her tomorrow as it's her first exam, and tell her good luck, and that is all."
Don't. Cut contact. Let yourself heal and move on. This fixation on a faithless girl is killing you. Learn to be happy as a single man - with or without girls. When you're ready, find a new girlfriend. She's not coming back, and if she tries, it will be for bad reasons, I guarantee. You don't need her. Move on, and best of luck.
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