A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex girlfriend has a new guy. We split up a couple of months ago because she's moving away from university next month and now she has already found someone in her hometown. I don't mind, because she's moving on and that's what I've been trying to do. But since I found out I've had this strong feeling like I'm inferior, and less of a man. I think I'm a pretty good catch. I'm not bad to look at, I know how to treat women and any serious relationship I've been involved in has ended through similar circumstances.I just wish I could find somebody to be with who will want to stay with me. feel like I'm doing something wrong. And why am I feeling so down? I can understand that it's a painful reminder that I'm no longer with her, but why am I being hard on myself and feeling like I'm a total failure. That isn't going to help me attract a new girl so I want to shake it off! Can you help me?
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ex girlfriend, split up, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys. I wish I could shake off this feeling of inadequacy. I know deep down that there's really no need for it because I'm a nice guy and I've always been a good/loyal boyfriend. But I keep blaming myself. Anytime I go through a break up whatever the circumstance I always end up blaming myself... Okay, maybe not blame myself but I feel like if I'd done more maybe she would have tried to keep it going instead of willingly letting me go. Do you know what I mean?
I worry that I'm too nice. I don't really understand it. I'm the kinda guy who is affectionate, but not clingy, is complimentary, but enjoys making jokes at my partners expense (nothing too strong, I know where to draw the line) and most of all I like my partner to feel special and that they are loved. I don't think I'm overly nice, but then again pretty much everyone I know thinks that I'm a nice guy. And I keep thinking that SOMETHING must surely be to blame. Could it be that?
A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (26 April 2011):
maybe your just to nice to them? just a thought. but you know what who cares if she found someone else? as easy that it is for her to find someone it's just as easy for you. being all sad is not gonna help you so get out there and find someone else. also if a girl friend ever wants to leave you in the future dont do the whole begging thing like please please please dont go. tell her if she wants to go, go ahead.
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (26 April 2011):
 Oh man, I know exactly what you're feeling. Being single is always easier when that last person you were dating is single too. Having them move on can be painful even if you don't want to be with them anymore. That happened to me when my ex started dating again. It's pretty natural.
You're right that being this hard on yourself isn't good. I'm very similar in that respect too, and it's caused quite a few problems for me while dating. There's no easy fix for self esteem issues. It all boils down to believing in yourself and trusting that you are desirable. For me, I use the fact that my friends all tell me about how great I am as a reminder when I'm feeling down on myself. I can't always shake it, but it's getting easier and easier. Focusing my thoughts on the positive rather than the negative has also been helpful for me.
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A
male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (26 April 2011):
 It always hurts when you find out that your ex is dating someone new.
The important thing to remember is that her moving on doesn't make you any less of a man, it just means that the two of you were not the right fit.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, and somewhere out there is a woman for whom you WILL be her everything, and the best man she could ever hope for.
Keep your chin up, keep your confidence up, and you'll find her!
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