A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem w/ my ex here. It may sound weird, but we broke up 5 years ago and I still can't get over him. We were in junior high school and just got introduced to each other for one week before we made up for a relationship. In fact, I wasn't too eager back then coz I didn't really like him at first. I had a crush over someone else , but I tried hard to like him as our relationship went on. At the end, I really loved him. He was a very nice boy and he seemed serious to me. But just after 4 months, he broke up w/ me. I didn't know the reason back then and I was like pleading him to not end it. He ignored me and since then, we never talked to each other. He seemed like avoiding me at school. I was so disappointed and felt degraded, feeling like he looked down on me for being so easy to fool around. However, I couldn't lie to myself that I was still in love w/ him. I pretended to avoid him too while in fact I always tried to see him. Till graduation, we never talked to each other. Many guys tried to approach me but I rejected them all. I don't know if I wasn't ready for one or I just couldn't get over my ex. As far as I know, he also didn't date a girl in those three years but he did approaching some. Well, I always had feeling that he still loved me despite of his cold attitude toward me.On graduation, he suddenly met me and asked for forgiveness. Ofc I played cool; I was kinda ignoring him and guess what? He cried in front of me. Well he was kinda cold and arrogant guy so I didn't expect him crying at all. I was shocked and begun to question myself whether I should believe him or not. He tried to explain why he broke up our relationship and that he really regretted it much. Apparently he ended the relationship because his friend challenged him to date another girl. He said the childish him was too stupid to realize what he had done. He said he avoided me at school because he was too ashamed to even look at my eyes. And for these years he wanted to apologize but wasn't brave enough. At the end, he asked me if we could reconcile and have our relationship back again. I didn't answer him for I was still in dilemma. It's true that I still loved him, but I just couldn't believe him completely. Moreover, it had been three years; it's hardly possible that he still loved me.After that, we texted each other and the situation was still awkward. I did admit that I still loved him and wanted to reconcile, but what puzzled me was his respond after. He said that we might better remain friends for he wasn't ready to have that relationship back. He said he was too afraid of repeating the same mistake again. His answer made me doubt him. After all, he might just mistake regret as love. I was disappointed once again. He said we might better move on. I wasn't sure about what he wanted after all but decided to just get over him.About two months after, we were in contact again. Well yes I called him first but after that he just continued chatting w/ me. He then told me again that he was still in love w/ me and that moving on didn't really work out for him. He also said that he did like a girl but he couldn't love her so he didn't want to have a relationship w/ her. However, his point was just to let me know how he felt; he didn't mean to have back our relationship. Again, I told him my feeling too. He said he wasn't ready for a serious relationship yet he wanted to have a "special relation" which is more than friendship. I didn't feel okay w/ it but well, at the end I just let that go.Sometimes we lost contact for months and then one of us would start calling other party again. Now we still texted each other but we never talked about our feeling; it's more like friend's conversation. Honestly I don't want this comfortable situation to vanish but I also really want to know about his feeling now. I know I've been stuck here for years and I should get over this yet part of me still has faith on him. What should I do??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): It seems as though he finds it comforting to speak to you now and again because clearly you were someone special in his life. I think it's possible he does still like you but he doesn't want to go back to how you used to be and is happy with just calling you now and again because like I said, he probably finds it comforting. I'm guessing he sees you as a special friend that he once had strong feelings for.
A
female
reader, cca9130  +, writes (26 April 2011):
I liked your story and I could feel identified. I really don't know what to tell you, it seems to me like a lot of drama. Only you can let someone go but I know from experience that it's very hard, specially when you were so sure it was true love. Moving on is hard, but only you can let yourself walk through that path. I don't think that this situation is affecting your life in a harsh way, except on your romance section, but if what you really want is to be in a relationship with him again, give it a try, even if you still don't trust him after what happend. There's a 50% chance you'll be back together, but also a chance that he will break your heart again, but I say to give him another oportunity, maybe he did grow and mature over the years. Just don't let him fool you! Be eager to signs that he's a jerk and test him. If you start hearing sentences like: I'm not ready for a relationship, but I want to be with you, it means that he just sees you as a booty call. Put him up to the test and put the cards on the table and if it doesn't work out, I know it's hard, but it will be time to move on from this harmful relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): What a jerk! He's been messing around with your feelings for 5 years now, telling you he loves you and then that he doesn't want a relationship. Sounds to me like he's looking for a backup plan... Or he's just really self-centred and likes the attention because it makes him feel good about himself. Please PLEASE just let him go! It's time to meet someone who can really commit.
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