A
female
age
51-59,
*hitetrash
writes:My ex is ignoring me! We broke up several years ago but have always remained friends, but for the past year or so, I know he's been seeing another woman. I've never met her but I hear she's beautiful and he's very much in love.The problem is, I can't let go! I still care for him very much and I got used to him emailing me, and coming to visit me now and then. Lately, I've been trying to contact him but ignores my i.m. messages, and he never returns my phone calls. I am deeply hurt. I can't imagine my life without him but it seems as though he is no longer interested in keeping in contact with me. What should I do?
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female
reader, spysqueen +, writes (18 December 2010):
Ok heres an answer from the the other side of the fence. I am the New or back girlfriend, i became best friends with my guys ex, partially because i was todld he was not going to make a choice. We became close friends but after a year she has been married is married and i find little notes " in the end you will be mine you know" from her. I never could figure out why we would do great and all of a sudden hee was lost again. because he still doesnt want to hurt her feelings or mine he hides these things. is that what all you exs want is to know you still have them wrapped? if you love him truly love him you'll give him the chance to find happiness without you, or your games to influence. sorry but thats how it is.
A
female
reader, Lavenderlady1954 +, writes (23 November 2008):
My advice is to focus on other areas of your life. Cultivate new friends and rekindle the friendships you already have. Pursue your hobbies, finish up a project or join a club.
The reason he is ignoring you is because he has found someone else to be his girlfriend. You are his ex girlfriend and I am sure his current girlfriend would not be pleased if he was keeping in contact with you, under the circumstances.
So the best thing to do about it is to ignore him back. Find a new love interest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): I know that you maintained a friendship with this person for a long time, but it is time to let go. He has a new girlfriend, just let them be happy and you need to move on and find someone you can be happy with that wants to be with you. Personally, I would be annoyed if my boyfriend's ex tried to contact him a lot. You should respect their relationship just like you would want someone to respect yours.
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A
female
reader, XxshellxX  +, writes (19 June 2008):
I am also in this situation, however i believe that these types of men always want what they can't have so its simple he will be just as used to you calling him as you are. so surprise him make him realise that he misses the calls and still wants to be friends. we all know that you dont miss something until its gone. Hope this helps and good luck with getting your friendship back on track. trust me he'll call.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): Well I have been in this position. And the guy who promised to marry me married someone else, more beautiful etc. I do not believe in Karma...because he has hurt me and others and is living happily ever after...and he does not even care if i shed a tear. but there is no choice...but not to call him since he made that clear, so i don't call him...but cry silently every night for the past four years knowing that he is so happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): Personally, I think it's a bad idea to assume it's his girlfriend that's pressuring him to end the contact with you. It could very well be that he has simply outgrown his need for your friendship and has moved on. I don't agree with the last male poster. It sounds pretty clear to me that this guy simply has no need to keep in contact with you. He has someone more important in his life now. Surely you are smart enough to see that for yourself and not keep badgering him. Just find other friends and move on. That would be the wise thing to do at this point. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): Well since you are his ex things may be a bit shifty. Although you have remained friends that friendship is shifting constantly. What I mean by this is that small things can stir up memories that may pit you against each other, so even though your friends, things may be a bit strange because of your past. If the girlfriend knows you were his ex or that you guys are still in contact, she may a bit jealous. That jealousy may give him reason to keep the friendship on the "down low" for a bit, thus breaking contact for a bit. It's probably not him, it's his girlfriend, and her feelings for him. It should pass as their relationship develops and they trust each other more and more. Only time may tell. And if it continues for a long time, then talk to him. If he is your friend he will understand. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): i truly underswtand how you feel ,it seems like other advices here is all about the ex,move on, he doesnt want you,yes its true, but remember you are just important as he is,and also his new Gf. So dont feel that youre not, like me,you need to do your best to let go, not for him but for you. Its not fair to not be important to someone like you used to, but unlike all the advice that seems to be giving the applause to your ex, give the applause to you.You are just as important tell yourself that,it will help you to let go, that person neverdeeserved you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): HI,
I am sorry that this situation has happened to you. I have been reading some of these comments and can see why people say woman are pety! It is absolutly not ok for someone to ignore someone that was once a friend or partner. The only way this is okay is if there has been an agreement between the two of you that the two of you would no longer speak. I see so many opinions on this that you should just get over it and move on. Well yes you should move on because he is the jerk that didn;t have the balls to tell you goodbye the correct way to avaiod any confusion. If he just ignores you with no explanation then he is a coward and his new girlfriend will one day figure it out! Seriously though Karma works in ways we can not understand and I do know that what ever it is Karma does not like people who take the easy way out just to make it convient on themselves. He will learn it is better to be honest and open; to talk things over would have ben much better than just ignoring you.
I hope someday you will meet someone who is worthy of your greatness and ability to love.
Best of luck and ignore people who only want to be negative. We should all treat each other with respect.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (27 September 2007):
 you need to move on, just like he has. you were there when he had nobody and he felt lonely with noone to talk too, but now he has found someone he loves, he's being commendable to her and not keeping in touch with you, and therefore not giving you false hopes of any reconcilliation.
you might be hurt but that will pass, there is nothing you can do, ifg he wants no contact with you, you can't force him.
best of luck
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A
female
reader, sazra +, writes (26 September 2007):
I am in excatly the same situation as you but I'm the girlfriend. My boyfriend split up with his American ex years ago but they used to meet up occasionally when she was in England before we met. He told me that he never loved her and had never told her he was in love with her either but she was in love with him. They were in contact until we got together just over a year ago when he stopped because of me. He told me the only reason he used to speak to her is because he felt sorry for her as he knew she still loved him. I'm happy for him to keep in contact with her if he wants to but also tried to tell him it wasn't fair to keep breaking her heart the way he is. I do honestly feel so bad for her because she clearly loves him very much but so do I and I'm the one he has chosen to be with. I think you need to move on and find someone who will love you just as much as you love them. But also you have to think about your ex's new girlfriend too, its not her fault you two broke up and I'm sure she feels bad for you like I do for my blokes ex. But if they split up because you keep hounding him do you really think he is going to come back to you? I truly hope you can get over him and be as happy as he probably is, no doubt you deserve it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): He is your ex so move on. You will only alienate him from your life forever if you keep pestering him. How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot. Imagine if it had been you who had met someone else and he was stalking you! Yes stalking, that is what you are starting to do and it isnt very nice. Why cannot you move on and let him be happy. I doesnt matter whether she is pretty or ugly, she is with him and your arnt - so get used to it. Sorry to be brutal but that is how it is.
take care and move on!!!
xx
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 If he wanted to get back with you, then he would've already approached the subject with you and he has not. You may treasure this friendship, but he has met someone else and is moving on and you clearly have not. At some point, if this new woman becomes a serious aspect in his life, you are going to be brushed off and that will hurt worse, as my husband's ex-girlfriend is discovering. They broke up 5 yrs. ago but remained "friends". I think over the years, she had hope they'd eventually reconcile and part of that hope was his fault for keeping in contact with her from time to time, much like your ex is doing with you. Once he met someone who he planned to build a life with, he stopped contacting her, and has started avoiding her, meaning when she i.m's him, he hits the "ignore" button, when she calls or texts him, he doesn't respond and he finds her persistence to be quite annoying. He probably should've told her years ago that he was remaining in the friendship mostly for her, not for himself, but he hated to be cruel. She is now extremely depressed because she's finally realized he's not coming back and never planned to. Friendships with ex-es can be dangerous like this because they inevitably give one person a false sense of hope that the other person still loves you. You will save yourself alot of grief if you start extracting yourself from this friendship now, and begin to date other men. Once you get your own life back on track and have someone to come home to at night, this friendship will be less important to you and you'll be less likely to be devastated when your ex re-marries. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): It seems pretty clear to me -- leave him alone! I always think it's a bad idea to stay friends with an ex because an ex girlfriend will always try to interfere with your life after the break up. It starts out harmless enough, you try to be nice, and stay friends, but then they start asking questions about who you're seeing, and they never think your new g/f is any good for you, or they start acting possessive and the whole thing just becomes a nightmare. Your guy probably kept up the friendship thing because he knew you weren't dealing with the break up that well. Now that he's met someone else, you're proving to him that you can't let go and by interfering in his new relationship he's going to see how insecure and pathetic you really are. Get a life sweetie and let him have his! Sorry to be so harsh but you don't seem to take a hint very well.
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A
male
reader, Guitarboy  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 I had this problem once. I felt sorry for my ex after I asked her to move out, so I tried to remain friends with her after our break up. I even used her for sex whenever she insisted that I come visit her. But I never had any intention on getting involved with her again because she wasn't my type. I like smart, creative women who can keep up with me in life. A short time later, I met a women who totally turned me on and I stopped responding to my ex when she'd call or text message me. It took her quite awhile, but she eventually got the hint that it was OVER. I wish her well, but I'm glad she finally stopped pestering me. It was getting quite annoying and my new girlfriend was wondering what was going on. We sort of turned it into a joke and called her the "clinging vine".
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (26 September 2007):
 More than likely he isn't contacting you because he is concentrating on his new found love. Which is only fair. You guys gave it a try and it didn't work. Let it go. She probably wouldn't be too happy about the calls , and emails, and text messages so he is just avoiding you altogether. It is time for you to move on just like he has.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Hi hon,
Well it seems like you've been deluding yourself for quite sometime, thinking this man still had feelings for you because he remained friends. Perhaps you held on to some kind of false hope that the two of you would eventually get back together. If he's contacted you in the past, he knows how to reach you if he's interested. Obviously he's avoiding you on purpose because he wants to focus on the relationship he has with the woman he loves. Why not start dating someone yourself, and try to find other friends you can e-mail and contact and let him go once and for all? Once you stop contacting him and expecting him to be part of your life you'll be able to move on and allow him to do the same. xoxox
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (26 September 2007):
 You need to move on and stop contacting him. If you persist in bugging him, he will surely see think you are trying to cause problems for him. He isn't contacting you because he has someone else in his life that he'd rather be with. I suggest you do the same. Remaining friends with an ex only works until one or both of you become involved in a committed relationship. Then it needs to end. Take care.
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