A
female
age
41-50,
*ellyQ
writes:Ok i know this sounds stupid why would you need to ask if someone likes you – you should know right…but its not that simple…and its driving me crazy!!!I am in a serious long term relationship however I have developed really strong and confused feelings for a close friend. I have never acted on these feelings and would not. I maintain that I see us as best friends and love him in that way.We work together and talk all the time he tells me everything – women he likes (can be quite graphic too) and his emotions etc. We have been good friends for about a year.We started getting to know each other really well through witty banter via e-mail. We would spend almost whole days talking via email and early on he used to say stuff like, your feisty I like feisty women!.. in a complementary way and do you have any friends like you?Im always giving him advice about is life and ways to improve it and we are very caring and open towards each other emotionally. Our banter has continued throughout or friendship and he frequently compliments me for being intelligent, strong minded and not easy to manipulate…he often mentions these are key qualities he wants in his ideal woman ( though not at the same time as the compliment)I began to sense a really strong vibe from him that he liked me but he always talks about the numerous women he fancies or sleeps with.At one point when he was with his major girlfriend (the “love of his life”) he used to call me her twin (we look nothing alike by the way) and compared many aspects of my personality to hers. Also he told me about another girl he was really into at one point who is now his friend he said we they had a similar close confidant relationship to what we have.We talk a lot and its hard to know if he has said these things genuinely because he sees me as his confidant or if hes joking or if hes just displaying his flirty nature.Hes a very flirtatious out going person (in fact he prides himself on making an art of it)So its difficult for me to interpret a lot of his behaviour and when I do challenge it he tells me to not read into what he does and that he is notoriously hard to read/ analyze as a personFor exampleNearly every time he walks pass my desk he smiles at me and or says my name.He will say my name for no reason just to start conversationWe would speak on weekend mornings and we would talk for a couple of hours on the phone At one point we would speak for hours in the eveningsHe asks me to get lunch with him everyday (weekday)He used to more and sometimes still does call me terms of endearment like treacle, cherub, gorgeous, sweetheart, babes (but he does this with a few other people as well)(Bearing I mind I am in a very very serious relationship) – he randomly asked me to go to on holiday with him a few months ago when he was planning a break in the UAE. (only saying my partner could come along too as an after thought when I declined based on the fact my partner would hardly approve)He likes to annoy meHe invites me out to clubs/ bars/parties fairly regularly He he says he likes my clothes, hair, personality (says he thinks Im cool and that we click) fairly regularlyHe managed to slip into a conversation the question do I have a vibrator??????!!!!He will very occasionally give me a playful punch in my arm …..and used to sometimes put his arm round my shoulders when we were kidding aroundWhen we went out for my birthday earlier this year he got really distant when my partner arrived and refused his offer of drinks sat pondering for 2 mins then insisted that he was going to go to the bar (where my partner was) and that he buy him one instead….said why didn’t you take his offer of a drink and he just sternly said I want to buy him a drink.Earlier in the year during a night out he made a random point of saying that “the ring (as in engagement/ wedding ring) is intimidating and that you just don’t see/ fancy women with the ring on at all!However recently when he was making a point about being a risk taker/ and liking to up the stakes he blurted out that he had slept with a married woman a few months ago. Which was bizarre as he absolutely always tells me about all his conquests…..In fact I generally cant stop him sharing that info as and when it happens….and that is the only one he has ever excluded…until that point*A few friends had mentioned to me several months ago that they suspected he may like me (which I did nothing about and in fact refuted when it was mentioned). However we were talking recently and it came up in conversation and he freaked out….denied that he fancied me and got quite upset that people were talking about him behind his back as he put it. I put the evidence before him and he put it all down to his flirty nature and said I was not his type and pointed out hes always talking about other women to me ….which is what he wouldn’t do with someone he was into…..In fact he got in a real strop over it refusing to talk to me for a day. He later apologised the next day stating that he can be spiteful at times and was upset that I and others thought he might like me……which I find bizarre????I found this hard to believe as the original conversation was based on the fact that he and I suspected that few colleagues may have thought we were secretly having an affair (one of whom he slept with last year) which he seemed fine to discuss. It was only when I offhandedly mentioned that some people had thought he liked me that he flew off the handle.After that incident I took what he said as the final word and choose accepted that he did not “fancy” me even though many things did not add up (much more than in the message). This was a few weeks ago things have gone back to normal and hes doing many of the things I mentioned above again. But he still talks about other women all the time and there’s a new attractive girl at work he keeps talking about and to (she is also engaged*) however she does seem very receptive to his advances after only a week. Yep I am quite a fair bit jealous as he made a point about the whole ring thing…so I think he’s a hypocrite in that respects…but I guess that if he doesn’t like me why does he in some ways demand my time and attention then?He recently took me to lunch with his parents???Should I stop being friends with this person to avoid further confusion and to a degree heartache?
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a break, affair, at work, best friend, engaged, flirt, girl at work, jealous, married woman, on holiday, vibrator, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): wowww i didnt finish your story but uh... i really think this guy is smart and all but when i say smart i mean smart with women he knows those tricks to get woman my cousins use to teach me stuff about guys so i know. he asks you to dinner you smile and say yes he smiles at dinner and wont stop looking at you he says a cute and funny pickup line and you laugh and think i think i love this guy i really do think he just likes the attention of having a girl to flirt with on the side. =]
A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (26 September 2007):
For a girl in a serious long term relationship you spend way too much time on this guy. Have you talked this over with your boyfriend? The guy is just injoying flirting with you. He doesn't love you.
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