A
male
age
30-35,
*alshie93
writes:So I have had a few posts on here about my ex girlfriend.I ignored her for a week, and she started to text me more and more when I had dissapeared from her life.I answered one text last night and we had a short conversation and it went well, nice and light, and I ended it by saying "I had to go to bed" because I don't want her thinking I'm that easy to get back, even though she split up with me.So today, we bumped into each other in person at the local shops after college, and we chatted and laughed and joked and walked back to her college, we were outside and our friends left us and we carried on talking till it was time to go.When it was time, I gave her a big hug and lifted her up and she laughed, and then I gave her a kiss on her cheek while hugging her, and then when I let go she kissed my on the lips.Two weeks ago I had tried to kiss her and she had rejected me, but now she had kissed me.I saw her after school as I was walking for the bus and we chatted again and walked to the bus stop, and before she went I decided to give her a hug and go to kiss her and she kissed back.Now, even though I want her back, I am happy with her wanting me.She says, she wants me, her best friends say she wants me and really likes me. But that she just doesnt want a boyfriend right now, even though we have already been out, we split because we had an argument etc and had a lot going on for each of us and it felt pressured making time for each other.I then waited for her to message me the next day, and she did and we chatted for a bit up till lunch time via text message. I said to her, I'm going up to the cafe at lunch, fancy walking back with me, and she said, I have to be back in college at two to show people round so I wont have time sorry, I then text her and said, It wont be that long, I'm getting something then we can walk back and eat on the way if you want.She blanked that text and didn't reply.I text her after lunch had ended and asked how the showing round went, and she just replied, good thanks xxxI sort of tried talking again but her responses were like, nopeeee xxx and not that much xxx, not like it was after I had been ignoring her.I waited till after school and gave her a text saying I'll meet you at the top of the hill if you want, and she said I might take my afternoon off, and I said, oh right okay then, id only chat to you for a bit anyway, and she said, erm i dont know.I waited for about half an hour and text her and said "take it thats a no then" and she never replied.I walked up the hill anyway on my way home, and saw her walking down, to get a lift off her mum, I said Hey to her, and didnt mention the text and then she said "I've dyed my hair" and I was like "oh its really nice" and walked her to her car, and before she got in I gave her a hug, and went to kiss her and she let me and kissed me back, not a french kiss just a normal one.After that I waited at night and she never text, so eventually I text her, but didnt get a worthwhile response it was jut yeah Im fine thanks xxxI messaged her friend and explained the sitch and she was like nothing up with her, she's fine, but she said that my problems were the last thing on her mind at the moment.My ex then text me and said, "stop talking to people about me, I've told you this before and you keep doing it" she only left one xLater that night, she had left my friend a message on facebook, saying "stop chatting me up" and he replied with a link saying "maybe we should just be friends".A week before this all happened, I had been concerened and felt betrayed that my mate was speaking to her about me, apparently fighting my corner. And I had then started to think he was chashing her and using me as an excuse to get to her and to talk.Anyway, in that case, she left this on facebook I think for me to see. My mate, this boy said that "she thought it was funny that I was getting paranoid about something that wasnt there" in other words, I was getting worried about him chatting her up when all was happening was they were speaking.I dont know what to believe with that, he says he speaks to her about me, but how do I know he isn't just slowly taking her attention off me?Anyway, coming to the end. I spoke to my grandad and friends again, and they all said to ignore her again, I have a party coming up tomorrow, on Saturday that she is at and I really want it to go well with her, and for us to kiss again and maybe even get back together or start dating again.I have ingored her all today, and she hasnt text me, and I am wanting to ignore her tomorrow.My question is.Firstly. This boy, should I believe my friend is just talking to her, and just get on with it and try and forget about it?Secondly, even though she seems annoyed with me talking to her friend again about me and her, are the chances she still likes me high?Thirdly, why did it go back to it feeling like she had me on the hook again? I had ignored her and she came running back and now, she hasnt text me, hasnt tried to get in contact, and I really miss her again.Will ignoring her untill we see each other at this party work and in that case, what should I do at the party?Should I get there and wait for her to come to me?Or go over to her and small talk?How will I make it go well with her, If right now, she is so confusing, kissing me and letting me kiss her, but then not replying to texts or not texting me?
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best friend, ex girlfriend, facebook, get back together, kissing, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 There's no need to twist my words, what I said was as plain as day.
Let's review: You have a recent history of doing the same thing to another girl. You somehow managed to get over her. Now, you're doing the same thing again, not moving on, failing to do so. Holding onto a sliver of hope that she'll come back. I can't tell you whether she will or not, but girls mean what they say "When they say it's over". We don't have a problem admitting our feelings whatsoever.
It's over and done, I don't know how else to say it. Seek therapy to further address this problem.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (7 December 2010):
Yes. And possibly, but the odds aren't in your favor. So that was a different girl but same pattern.
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A
male
reader, walshie93 +, writes (7 December 2010):
walshie93 is verified as being by the original poster of the question That was another girl.
She made a sudden decision to no longer talk and having no closure on anything was crippling.
I tried contact, and it didn't work, I know now she was stuck up and snobbish, genuinely.
I took me months to find emily, and we had our relationship and then we broke up, and I realised where I went wrong.
So, leave her be. I've deleted everything contact wise, and if anything will ever ever happen it is all from her own decision? She can only miss me if I'm not there, correct?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (7 December 2010):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/its-been-5-months-but-i-cant-stop.html
This is her, correct? If it's really been since June, then you do need to seek some counseling on this right away. A professional who can help you get over this girl, who can teach you how to let go. By us saying move on, or posting this question over and over, isn't helping you. We can't give you the help you want or need. You need to speak to a counselor who can further assist you.
Then she was never yours to begin with. She liked the idea of you chasing her, what girl doesn't? But she doesn't want to be with you and after a while it gets old, very tiring.
I look at it as you put in way too much effort, you were that fly she couldn't swat away that just kept coming around for more. You're not going to get your second chance, you never even had a chance to begin with. There's no "what if", there's no surprise, she's not going to change her mind. She knows it's over, I know it's over, several aunts know it's over, now you need to accept it's over. She can't miss you when you're always there!
Trust me, if she rethinks her decision then she will let you know. But by bugging her and being so persistent isn't going to make her change her mind. Her mind is made up, nothing is going to happen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): IT IS OVER. Look you obviously don't want to hear the truth. You can carry on with this ridiculous behaviour OR you can sack it up and move on.
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A
male
reader, walshie93 +, writes (7 December 2010):
walshie93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I have to move on. Its so hard.Everything I do in life I do to the best of my abilities, college, work, sport.I hate failure, I put everything in to it, and just failed. Was what I did not good enough or was she just stupid enough to ignore all my effort and just look at the negatives?I know with a second chance, things would of been different.Sounds like such an optimistic point of view, but right now I m just thinking, what if.She said she gave me a second chance, but never told me about it so I wouldn't "lie like other boys do" she never trusted a single word I said basically.Is there no chance of her missing me now, nothing at all?If I break every form of her contacting me, how will I ever know if she re thought her decision?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (7 December 2010):
You CUT OFF CONTACT completely. No replying to her one text, nothing. You delete her number from your phone, change your number if you have to. Block her from Facebook, all accounts..You quit messaging her friends about the situation, in fact delete their number too. Don't "happen" to show up at the places she's going to be, that makes you look like a stalker. Then you proceed to looking for a new girlfriend..you need a rebound. Now, if you find yourself still depressed over all of this, then you're going to need some therapy. It would benefit you to talk to someone about this, a professional.
There's no secret guide to getting over your ex, you just have to practice self discipline and learn "enough is enough".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Move on bud! You keep saying you are going to move on but then you post another question about it.
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A
male
reader, walshie93 +, writes (6 December 2010):
walshie93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, how do I move on..
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 December 2010):
Because you keep on asking the same question over and over of how do you get her back or do you move on. When everyone has told you to move on, but apparently that's not the advice you want to here or what you're looking for. Go back and read what everyone has posted on your questions.
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A
male
reader, walshie93 +, writes (6 December 2010):
walshie93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow have you heard I got into a fight with her new boyfriend?
I didnt have a fight and she doesn't have a new boyfriend..
Although a lot of confusing things did go on, but for some reason I am not allowed to post it.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Yes it is. So why is it that I hear you got in a fight with her new boyfriend at that party you mentioned? Was that finally what it took?
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A
male
reader, walshie93 +, writes (6 December 2010):
walshie93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust want to say a quick thanks for your answers, they really shed light on my situation, now its all aboUT MOVING ON i GUESS
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 December 2010):
Dirtball sums it up pretty nicely. I'm going to add I've read your other posts about her. It's been how many weeks now and you're still trying to get her back? She's not coming back, you guys had a pretty short lived 4 month relationship. You've wrote her a letter and pulled every trick out of the bag but she just keeps on playing mind games with you or flat out rejecting you. Yet, you fail to get the memo she doesn't want you back and you keep on pushing. LET IT GO, your efforts are being wasted. She doesn't want you back, there's no doubting that. It's something you need to face. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 December 2010):
Before I even get to your questions I can tell you why she doesn't want to be with you. It's simple. You're very insecure and smothering. You're not even together but you're texting her a million times a day and getting pissy when she's not all lovey dovey back. YOU'RE NOT EVEN TOGETHER!!! She needed space. She liked it when you were giving it to her. Then when things went ok... POOF! Space gone and she's feeling smothered again. She likes you but you're trying WAAAAYYYY too hard!
To your questions:
First: What does it matter? She's not your GF. Whatever they were talking about isn't your business weather you like it or not.
Second: She may still like you a little, but you annoy the piss out of her! She dumped you because of the behavior you're still exhibiting. Great way to show you've changed genius! "Yeah, I'm different. What, all that same stuff I'm doing? Nah, that's nothing. I'm a changed man."
Third: Slow down buck-o! She didn't come running back. You bumped into each other and you made a move. That's hardly her running back. That was her opening her self up again to the possibility of you which you went and screwed up!
Seriously dude. She wanted space. You ignoring her is just what she wants. If you do get another chance, stop it with all the texts. Stop it with talking to her friends about her. Stop with the overanalysis of EVERYTHING you two do and say with each other. Just STOP. Enjoy the moment and you may find more of those moments coming your way.
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