A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex has recently contacted me after no contact for six years. We had been together for 18 years and she left me for another man. I have found out that she got married and now has separated from the guy she left me for. The split really hurt me. She has mailed asking if we could communicate again and has said that she has been having therapy since we had parted. In addition, she has claimed she still loves me and had been thinking about me every day. She requested me to give he a call but I didn't respond.I refused that we should start communicating again, thinking that it wasn't fair on me that all a sudden after he failed relationship she has mad contact out of the blue. However, I feel guilty that I have refused her a simple request. I am confident that I will not rekindle the relationship but still feel hurt on how she sedated from me without any closure. I could do with some guidance please. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Do not feel guilty for not wanting her back in your life.
You could contact her and tell her that while you understand her feelings you are not interested in any further contact with her and to please respect your wishes.
THEN you can ignore her totally. Block her even if you wish.
A
female
reader, Zaaleena +, writes (5 December 2012):
Sorry that you had the experience of her leaving you. Hope you've healed and are moving on with life.
Again agreed with everyone - you owe her nothing. She has now realized what she had with you and wants that back. She's too late.
You may wish to drop you an email but personally I think she was selfish getting back in touch with you after she caused you so much hurt.
Hope you're okay & this hasn't affected you too badly x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): "she has claimed she still loves me and had been thinking about me every day."
OP you literally don't have a choice but not to contact her. You can't mess with this emotionally fragile woman's head by opening the door to her again and giving her hope.
I'd send a mail and tell her it's not a good idea, that nothing is ever going to happen between you ever again, not even friendship. Just to give her closure so she's not waiting for a mail.
Tell her you're going to block her email too, that this isn't the start of a correspondence it's you closing that door completely and for the last time and that you wish her a long and happy life.
That's that OP.
You'd have more reason to feel guilty if you entered into this mess again. Don't do it. But a closure email might be nice.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (5 December 2012):
 I agree with the other answers. Don't feel guilty, you owe her nothing. If you feel generous you could send her a polite email explaining that you've moved on but wish her all the best etc.
She has friends and family (presumably) and a counsellor to help her through, and she's not your responsibility.
Good luck. Don't let her being in contact stir you up too much - put this blip behind you and keep moving on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): I dont think you should feel guilt, shes only back because the other one didnt work out. In your words you said, "you are confident you wont rekindle the relationship"...I am not so sure....I dont think there is anything to gain for you, and you are opening a door not a simple request but to someone who wants to hook you again....if she has had counselling and is resolved about what happened she doesnt need to have contact with you.....dont go there again....
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 I think you were right not to reply, and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): You have nothing to feel guilty for! remind yourself of the facts:
1. you were together for 18 years
2. she then left you for another man.
3, now that her new marriage has ended - maybe he dumped her - she wants to get back in contact with you, claiming she still loves you etc etc. (yeah right, then how come she left you for another guy after 18 years??)
If you want to be polite you can just reply to her emails/calls but for the sole purpose of declining her requests. Say that you're married now or in a relationship now. Or don't, either way you don't owe her anything. if you feel you need 'closure', now would be the time to write her a one-way letter telling her how hurt you were, and that's it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 December 2012):
 If you aren't really or willing to "invite" her back into your life then THAT IS OK!
I would however drop her a short email- just saying no, thanks I'm not interested in communicating with you - wish her well and then no more.
She might still try and communicate but I would just delete any incoming e-mails.
I DO think you are right that this has EVERYTHING to do with her failing her marriage and less about you.
Chances of you getting any "closure" from talking to her is not really likely. I think we are all left with more questions then answers when digging through the past.
DO what's RIGHT for you - and if that is NO contact, then you keep on doing just that.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Don't feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about. From the face of it it would appear your former partner is having some regrets. Those are her problem, I expect it took you a while to get your self together after she left your marriage for another man.
I doubt there is anything to be gained by communicating with her, next time she contacts you tell her you have moved on and suggest she does the same.
good luck!
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