A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hate myself for falling in love with this guy. He told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship from the beginning. I was ok I thought it would be ok because he wasn't my type. Low and behold I fell for him hard. Now he makes excuses not to hang out with me because he knows how I feel about him. I feel soooooooo stupid for falling in love with someone who doesn't feel the same. I'm so embarrassed because avoids me like the plague. I want to talk but he ignores my calls,text and emails. When he does pick up its short and makes up excuses to end the conversation. I really feel ashamed for loving someone who will never love me. He was so honest from start it's me to blame but why is this so hard to realize. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): You shouldn't feel stupid for falling for him. We all have the pretty much been there. You are being stupid for your behaviour. Sorry to be so crass, but you really need to hear this.
He told you he didn't want a relationship. You basically started to harass him. He is a good guy and I can understand your attraction. I know he is a nice guy because he hasn't told you to fuck off yet! You are too old to be running around like some love sick teenager who doesn't know any better
Your life experiences should have given you some type of moral compass and want to do unto other as you have them to do unto you. You wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot. He is avoiding you because you are starting to come across as creepy now. You KNOW he is avoiding you and you still contacting him. If you continue, at some point he may press harassment charges against you. Just because you don't feel that you are, doesn't mean that he doesn't feel that you are. If he does, it will be up to the law to determine that.
I'm going to say this with love from my heart. Leave that man alone. If you want to talk, call a friend, family or even go to confessional. Do whatever! Just leave him be. Again, I know I came of crass, hurting your feelings what not my intentions. I found that being honest and not sugarcoating can help people such as yourself to snap out of it. Because your not psycho and a rational human being that has lost their way, you can evaluate the situation and simply just "cut it out"! Best of luck.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 It is hard because you yield too easily to out of controlimpulses and keep pestering him with unwanted communications. Obtaining the only result to feed your attachment , when you should starve it, and to annoy him and force him to be more and more distant.
Stop calling, texting and e-mailing- you know that unluckily he does not love you back - as he has the right to do -and if you keep tryng to force his hand , you may love him, or in fact be infatuated, but you are not respecting him.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 December 2012):
It is hard because you constantly let your feelings control you instead of the other way around. Just respect his wishes and it will be fine...although it seems you have a very deep hole to dig out of. Don't lose hope, learn from the past and live for the future, a happy one.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Well, seems like you need to RESPECT this guy's wishes and back off.
He doesn't WANT to talk to you, because he doesn't want to string you along or give you hope that he might some day perhaps like you back. He could tell you to go fly a kite, but he has manners that is why he keeps it short, but if you have any sense you need to knock it off.
Honey, put the shoe on the other foot, how would you feel if a guy who you didn't want to date AT all kept hounding you and wouldn't take no for an answer? Wouldn't like it, I bet you.
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