A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my recent ex boyfriend really really love each other and have a very intense attraction and chemistry, but we just can’t seem to get on and he gets aggressive and violent. We have been on and off for over 6 months now since we first split up and we recently got back together only for him to end it again after a few days due to a silly argument. He has now changed his number after I was texting him all the time. Will he come back this time? I know he still loves and misses me
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got back together, split up, text, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, JessicaAsk +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Hello Anonymous,
One reason he has changed his number maybe be as a ploy to get you chasing after him, and if this is the case, you are letting it work. You are sitting here, wondering why and thinking on the past, and what you're going to do, while he is out living his life. That seems unfair to me. Also, he may have changed his number, because he definitely wants out. If he loved you, would he change his number so you couldn't contact? Would he be violent or aggressive? You're relationship sounds unhealthy, and it could be just a habit you are both stuck in. Getting back together only to break up a few days later, it is a rut and a vicious cycle that needs to end. He may have changed his number just to play with your mind, or because he was particularly angry at that time, but him choosing to do this, may be the best thing for you. Without him there to speak to, you can continue on and build a new life, without him. It may seem hard, and this answer may not be the one you wish to read, but the thing you need to do is pick yourself up, hold your head up high and move on, because staying there wondering will only ruin your life and keep you feeling down. It will be hard at first, and you obviously will miss him, but remember, time heals all wounds and if he was stupid enough to get rid of you, then he doesn't deserve you in his life.
Good luck and God bless.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): He's aggressive and violent and instead of jumping for joy that you're out of the situation, you text him so much that's HE'S the one running away from YOU.
Why would you want to be with a woman beater? Seriously, any man that hits a woman is a coward and any woman who thinks it's ok has MAJOR issues. You are chasing after a guy like that. Why?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): If I were you, I'd be hoping he doesn't come back and to make sure he stays away I would change my phone number to. He sounds like he's really an immature pussy when it comes down to it on top of the fact that he's abusive. Guys like him come and go. Stay away from guys like him. They're not boyfriend material.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Maybe he will come back, but if he does you should not open him the door for your own good.
6 months on and off it's not a relationship , it's a passion, an attraction, as intense as you want, but - if you can't stay together and have to break up because of silly arguments, it just means you are not compatible basically, do you honestly think this is good foundation for a long term relationship ? how long can you go on a cycle of constant arguing and fighting and making up ?
Anyway, that's a moot point, because he is aggressive and violent, by which I assume you mean physically violent, not just verbally.
If you have an ounce of self respect left and care just a little about yourself and your future, you will realize that you should not be with an abusive man and in a while you'll thank him mentally for leaving you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): If you both were you still together and this question was the, "I love him, but I hate him because he's violent and scary, What should I do?" genre, then most of us here would tell you to leave him.
He's made the conscious choice to move on, that's why he changed his number.
Perhaps it's because he's ashamed of the way he treated you.
Perhaps it's because he doesn't want the complications of keeping in touch with an ex.
Perhaps he loved you, but now he loves and wants to commit to someone else.
You can't really know for sure if he'll come back to you, but given that he's a violent guy, why would you want him too. If you guys can't make it work out as you stated, what's the point of keeping in touch only to fight with each other? He probably asked himself this very question before he changed his number.
Learn to move on without him. If he's a violent guy, then you really are better off without him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): I did the same thing to my girlfriend to keep me from being rotten to her. I got a short fuse so when we would get into it I would hang up on her to keep from cussing her out cuz I didn't wanna make the situation badder. But no she'd keep on pushing it by blowing my phone up with texts that got meaner and meaner cuz I wouldn't text back and she"d fill my voicemail up cursing me out and crying crazy shit. It would piss me off. The one time it was so bad I changed my number to get away from the madness to cool down. She took it like I was over her which I wasn't. We're good now and she got my new number. I held off for 9 months now she won't give me hers. Sucks but she aint going nowhere.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): The right person for you will not cause such problems for you. The fact that he is violent is simply bad news! Do not continue to subject yourself to this obviously unhealthy relationship. Chemistry is something different than love, and being the "right one". Chemistry can often takes place between two people who are not fit to be together.
Moving on and away from someone you love- and who loves you back- is excruciating, but it MUST be done. Look at how you are now, is this how you want the rest of your life to be? I have news for you, things aren't going to turn instantly peachy and be completely different than what it is now because you cannot change WHO you are and he cannot change who he is either. This is how you two are together. Very dysfunctional.
This is how you relationship is, and how it will continue to be. Move away from it.
And he changed his number in his best effort to seperate himself from you also. Let him be. Respect his wish. If you cannot respect his choice, how can you have a healthy relationship?
If you were really meant to be together, things would not be this way. And if in the end you are truly meant to be together, it will work itself out and happen. Don't force it. Just leave it up to destiny and fate. Your choices and preferences aren't the only factor here.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Mmm if he changed his number chances are he's not coming back this time.
Why would you want him back when he's violently aggressive with you? Sounds like a very toxic relationship that you really need to let go of.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 "he gets aggressive and violent" He did you a favor by changing his number.
Maybe not tomorrow and maybe not next week, but one day you will meet someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. You will "have a very intense attraction and chemistry" that will surpass this relationship because the mutual love and respect will be there and the "chemistry" will blow your mind.
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A
female
reader, blackbird332 +, writes (23 February 2011):
you should give him some time to think about things. because the more you text and beg for him back the more annoyed he will get.(why he changed his #)
its possible to get back together but right now he needs time to think without you talking to him constantly. give him space.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): alright this was about sex and thts it he doesnt love you anymore you might love him but it isnt recipricated by the actions he chose. just give him space he changed his number to keep you from calling. it might be he still loves you but he needs space.. trust me if he wanted it to work out he'd talk to you
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