A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My ex and met on Face book 10 years ago and we hit it off. However, after 5 months he broke it off because he felt like we don’t live within reasonable distance to support a relationship. We live 5 hours away from each other of driving distance. We still kept seeing each other because we couldn’t let go. We wanted to be together but in practice there was a great distance separating usThen he ended it again because he lost feelings, according to him. We ceased contact only for him to reappear stating he misses me then we started seeing each gain. He went cold again and ended it again for the same reason, the distance. We would reconnect and hangout over a period of 3 years until things started going downhill.He started bailing out in the last minutes arrangement to meet up and he became distance. Then he claimed he lost his job and can’t visit me. He withdrew but I kept contacting him and he ended up telling me that he needed space. I reached out again after 2 months only to learn he met someone local. I decided to move on. Then he reached out again after months and we reconnected. It became a wash and rinse repeat cycle. He would reach out stating he misses me. Once the excitement wears off goes cold, bail on our plans to meet in person. Last time we reconnected I suspected he was seeing someone else close to were he lives because he was behaving sketchy. He was flaky and He stood me up on skype. Then gaslighted me when I gave him flak for it. I finally had enough last time when he dropped me because of the same reason, distance and ignored my attempts to contact him. I was so hurt. We didn’t talk for 4 years because I deactivated my face book profile and changed my number. He had no way to contact me. I reactivated it 2 years ago and within a month he opened a new face book account and messaged me claiming he has been looking for me all these years and he feels like he is dreaming. he misses me alot. And left his number to message him. I downloaded a texting App and messaged him telling him not to contact me and reminded me how he treated me last time. I didn't even wait for his response. I deleted the app then block him on face book. This helped me to get him out of my mind. Until today 2 years later, when I checked message request only to see it was from him using a fake account. He basically said how i never left his heart and he knows i blocked his main profile and is hoping i will message him back. Now i have so many thoughts running my mind..I'm scared to give in because I don't want to get hurt again. I don't know if I can trust him again. why won't he give up? are we meant to be?
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lost his job, move on, period, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2021): Thank you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ WiseOwlE i appriciate your advice but as I said in my updates I already blocked his new profile and already told him not to contact me 2 years. So he knows. I don't have to tell him again. You're getting redundant here. I shouldn't have to delete my face book and lose connection with family and relative overseas. so now I want him to continue contact me because I refuse to delete face book? When I already blocked him? And asked him not contact me? really? I should delete Face book and start all over? which means re adding everyone on my list and losing connection to my face book groups of my Youtube channel. Look! I'm not responsible of his stalking. The only thing I can do is to ignore which I did so I'm not sure if we're reading the same post here. I blocked his main page 2 years ago and the new profile he just created to contact me, I already told him not to contact me 2 years ago. who would would go brask for someone who blocked them years ago? That's creepy. . Don't put all that on me. What else am I supposed to do at this point ? yet you're still going hard re stating the same points and telling to do things I already did. I could report him to Face book but doubt anything will come out of it as he can always get around it to make more fake profiles if he wants. If I wanted to talk to him, I would have responded to him already. plain and simple.I wouldn't have blocked him. Nothing would have stopped me if this was something I truly wanted nor would I need permission on an anonymous message board. But no, I know deep down I will never trust him and I will get hurt again. Which why I ultimately head advice This is the last time I'm responding to you. Have a good day
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2021): When I suggested you were leaving breadcrumbs, that's not always a conscious action. Some things happen inadvertently, or accidentally on-purpose! You know full-well he will maintain contact, or can track you through mutual-contacts.
"Which I never did in the past because I still had hope so I didn't want to close all lines of communication."
Yet you're so impressed that he found you and made contact four years later?
That's no impossible feat! People can track you through online-tracers who charge a fee. As long as you're active online, you leave a trail. If you want to stop contact, you simply refuse to respond to their contact-attempts; or you demand they cease and desist any further contact. You can submit a complaint to the site, or make a formal complaint to the police. He now knows you won't do that. If you could, would you be here?
You said you wanted to keep your YouTube channel. Deep-down, you didn't want to completely cover your trail. Come-on now, lets not split hairs! That doesn't stop you from ignoring him, or asking him to get lost. If he contacts you, the best way to make someone leave you alone, is to go silent, block them, and/or ignore them.
He depends on your unshakeable loyalty. No matter what, he can contact you out of nowhere, and you're there waiting...single and available. Forgiving of how you were dumped cold and ignored. His ego is flattered that your torch never went-out. Yet it never stops him from dumping you cold when he gets tired of you.
If you don't want to repeat the humiliating disrespect you've endured in the past, I suggest you wise-up.
I'm being tough on you, to make sure you give this some serious thought. Don't get mad at me. Emotion often clouds our thinking, or makes us indecisive; and we put ourselves through unnecessary stress and heartache.
You wrote DC, we're just responding to your posts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ WiseOwlE, How am I leaving bread-crumbs for him to find me ? while that might have been true in the past, it's not the case now. Last time when he broke it off, he had no way to contact me because I changed my number and deactivated my face book. Which I never did in the past because I still had hope so I didn't want to close all lines of communication.
I reactivated it after 4 years because I wanted to use it for my youtube channel, only for him to start messaging me with a new profile he created. I sent him a message reminding him how he treated me last time when we were in contact and told him point blank that I don't want to hear from him and not to contact me again, then blocked him.
We didn't have any contact until recently when he created fake profile to message me. Yes there was a part of me that wondered what if he has matured and is ready for something real. I was actually thinking to message him back and tell him that unless he is actually ready to move down here to have something real with me, I'm not doing this with him again because there's no point if we are not closing the distance
But after thinking and reflecting, I realized that I will never trust him given our history. And it will always be back on my mind when he will bail again. I would rather start all over with someone new
If I didn't need Face book for my youtube channel, I would delete it. I start to forget him since he is out of mind out of sight. But hearing from him sets me back each time. It stirres up old feelings. I really hope this will be last time I hear from him.
To answer your question, yes I've been in one long term relationship since the last time he left me in 2016. I met someone in late 2017, this was around the time i had deleted my face book and he had no way to contact me so it helped me to move on. I dated the new guy until 2020. I have also dated other guys in between us not seeing each other but nothing long term or serious.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2021): If you really wanted to ghost this guy, you know like anyone else your age, exactly how that's done! You enjoy the drama and the intrigue; and it beguiles you to hear him beg and tell you how he misses you. He puts on this enamored lover-boy act, and turns on a false-charm that any run-of-the-mill "player" is well-practiced at pulling-over on gullible lonely-females. Caught-up in emotion, and vulnerable after a few failed-relationships; you fall easy-prey to guys like that.
You're holding-out for him. Hoping against hope, that maybe it's real this time. You know it isn't! Come on, admit it...you're stuck in a relentless infatuation for him!
You always leave bread-crumbs for him to find you!
If it was meant to be, why does he keep dumping you???
Once you hit 30, and get tired of this mess; you'll realize all the time you've wasted being his favorite out-of-town booty-call! You'll move-on eventually; but by that time, you'll be too embittered and resentful to think straight!!! Frustrated about how you kept falling for his tired-old predictable game! Year after year! Waiting for him to find you...in-between breakups, when he's tired of his girlfriend, or passing through your town!
You're like a favorite haunt, or a familiar food-stop he always remembers to stop-by when he's down your way! Just like the good-ole days! Waiting with open-arms!
Have you been in any long-term relationships in all this time? You always seem to be single and available when he contacts you! Why do I feel that's no coincidence?
He probably reads what you write online, and can pretty much tell when you're alone.
That's when he makes his move.
He's not contacting you because he wants to be with you, he likes knowing you're available on-demand; and he knows you're soft and pliable. He doesn't think you're very smart, and thinks he knows just what buttons to push! It should be an insult to your intelligence!
Stop pretending to be bothered. You wouldn't have asked us if it was meant to be, if you weren't hoping somehow it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I decided to block the new fake face book. I hope this would be the last time I hear from him as he gets into pattern of contacting me every 2 to 3 years
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (3 February 2021):
 OP, this isn't nearly as hard as you are making it out to be. Cut the ties one and for all. Block him. Move on. He is just using you and playing with your feelings. You know this. OF course you don't trust him! Why would you? He doesn't have your best interest at heart and he's just messing with your heart because you allow him to do so. He's in the past. Keep him there.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2021):
 If Facebook is part of your "business" have someone (or do it yourself) BLOCK this guy at every turn - it might take some extra WORK on your side, but if you KEEP entertaining him by answering him and playing HIS game, the LONGER it will take for him to back off and leave you be.
another option is telling him ONCE (make sure you have a screenshot of this) and then reporting him to the police for stalking IF that is possible in your country. Or have a male member of your family TELL him off. Or tell his family that he is harassing you. All possible actions.
OR you can CHOOSE to ABSOLUTELY IGNORE all his messages. Not reply, nothing. Just block/delete/ unfriend if he tries to post anything to your wall.
OR contact Facebook and let them know he is harassing you and keep making new pages. They can block his IPN. OR ban him. Either could work for you.
This isn't LOVE he is showing OP, this is him wanting you to submit and entertain him on his terms, when HE feels like it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 February 2021):
 You are as much to blame for this ongoing circus as is your ex because you enable him. Would you read the same book over and over and expect a different ending? Would you watch the same film over and over and expect things to turn out differently to all the other times? Of course not. So why do you keep taking him back when nothing has changed and you already know how it will end? That's just crazy behaviour. If a child does something which results in it getting hurt, it will usually avoid that thing going forward. Isn't it strange how, as adults, we allow ourselves to get hurt over and over?
I believe the universe sends us lessons to learn, often in the form of people who treat us badly. If we do not learn the lesson, it will be repeated, over and over and over, for however long it takes until we actually learn it. You almost managed it last time by blocking your ex and refusing contact with him. There are so many ways of locking down your Facebook profile that, if you really want to, you CAN stop him finding you. Now that you know this new fake account of his, simply block it. Nothing has changed. Nothing WILL change. Don't even consider going back there - unless you want to get hurt all over again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your insights. Just to clarify, I did put the wrong age when signing up. I attempted to change it but I can't figure out how to. I'm actually 28 and he is now 27.
I know it may be because I've let him in the past . while that might have been true since I gave in so many times. But last time when he attempted to contact me I told him point blank not to contact me again because I wanted to make it clear to him. I was tired of the cycle and getting hurt each time. He kept messaging me asking if was getting his messages. so ignoring him wasn't working. I also blocked his real face book right after which he is aware of. wouldn't sane person get the picture that I want nothing to do with them? Yes there was part of me that wondered what if, he is actually willing to move this time to have a real relationship given his persistence. But I'm scared to give in only for him bail again. It's actually destressing of him to contact me every few years when I start forgetting him. I didn't expect to hear from him again.
I would open a new face book with different name but I need my face book account because I use it for Face book groups for my Yutube channel. And your Facebook account can't be brand new when joining these groups. It has to be x amount of years old and look legit
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 February 2021):
If you are 18-21 and you met 10 years ago, maybe it didn't work out then because of age?
I mean I don't think that many 8-11 year old can HAVE a relationship as it is, not can they drive 5 hours regardless.
So either you put your age wrong or there is something up with the math here.
But if it's just a matter of putting the wrong age, here is what I think.
In 10 years you two haven't been able to make it work. He has flaked on you repeatedly.
You finally make the SMART choice of cutting him out of your life. I presume you moved on in that time?
You know it's not going to work with this guy, even if he has matured, because he has a PATTERN when it comes to you. And that it give you a LOT of attention and when you want more, he makes up an excuse and runs off.
STOP getting on the same merry-go-round that isn't going to work out. Did you not learn as a kid to not put your hand on a hot stove? Or not touch the fire? Think of him as the burning stove, and keep your heart, hands and all of you away. HE lost ANY kind of chance with you a LONG time ago.
If you are looking for a relationship and a potential mate/husband/partner HE isn't it. Find someone who is closer, whos is stable, who is consistent.
As to why he won't give up, well he DID give up, SEVERAL times! But he also knows that you fall for his bull-crap excuses, declarations and sweet words, hook, line and sinker. He KNOWS how to play you. He thinks. Show him he is wrong and CUT him off, block and remove him.
Work on finding someone who IS right for you, instead of wasting ANOTHER decade on this loser.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2021): Throughout this on and off cycle, why have you remained single?
It's as if you wait for him in-between breakups, and you really can't move-on. In the span of 10 years you speak of him being in other relationships; oddly it's indicated above your post you're only somewhere between 18 and 21. Is this anywhere near your age?
This somewhat annoys me, because sometimes OP's are just making-up stories, being evasive, or they are much older than indicated; and are attempting to avoid being judged, or being addressed according to their true age. Just for your information, our advice is often age-appropriate, and dependent on your level of maturity. Are we responding to a child, or an adult? How can we trust the authenticity of the post?
You are anonymous, you can't be identified; so there is no necessity to give false information regarding your age. I understand people don't want to disclose their country, but age is a factor in how your issue should be addressed. By all indications you've been on and off with this guy since you were between 8 and 11? Seriously?!! That makes no sense!
If your age is anywhere near what's given, I think it's time to just get-on with your life. Stop waiting for him in-between relationships. You're a loyal stand-in when he needs female-companionship. You know he's usually with, or has found, somebody else when he dumps you. He's calloused about it, and he cuts you off completely.
It's totally beneath your dignity to allow yourself to be used by men at their convenience.
"why won't he give up? are we meant to be?"
What's it going to take for you to give-up???
Simple answer. He knows you're reliable, pliable, and faithful to a fault. When he needs sex and affection, while he's getting over an ex; you're waiting and willing to be his rebound-girl, or emotional band-aid. You're also a convenient girl on the side; even while he's got a girlfriend! You're his booty-call on-demand, when he's passing through! All he has to do is give you some sappy sweettalk, pretend he misses you; and you'll melt! Then when he's tired of you; he dumps you like you're nobody. How many times will you allow this?
If you were meant to be, you'd be together and would never separate.
Time to grow-up, cut ties, and stop being his fill-in between breakups; or his side-piece during on-going relationships. He's playing you for dumb and cheap, girlfriend!
You deserve better than that. Don't you think? I do!
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