A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I'm reevaluating my life. I have a few friends that I've known since middle school. I left and went away for college and me and them stayed friends. My question: is it time to let the friendships go? One friend gave a guy that I liked, the wrong number for me. And she never told me why. Is that what friends do? Another had me to move in with her and on the first week ask me to pay rent. I haven't even got a paycheck from the job. The third one state's how she wants to see me with a guy that's pitch perfect, and the guys she dates aren't. She said she was going to hook me up with her cousin, but he was always out of town. She makes it seem like she wants better for me than she wants for herself. Why would I want to be friends with someone who has low expectations for themselves and high for me? In what lifetimes does that make sense. Is it time to let these friendships go?
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female
reader, TheSunsWork +, writes (3 February 2021):
I think I know what you mean. Your friend had the opportunity to give a guy that you liked your phone number. And at the time you either were not around or too nervous to do it. I am going to assume you just weren't around at the time. There are situations where that happens so I get it. It is very strange for her to give him the wrong phone number. How did you find this out? Her knowing that you liked him and did that was very suspicious.
I personally kept friends way too long and did not have the guts to speak up for myself or cut them off until much later in life. You can talk to her again and tell her you really want to know why she gave him the wrong number. Tell her it's not even about the guy anymore but about her actions as a friend. If you do not like her response you can tell her you don't want her in your life anymore or you can allow the friendship to fade out by no longer being available to see her. Just be "extra busy."
As far as your friend that you moved in with. Was there a conversation about rent prior to you moving in? It seems like neither of you had the appropriate conversations about money. Did she know you either did not have a job, or had not received a paycheck yet? That sounds like a lack of communication on both of your parts. Any situation involving living with someone, or money, have a clear cut conversation about the expectations.
The last friend seems like she likes you and your personality and wants to see you with a nice guy. She is offering to hook you up with her FAMILY member, that is very nice of you. Everyone's self esteem is not always where it should be and hopefully she will grow to set higher standards for herself.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 February 2021):
 I personally believe evaluating our lives and what/who we have in them should be a constant on-going exercise. Anything which does not add value to our lives should be carefully reviewed and, if it is unlikely to improve at some point, it should be discarded. Similarly with friends. If they don't improve our lives, what is the point of keeping them?
That said, I think it is also important to constantly evaluate ourselves with a view to becoming better human beings. We need to learn to take responsibility for ourselves and to live our lives in the best way possible.
I have always believed that, in order to have friends, you need to BE a friend. You seem to have a sense of entitlement where your friends are concerned. Why would it be your friends' responsibility to cover your rent or fix you up with boyfriends? You are in your 30s so perhaps now is a good time to grow up and start taking responsibility for yourself? If you want to live somewhere, make sure you can cover your share of the rent. If you want to date someone, make the first move rather than expecting your friends to do the legwork for you. Perhaps if you put more into these friendships, you will also get more out of them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2021): Hi
You don't sound like a very good friend yourself and sound like you have enjoyed been pampered and looked after by your friends. Example, giving numbers to men for you, running around after your needs and wants, expecting to live rent free.
You may be re-evaluating your friendships because you now feel that they have nothing else to give you, so you discard them like rubbish. Narcists do things like this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 February 2021):
 It seems like you are utterly passive in your own life.
She gave a guy the wrong number for you. Well, shit happens, if you were TRULY interested you would have given him YOUR number yourself. And if HE was TRULY interested, he would have gotten your number or other contact info.
You move in with someone and they want rent? GASP!! what are they thinking?! Of course you pay rent when you share an apartment! If you didn't HAVE a paycheck yet, you can't move in. Logic! She didn't MAKE you move in. What she did was PRESUME that if you said yes to moving in, you hade money for first month's rent or YOU would have DISCUSSED finances BEFORE moving in!
Your friends might have higher expectations for you, because YOU have higher expectations or they think YOU do. I'd want my friends to date GOOD men REGARDLESS of my own choices. I CERTAINLY wouldn't foist some douche-bag on a good friend.
As for the cousin, well - he isn't interested or haven't met you so it's a no starter as it is. Again, IF you are interested YOU make it know to the person, don't go through other people for your love life.
Find your own dates. It's not friends job to hook you up. But some friend will meet someone and think "oh, Bob would be a good fit for Jane". Doesn't mean Bob or Jane thinks that. Or that it works out.
I fully agree with Code Warrior - if you are re-evaluating life, start with yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2021): Well, as romantic-relationships and friendships go, it takes a series of events and situations to reach some conclusion, or decision. You assess the history and present state of your connection with a person, or people; and evaluate whether it's practical, reasonable, or fulfilling to maintain said friendships or a romantic-relationship.
If things have been coming to a head, trending downward, or deteriorating; then it's at that point in time you must decide. You should be able to work things out through tact, compromise, and effective-communication from one situation to the next. If you find this is never possible; then that should be the deciding factor. If it feels like it has run its course, then yield to that logic and sense of reason.
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