A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:My ex girlfriend has asked me if I'm dating somebody.I broke up with her almost two months ago after an eight month relationship. I was her first love. Just recently I started seeing a girl (lets call her Sarah). I've only been out with Sarah three times, so we're only dating, we aren't "going out so to speak".So tonight I decided to text my ex just to ask how she was doing. She's going to America for a placement year soon and has had a lot of stuff to sort out for that, so I decided to ask about it. Within two messages she asked me if I was seeing a girl called Sarah... I didn't know what to say. I decided since she had asked me directly I should be honest with her as I always have been. So I told her that me and Sarah had dated but aren't "seeing each other". She then text back saying that she was going out and that we should talk another time.Did I do something wrong? Should I have lied to her about the girl I'm dating to spare her feelings even though she asked me directly? I don't want to hurt my ex or make her feel like she didn't mean anything to me. I have only loved two women in my life and she is one of them. I'd hate to upset her! What should I do next? Please advise me!
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 In that case, if you keep in contact with her you might be able to get your love back after you both graduate. Love relationships can be unpredictable for young lovers. I can understand why people want to play the field. It's to avoid the pain of going too deep and being disappointed later. In order to make a relationship work women need a sense of security, a feeling that no matter what she has someone to rely on for a long time. If you reunite after this you can call it fate. If you don't then you can start a new relationship after you have your life all planned out and feel more confident about everything. Right now be the passive one, only reply if she initiates contact and don't feel bad if she shuts you out. There is no need for hard feelings. What's the chance you'll find the one in one year's time, and for her too?
She really didn't have too much invested, otherwise she won't be seeing other guys. Perhaps she's hiding her feelings for you because she's afraid to burden you? She maybe asking you if you are dating to see if you really loved her that much. If you did then you would have given her one more chance. She might also want to know if you are dating because you are done with her, or because you are using someone to forget her completely. Whether you still have feelings for her or you are giving up totally, there is nothing wrong telling the truth. It won't be stringing her along if you just put a little faith into her, unless either one of you get seriously attached to someone else.
She also agreed to this breakup, maybe she didn't fight for it because she didn't want to look like the weak one.
The last days you see her you should determine whether you love each other enough to survive this separation. A year's time might seem like forever at first. If both of you can come out of this your bond will become stronger. Nothing else will break you. So far I only see fear which is the only thing coming in between you two.
A
female
reader, aunty laurla  +, writes (14 August 2010):
I think it was best that you did tell her, obviously someone has told her if she was able to state her name. So yes you are in the right, no point in lieing. You both have been broken up for two months now, and use both know that it wasn't going to work with her moving away... long distant relationships don't work they are way to hard. Your ex may be hurt but give her time and she will be fine, she cant expect you to stay single for ever. I don't know if you two are friends at the moment but if you are then you need to talk to her, let her know that you didn't mean to hurt her but you thought it was best coming from you rather than bumping into to u and "sarah" in the street.
It will probably be hard for your ex to come to terms with you being with someone else, but that's how love goes... Its not easy. If use are still friends don't lose contact just because of this. One bit of advice tho, if you do love her the way you say you do then being friends wont work, it will get complicated and all the emotions and feelings will gather around and mess things up. This is probably why you are in this bit of mess in the first place, your ex has too much feelings for you and she cant deal with you seeing someone else. I think use both need to say good bye for good before one of use get really hurt.
I hope my advice is helpful.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (14 August 2010):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question To clarify, mine and my ex's break up was on very good and mutual terms. We met each other at university and because of her plans for the future involving America we BOTH decided it was best to end our relationship rather than having to face a long distance relationship together.
Perhaps I should have explained this in my question.
Another factor I should mention is that the girl I'm dating likes to "play the field" so to speak. Basically, I'm not the only guy in her life. She is currently dating other guys, but I am okay with that, because our companionship isn't something that will or can turn into a relationship at this point in my life, unfortunately. She is great company and I would really have liked to have pursued a relationship with her, but I am due to go back to university in a month, a matter that Sarah and I have discussed. We have decided that for the next month or so, we have each other to hang around with, do fun things together and generally have a good time. Is it ideal? Not at all, but there is the potential for us to enjoy the time we have together and that's what I intend to do.
I hope this helped give a better perspective of my situation. Please keep the advice coming, it's been very helpful so far, though I do take exception to Soon103's advice. Far too many assumptions for my liking, Soon103, and a very poor and disrespectful judgement of my character. I'm a very sincere person and the sooner you realise that the better, because you seem to see me in a very negative light and I'm not sure why at this time.
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A
female
reader, Mature Lady +, writes (14 August 2010):
Your ex-girlfriend is exactly that your ex,and it is entirely up to you who you see now,and in my opinion you were correct in telling her that you were seeing another girl,lets face it when she is away she will be free to see whoever she want's.But on the other hand if you still have feelings for her admit it and don't string the other girl along.Hope this helps.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, daisy92 +, writes (13 August 2010):
you did everything right. you most definatley shouldn't have lied. but you have to understand that although you can move on , maybe she cant?
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A
male
reader, 1stimenwin  +, writes (13 August 2010):
I agree with the first tow posts. If you were to let her believe you were still single she might think that you hadnt moved on and you still wanted her. You might saving her emotional problems in the long run by not stringing her along.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Hey there!!
Nope, i think you did the right thing.
It would have NOT been ok if she was still your girlfriend. Don't worry, i am sure she is strong enough and will over it sooner or later. Yes, it hurts to know that your ex is talking to someone else but that's life. Someone else will come!
Best wishes!!
:)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 August 2010):
You should tell her the truth. When you hinted you weren't seeing each other in that sense, she may take that as a possibility that you and her still had a chance. It's better to upset her now than later. If she wasn't clear why you broke up with her you had to remind her why, and that those reasons made you fell out of love with her completely. An 8 month relationship really can't mean much but at least she didn't invest too much into it. You just decided that it won't be a good idea to progress into a more serious level. A 2 month break is enough for you to move on. Very few people really need more than a month to think things over and decide whether to go back. You actions show you gave up early on and you shouldn't feel too responsible for how she feels. Hopefully she will forget you when she is in a new environment.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 You have done nothing wrong. She is your ex so you don't have to answer to her anymore.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 August 2010):
 She asked and you told the truth, if she didn't want to know she shouldn't have asked. Besides she is you ex, she needs to get over it.
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A
female
reader, Beccaa +, writes (13 August 2010):
 Dear Andy00,
i think you did th right thing.
lying to someone is commiting a sin!
if you have started Dating this girl Sarah, that shows you have feelings for her right? but since you have broken up with your ex a few months back she needs to open her eyes and see that you have moved on and want to be friends.
As being a girl i know what it feels like to see my Ex start dating another girl.
she might still be in love with you;
Have you ever asked yourself that?
what to do is call her before she goes to america and clear things with her. let her know that you did love her, and she currently plays an important part in your life, but you cant go out with her because you love someone else.
please get back to me and tell me how the situation was handled.
i hope i've helped,
many Regards, Beccaa.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Let me get this straight, you broke up with HER, she is getting ready to go to America, and you are dating someone else. Correct?
Why did you feel you had to text her at this time ANYWAY?
She is your ex. Why not leave it up to HER to contact YOU?
Should you have lied? No. But you sure could have timed things better. Especially if you really didn't have anything important or pressing to discuss with her.
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