A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone heres the thing my partner and i been going out for 3years well in that 3 years we had problems he has two seriouse illnesses on epilepsy n other mental illness hes takin tablets n since we been together ive seen him have a episode og the mental illness. Im 30 snd hes 26. hes unable to find a job and has been looking around but no luck were due a council place and my parents sat me down and told me its a big responsible takin on him n his illness n being the main bread winer i wneed advice should i stay wit him n i do wana but have doubt about it working Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your help. Weve booked a doc appoitment next week to talk about our options n hes lookin into voluntary work as i write this i really do love him and thought long n hard about this and will stick though him. I also told him hes got to learn to support himself as well and he accepts this
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 August 2010):
 Your parents are just showing concern because they care about you. I think the main issue is that you are having doubts. It can be a big strain on a relationship when one person has a disability or medical condition, while the other person has to take all the responsibility for day-to-day living. If you are thinking of taking on a council tenancy (which is what I think you mean by council place) I would say it shouldn't go in your name. I would also say you should not get joint financial responsibilities with him (i.e. bank accounts, credit cards, utility bills). The reason is that if the relationship fails, the debt could fall to you as the only person with income. It could end up haunting you for years to come. The NHS and local charities sometimes offer support groups for people affected by mental illness (i.e. the carers). Why not give MIND or your GP a call and ask if there are any in your area. I think you may find it helpful to speak to people in the same situation as yourself. If you are to stay with him then you need to encourage him into a job or education. If he is long term unemployed with on-going medical problems then he may need to see a specialist careers advisor who could find him a placement (try the connections organisation). He probably needs some recent work experience to find a job and I think you should push him towards voluntary sector opportunities. The reason is that it may help his mental condition if he is kept busy and if he learns some skills then he will get confidence. If he gets a job, he would be entitled to an access to work grant on the basis of his medical conditions. This assessment and equipment support may make the transition back to work easier for him.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 I understand how your parents feel but do you love this guy? I mean REALLY love him? Because if so then stick with him. I hope he is seeing his doctor and is on the correct medication for his problems. As far as finding a job goes if he really wants to work there are plenty of jobs out there you just have to be prepared to do anything. Maybe he is being a little bit too fussy.
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