A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I have a huge problem that effects me everyday. Ill start out with the background information. It all started about two years ago when I got pregnant at age 18. My sister was 16 at the time. Anyways, I lived at home then and still do. The problem is every since I got pregnant and had a baby my entire family, but mainly my sister, has become extremely shady toward me. For example, my sister has called me every name in the book and calls me a bad mom and worthless everyday of my life. I am in college and have done my best to be a good mother even though I've had postpartum Depression, a horrible breakup with the babies father,financial difficulties, and just going to school and taking care of a baby in general. I believe I've done a very good job compared to most teen mothers but my family still makes me feel horrible everyday. If I do anything other than play with my baby they tell me I'm being a bad mom. My dad has even gone as far as to tell me he'd rather see my baby with a crackhead than me. It never ends. I know I've messed up in the past but I had completely did a 180 turn into the right direction. However, none of my family sees it. They don't understand that I cry randomly or get really upset because of them. I've tried talking to them about it. I've done so much to try to get them to accept me but nothing ever works. I am always depressed here. Its affecting everything in my life. I can barely hold on to what friends I do have because I'm always upset. I'm trying to get a job and move out but the process is slow. Does anyone have any advice for how I can fix the problem or tips for ignoring everything until I can get out of here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. As to the reasons, I'm not too sure. They are religious and since I've messed up quit a bit in my teenage years none of them will let it go. But thank you all and ill definitely try your advice.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 December 2010):
Did your family always act negatively towards you? Are they very religious? I'm just trying to figure out why those that should support and love you use every opportunity to bring you down. But regardless of the reasons behind this behaviour, you should get out of there right now.
If you can't afford moving small somewhere on your own, call up your friends and ask if you can stay with them a few days a week so you don't live at home every single day.
Meanwhile, you have to try to make it livable at home. If you can't be nice to eachother, negotiate silent tolerance. You don't talk to them, they don't talk to you.
If your dad says he'd prefer your baby to be with a crackhead, tell him that he's got no room to talk since he's not doing a good job at parenting either. Tell your sister you wish her good luck with such a vile vocabulary.
But really tell them you've had enough of their complaints and that if they haven't got anything nice to say they might as well shut up and leave you be.
But honestly, if you are like you say you are and they are as bad as you describe, I would not talk to them at all. Just pretend they don't exist. Look through them, don't react to their taunts and certainly not to their insults. Only look up if they have something sensible to say and otherwise ignore them.
I used to do this when I was bullied at school. People want attention, whether negative or positive. If you don't give them that, don't look them in the eye and don't acknowledge their presence, they will either adjust their behavior to catch your attention or they will leave you alone.
But really try to get your own place as soon as possible. This is not healthy!
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A
female
reader, HondaTohru  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Okay, seems like your family's expectations for you were deceived and now they're taking their frustration out on you. It's understandable, but completely irrational. I don't know how you normally react when they verbally abuse you, but try keeping the dialogue open. For example, if they say you're doing something wrong, calmly ask them how you could do it better; either they'll give you an answer that makes sense and you'll both get something positive out of it, or it'll shut them up, or they'll give you a really stupid and insulting answer like "you should give your baby to adoption to a hobo". In that case, it would prove that you're the one in the right and that everything they say is worthless, which will make it easier to ignore...Sorry I couldn't find any better advice to give, but I hope it helps at least a little... Keep your chin up! :)
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A
female
reader, daydreamer247 +, writes (13 December 2010):
I'm sorry. I know this is a rough time and unsupporting family members make it worse. I would suggest that you keep doing you best with going to school and looking for a job. If you feel the need to say something to your family maybe you can let them know how you feel. I would try a more nurturing person first, like a grandma or a mother, who might be able to give some advise. I know some families don't care about feelings or think that people are being dramatic when they talk about thier feelings, so this may not work for you, but at least you could get it off your chest. Your doing your best and that's really all you can do. Best wishes.
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