A
female
age
36-40,
*i_the_tree
writes:Let me start by giving you a bit of information on my current situation. My ex and i were together (on and off) for 3 and a half years. In June '10 we broke up and a day or 2 after, he got with another girl. Of course i was heartbroken, but after a couple of weeks he was talking to me again. Throughout the last 6-7 months, we have been talking, meeting up and he says that he loves me, not her and wants to be with me. This means he has to break up with her. I told him to take his time and do it properly, but now i keep having dreams involving both him and her, and find myself waking up a lot more during the night.The dreams come in various forms, but in my dreams when i am with him, just sitting, talking or playing, i always heard her voice (even though i have never actually heard her voice in real life) and he vanishes, but more recently, she has actually appeared in my dreams now and has actually started to speak to me (in a very nasty way of course) I have been on a dream interpretation site before, for my earlier dreams before these ones came about, but i was wondering if anyone had some hints or tips to help me rest a little easier at night. I know dreams are basically your subconcious telling you things, but i'm sick to death of waking up every few hours during the night with an imprint of her in my mind and feeling like crap afterwards. It's beginning to affect some aspects of my life, for example i'm tired and have no drive to do important things i need to be doing. I just wish the dreams would stop and that i'm not constantly left with an imprint of her in my head. I don't know whats going on, and i wondered if people had an insight into this, all you spiritual people out there could give some cracking advice!I really hope someone can help me.PS-I do want my ex back, but i am forced to wait until he breaks up with her, the waiting and not hearing from him all that much is the hardest thing to do, even though i feel i am coping with it very well by keeping busy with other things.
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (6 January 2011):
fi_the_tree is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you to everyone for all your advice. I know it seems crazy for me to want him back after he got with someone else, and we have talked recently about how to move forwards and not let the same things destroy us again. In the past we used to think that it was only the other that had to makes changes, but now we realise that we both need to work on things to makes it better and we know what those things are.
To aunt honesty, just because she is now with him, doesn't mean i first thought she was a bad person. He always seems to txt me saying that she has been arguing with him and one night he tried to stop her walking from his at 4am in -5 degrees wearing a dress and heels, and she punched him in the face because of it!!! From that moment on, i was shocked and appalled by her, and she continues to destroy him even now by sneaking off with others and turning her phone off.
As for the risk of STD's, i have been tested before and has been negative, i know there are still risks involved and i will continue to be tested when necessary.
Thanks again for all your advice, i appreciate it :)
A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I'll apologize in advance but it pains me to see such scenarios and questions. You are wasting your energies in places that are irrelevant in my opinion, in part because of the skewed perspective you have. I cringe just hearing/reading that you want this guy back.
I mean you are asking about a dream interpretation but the way I see it I don't know why you even care because you shouldn't in that if you were not involved in this situation then you probably wouldn't be having such dreams.
Red flag #1: Your relationship has been off and on for years. This shows me that the relationship was and had been on shaky ground. Why you want more of this I'm not sure. There is no such thing as an off and on relationship.
Red flag #2: You guys break up and just as soon as he closes the door on you he has his penis in another woman. Seriously, and you want this back? He has managed to find another woman just as gullible who gets with him in a matter of days. Methinks these 'off' sessions are premeditated in that they occur when he sees that something on the side has the potential to bear fruit for him so to speak.
Hate to go on a rant here but when did woman's liberation mean getting with a guy who will feed you anything you want to hear to get your drawers off and/or back in your drawers? Seriously, he's on with you when he wants to be in your drawers and off with you when he's working on another woman's drawers. So I'll ask again, this is the kind of dude you want? You want this back? You and her fall for this guy's stuff hook, line and sinker. He comes back to you after having his fill of her and says a couple of nice words and you're swooning over him again like he's the only guy in town. Here is where I attribute some blame to parents and the education system. Is there any thinking going on here?
Just thought I'd throw in the standard but real STD concerns. Your wanting this guy back will just increase that risk.
In a nutshell you don't need to know what your dreams are saying. Thinking more is all you need to do as all the information you need you already know. But since you're having these dreams, they're essentially saying this guy is a douche in the truest sense if the word. Your desire to want him back is misguided and sure to give you many more years (if you allow it) of second rate relationship experiences.
My suggestion, kick douche to the curb (literally). Live and learn and have higher standards the next time around. Respect yourself and future partners by not jumping right into another "relationship". Give it time, something your current interest either doesn't understand, can't comprehend, and/or doesn't care about. Hopefully you will going forward and can aspire to having someone in your future that has values and integrity and will treat you with respect. On your end, you won't allow yourself to be treated like a second rate citizen and be wiser and smarter to the ways that unfortunately many of my gender engage in. While I don't condone what these guys do, behind every douche and every cheater is a woman who one way or another facilitates it or allows it. In the least, don't be a facilitator of such guys who prey on a woman's insecurities.
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A
female
reader, HurtandUnsure  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 If he jumped from dating you, to another girl in such a short amount of time, chances are he doesn't know how to deal with being 'alone'. Don't treat this relationship he's in right now as real, she's a rebound. If you truly believe he wants to be with you over her, tell him to break up with her. If he does so, congrats. If not, then he's very confused and is actually considering staying with this other woman as your replacement.
Aunt Honesty has nailed your dreams meaning, before going to sleep, write about your day and reflect. If you don't enjoy writing, read one of your favorite books, if you're not much of a reader, then by all means, meditate and listen to soothing music to fall asleep.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Your dream is telling you exactly how you feel, when she calls him and he goes running this is your brain telling you that you are scared that he will leave you for her if he comes back. He moved on from you very quickly and went with her and this is making you feel that he could leave you once again for her, without you realising it has made you insecure. She is being nasty to you in your dreams as you know deep down you are taking away her boyfriend and there might be a little bit of guilt deep down in you as you have been there before and felt the pain, her being nasty in your head is trying to make you feel a bit better about what you are doing as you are analyzing her in to being a nasty person so you wont feel that bad.
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