| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: my daughter is ten and is friends with a girl the same age. my daughter told me about a year ago that her friend masturbates in their class at school (which i have since told the head teacher) and has now told me that this girl has been role playing with my daughter, pretending to either be a rapist or a paedophile, whilst my daughter is the victim. my daughter told me that this girl acted out humping her on the girls bed. this girl is also a comulsive liar and her own mother has told me she does not believe a word her daughter says. i would like to know if anyone thinks that this type of role play is normal behaviour and whether i am concerned about nothing?? thanks.
View related questions:
liar Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): it does seem as if your hands are tied. What a tragedy when our system protects the guilty while allowing the sacrifice of a child. mal
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, nothing seems to have happened, my daughter has told me this girl is still lying over everything and i saw her step father working at the school the other day, as i said previously him and her mother are on the school council. Very sad if they are not looking into this girls background but as i said it doesnt surprise me as they are both well in with the school and the social services would have no doubt approached the school first so guessing they would have got a glowing report back. All this is further away from the truth about them, which is they are extremely strict with this girl, to the point of ridiculous and her mother barely spends any time with her daughter, not to mention being fully aware the girls real dad talks to her horribly when she goes to stay with him every other weekend.Oh well i have highlighted my concerns and if this girl has slipped through the net as it has been covered up then i have done all i can!!, thanks again!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Legioness  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 May I also just add, check out www.everychildmatters.gov.uk it may be of some use to you regarding the situation :)
...............................
A
female
reader, old-spinstah +, writes (8 November 2009):
You've done the right thing by reporting to the NSPCC. If you mentioned to the NSPCC that her parents are actively involved in the school via the board of govorners, this should be taken into consideration during any investigation.Bear in mind, you will get very little information from the school about the progress. You may never find out what the outcome is. They will not discuss it with you either way becasue of confidentiality and may actively try to stop these converstaions with you by fobbing you off. There could also be the possibility that this little girl was abused in the past and the situation has been dealt with. Even if the little girl is still no longer being abused, it will still be affecting her behaviour and she may still feel the need to act it out.Make sure you own daughter knows that the is not bad or dirty for having played these games. (She's not - sexual role play in this age group is very common. It's just the scenarios of rape that aren't) Let her know that she doesn't have to play these games if she really doesn't want to and that no-one should hurt her.Have the affected little girl play at your house where you can supervise play. If she really is currently suffering sexual abuse, the friendship with your daughter may really be a safe haven for her.Take care and keep us posted. I don't envy your situation
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey all, just an update, i have as i said reported what my daughter told me, however i have been told the first port of call will be to approach the school. Well, this girls parents on the chair commitee at the school and her grandmother is also a governor at the school.
I have approached the school over a seperate incident a few weeks ago regarding this girl and the headteacher has defended this girl and her actions, which, in my opinion is because of the above reasons, so i am not holding out that any such investigation will be conducted with the head teacher as she has shown to me to clearly want to defend any of this girls behaviour, which incidentally is the fact she is a compulsive liar!!
But thankyou so much for your views, sadly i think that if there is even any grain of truth in your thoughts they may very well be covered up!!
ps marriedlady, thankyou for your last comment, i dont hold grudges lol so no problems with you x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): You are so right lola. AND because the other child has a huge problem does not mean she should be thrown to the wolves. i also am of the mindset that there has been some type of sexual abuse. I hope someone can do an intervention here and get her some help. At 10 she has an excellent chance of being helped. I am of a mixed mind here...i don't know maybe there should be some kind of friendship with your daughter allowed...i would make it supervised of course. Your daughter is blessed to have a safety net in place. Poster, I am in your corner and i do apologize for the offensive post. I am passionate when it comes to children, sometimes maybe too much. However I give you kudos for the actions you have taken in this situation. I extend the olive branch of peace and truly wish you and yours the best. mal
...............................
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 We all seem to be in agreement. The child (not the OP's daughter, the other one) appears to have learned all these ideas and behaviours somewhere and has a mother who doesn't trust or believe her. Something IS “wrong with her head”, although this is not the most sensitive way to put it.
Her thinking is misaligned; she is troubled. This doesn’t mean she can’t be helped or that she is evil or was "born bad" and should be abandoned. This child can and should be helped as everyone else appears to have stated.
Your child will likely be just fine. :-) She felt comfortable approaching her mother, even though she felt this situation was odd. She doesn’t appear to feel shame or guilt or responsibility as is sadly common amongst the victims of sexual abuse.
OP and fellow mother, I can not help but imagine how alarmed you must have felt when you learned about this! But you should do your best not to worry for your daughter. You are now aware and can protect her AND you may have taken a powerful step towards helping a young girl where her mother appears ill-equipped or unwilling to have done so.
This child could have reported to her mother that she is being abused, but the mother chooses not to believe her. This is also, sadly and oddly common. THIS could be where her mother got the "idea" her daughter is a compulsive liar, for all we know.
I agree with my fellow aunts that your daughter should no longer be permitted to go to this other girl’s home. If you judge that your daughter’s well-being would not be jeopardized by allowing the other girl to visit your home, and is interested in maintaining her friendship, the other child may benefit from seeing what a home CAN be like.
Good luck and good work!
...............................
A
female
reader, Legioness +, writes (5 November 2009):
I'm studying childcare in college at the moment and have just finished on the child abuse section.. This is showing major signs of sexual abuse!! The role playing and masturbation are probably the biggest signs that you can get. Also, the poor girl in questions mother saying that she's a compulsive liar, well, I think she's trying to hide something there. Thank god you've reported it to the NSPCC.. And jeez other aunts.. Saying that the child needs help because she's not right in the head? Open your eyes.. It could help alot of children in the future if you don't just pass the quite clear signs of abuse off as being crazy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have taken the necessary action and reported my concerns to the NSPCC so hopefully my daughters friend will have any help that she may need, thanks again!
...............................
A
female
reader, OmShantih +, writes (2 November 2009):
 The fact that this little girl is openly masturbating in class suggests that her perception of what is acceptable sexual behaviour isn't right, it also suggests that she is doing it in an environment which it is openly allowed and probably from a young age.
I have read case studies through my work inwhich the same behaviour has been identified, that said all the girls have been much younger, but equally have suffered extreme sexual abuse.
I think you are certainly right to be alarmed, Your daughter needs to know this isnt healthy, but at the same time, You and your daughter may be the only life line this little girl has, especially your daughter, I dont think you should split them up as long as your daughter isn't suffering and is happy to still be friends with her. I do agree that they should only be allowed to be together at your house.
It isnt technically your responsibility to do anything about it, but as I said this little girl may be your only life line, I would suggest calling NSPCC or another child protection organisation, I think you are right to be alarmed at the fact that the mother doesnt believe anything she says, none of this situation is normal and I dont envy you at all, well done for asking for advise and I wish you all the best!
Love and Light
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontrue..i realised form my last response on here that i said my daughter would not play these games, which of course she technically has. however she did not think the ideas up herself, her frined said 'lets play this, ill be the paedophile/rapist and you be the victim'.this has all come out recently and i asked my daughter why she did not say anything at the time, she said she knew it was 'weird' her friend was asking her to do it, she also said 'no' but this girl proceeded anyhow. my daughter has not been hurt nor has this girl tried to do go any further than to hump her knees. of course i know that from my point of view it is strange behaviour but as i said i did not know if 'some' children do this and it was considered part of exploring thier sexuality. naive maybe but i didnt want to think the worst. thanks again for all your comments.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): You say in your followups several times that "my daughter doesnt play these kind of games" but in your original question you say "..this girl has been role playing with my daughter...this girl acted out humping her on the girls bed." Which all sounds to me as though your daughter was participating in these things (although possibly not entirely willingly.)
I'm sorry if I misread what you wrote, I just wanted to get clarificaition. I do not envy you either, this is very complicated. I do suggest your daughter not hang out with this girl, simply because the girl is doing things that are not appropriate or what you desire.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): i will retract 'parenting classes' but replace it with some kind of guidance for parents or caregivers in difficult situations. Ml
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): dear OP, Im not quite sure what i said that was so offensive. I certainly wasnt calling your parenting as a whole bad, but as a parent i wouldnt know exactly what to do with this and would expect that i would need some licensed expert advice. I think also that because of the over the top nature of this childs 'play'... your child could use some counseling. Lest you think im being judgemental im not. 10 years ago my 9 yr old sister was molested for 6 mo. before we caught it. We didnt get her counseling. I thought she would be fine as it wasnt rape. We had just lost our dad, and as i am 25 years older than her with kids her age, she lived with me at least 50% of the time. My responsibility... 5 years later this child tried run away, and many times threatened to commit suicide. Because i dropped the ball. I will gladly make you mad if in doing so i can save you the pain and regret i live with and cause you to get help. This is bigger than you can deal with. I truly apologize for the anger i caused, but i do understand. And i stand by my guns. Good luck sweatheart...ml.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appreciate all your thoughts on this, barring the comment on 'i need to maybe have parenting lessons'. if you knew me you would not say that, my daughter is well loved and cared for and what i have found out about her friend has only been last few days and it apparently happened a few months back (approx four). i have never had reason to think anything bad about her family, yes she did masturbate last year on a fairly regular basis at school and i reported this, however i was told that this was not uncommon for children to do this.as for her playing these games as i said that has only come to light, no i do not consider this normal behaviour as i know my daughter would not think to play this kind of stuff, but i do not know about other children and what they may or may not do.yes her mother is married second time round and yes i found it odd she said last yeat she did not believe a word her daughter says however like a jigsaw the pieces seem to be falling into an ugly setting, wouldnt you agree!!
...............................
A
female
reader, PixiePie +, writes (2 November 2009):
 as married lady said, playing doctor is normal, and even working out what bits of each others bodies do is to a certain extent, but this kind of sick role play is not only wrong, but can be mentally scarring.
for the sake of your daughter forbid contact with this other girl, she needs serious psychological help but as she is not your child this is not your responsibility.
separation is the only way to care for your daughter.
...............................
A
female
reader, WiccanWonder +, writes (2 November 2009):
 Anything to do with pedophillia is messed up in my mind. Keep your daughter away from her, and suggest to the mother of the other child to get that child some help, as obviously there is something wrong in the kids mind.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This does sound alarming. Masturbation in children of this age is not particularly uncommon but at 10 they will know that it should be done in private - not in the classroom. Sexualised role play amongst children is also not that uncommon but (as mariedlady points out) this is normally more like playing doctor. I engaged in such play as a child with a female classmate and never considered it as a sexual experience but as a fun and inventive game. The game was, however, based on information from age-appropriate biology books and some playground misinformation - nothing about paedophiles and rapsits. I don't think such words were even in my vocabulary at that age.
I certainly think it's a cause for concern that this little girl wants to indulge in such role-play and displays other sexualised behaviour in public.
You should report your concerns to the head teacher or to you local social services.
If you wish to remain anonymous call the NSPCC helpline 0808 800 5000. For more information check out their website www.nspcc.org.uk
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all barring marriedlady, do not preach to me as i know that my daughter doesnt play these kind of games but i am asking if anyone else knows of other children that may do!!
And i have taken advice on this but i wanted some advice from other people so please quit the i need to take parenting lessons, sunshine my daughter is well looked after, i am not writing about mine!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): playing 'doctor' is normal. Playing rapist and victin or pediaphilia and victim is NOT normal. No way. Move your kid away from this other one and keep her away. Absolutely no contact. I would also advise counselling. I have kids that age and as a mother i cant believe you even have to ask...maybe, and im not trying to be mean here, but maybe you need to go to some parenting classes. Something. You are responsible for your child mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Honey you have dropped the ball and you need to figure out how to pick it back up...please be responsible. Your childs well~being is depending on you. Ml
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): No, it is not normal and I would forbid your daughter from being alone with her. Problem solved.
Her mother needs to get the child some professional help, she may be being sexually abused by a family member. Which would be another reason I would be concerned about letting your daughter go to her house.
If she doesn't want to shut the girl out totally, then only allow her to come to your house and have supervised play.
I hope you are telling your daughter that this kind of playing is not OK. There is nothing funny about rape of child molestation.
...............................
|
