A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I'm a father in his 40's and I hav a daughter who is 16. So she is at the age when she will start to think about having a serious realtionship with a boy (as they do that age). I'm worried because I would really like for her to concentrate more on her exams at A-Level and less on having boyfriends (she did well in her GCSE's by the way) as she can have time to do that when at university.I just wanted to ask how should I approach this scenario and tell her this without her being rebellious?
View related questions:
her ex, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (28 August 2006):
 I endorse what Wild Thaing has said, as a father and as Dr Pete said its good that you have taken the time to write in, as long as you teach your children to know whats best for them, theyw ill make the right decisons themselves. My dad never told me dont go out with boys, but he always said you are doing well at school, imagine in 10 years you could be so and so and I would take on board that, my mum was the same, she never said no to boys, but in the end, I went through GCSE'S, A Levels without boys being a major issue, my studying meant I had no time for them and it didnt bother me!!! Take care and I hope your daugher suceeds in her studies too. xXx
A
female
reader, pica +, writes (28 August 2006):
It doesn't sound like there's a boy on the horizon at the moment so perhaps not stress that aspect of it when there's not an issue. What about a general chat about studying and "the future"? Assuming university is what she wants, try to support her as a family, take an interest in what she's studying. The more you talk to her and respect her viewpoint, the more she'll tell you about her friends and potential boyfriends. You never know, she might meet someone ambitious at the library who'll encourage her to study harder ;) I think though the key is to listen, again listen, see her point of view and support, support. Good luck to you both.
...............................
A
female
reader, chunkymunky +, writes (28 August 2006):
 Its hard to stop your daughter from seeing him, and i dont think it would nessicerily help during her a-levels. Everyone makes mistakes and if she does then she has to deal with it herself and you'll just have to stand back and be the supportive father. But I think if you force her to stop seeing him then it will push them closer together, just dont give her any more stress than she will already have doing her a-levels. Hope everything works out for the best x x x
...............................
A
female
reader, fATTYNATTY +, writes (28 August 2006):
 i think, try and put your self in her position if you can, imagine and 16 year old girl, whole life of"fun" ahead of you - in a 16 year olds mind . guys are unfortunatly one of the main things a girl thinks about and craves of a at that age.
i think the only way she will be rebellious is if you dont talk to her calmly.explain how you feel but then give her time to think about it. so pick your day wisely. make it honest but to the pointand obviously state your worried
i've gatherd shes a smart girl doing well in her gcses so she knows what she should and shouldnt be doing and im sure when you explain to her she'll understand .
...............................
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (28 August 2006):
 Hey Anon, I have a daughter too. She's seven years old but I have been musing about (or is that dreading?) the boyfriend issue since the day she was born.
I have a friend who is only 25 and going to grad school but is equipped to deal with the boyfriend issue in a way that I hope my daughter will one day achieve.
I think all we can do is equip our kids with the ability to make good choices. If you have taught your daughter to listen to her inner voice, listen less to her emotions, and develop a moral standard, then you've done all that you can. She will be able to decide when a boyfriend is appropriate and when one is not.
I hope this helps. Good luck and take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): Hey Dad
First I have to say it's good to hear that you have taken the time out to send this message expressing your concern for your daughter. You've gone an extra mile to try and make sure you do the right thing by her.
To be honest I would say you've already done as much as you can in the way that you have brought her up thus far. You have already equiped her with her own morality, ability to make decisions and nurtured her so that she may develop her own self worth; and this is what is core to the decisions she makes with men in the future. To this extent, much of her life decisions will be based on her relationship with you.
I have not been in your situation but I am guessing that by age 16 maybe honesty is the best policy. Be honest and frank with her. Tell her that you know how things change for a young adult, in that you seek acceptance and attention from the opposite sex but about the pitfalls in getting in to a relationship; especially if that relationship takes you away from your true priorities in life. Perhaps she could meet a guy mature enough to ensure she dedicates most of her time to her study, but on the other hand, most guys her age will possibly not do this because they equally seek and need physical and emotional attention from the opposite sex.
If you have brought your girl up well, I should imagine she has the character to see where her priorities lie. You said she did well in her GCSE's so that is very encouraging.
I dunno. I guess try and empathise with her, and make her see how proud you would be to see her do well. Not in a way that gives her un-necessary pressure, but in a way that shows it's because you know her potential and want her to be able to demonstrate it.
Good luck anonymous, I don't envy your position but I shall be there myself one day :)
...............................
|
