A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Grrr.. In so frustrated at what happened last night after going for a meal with my family!It was my boyfriends birthday and we decided to take him out to eat, I said it'd be my treat because my bf always pays for everything when we go out.Now my dad really took advantage with what he ordered coz he knew I was paying!We ordered our starters and main- he ordered the most expensive items on the menu and also asked the waiter to bring us a selection of breads and olives BEFORE our starters,He also ordered 2 bottles of wine which HE drank most of and then before dessert he asked for a cheese platter which he consumed himself and a double brandy!It doesn't end there- in addition to his dessert and coffee he also had a liquor drink!Now I'm not a stingy person but the bill came to nearly £200-the majority of what he ordered. My mum had a go at him for it but he didnt see anything wrong!I will NEVER offer to do this again. Was he selfish?? How do I get past my annoyance at this?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Chickb +, writes (7 June 2010):
Your dad sounds like a very selfish man who evidently knew what he was doing but didn't care about your feelings.
I have a brother who is the same& when we go out ASCAP family he orders the most expensive thing& when it comes to dividing the bill we all pay forcthe majority of his food! I was upfront& said I'd mo longer do this& pay for just my own meal. Other members of my family agreed& now he orders the cheapest thing!
As for some of these people on here who try to make out it's your fault& your dad has spent money on you etc... Well he decided to have children -his responsibility! Doh! You want a kic you make the sacrifice! End of!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): I'm the OP for this question.
Wow! I didn't realise I'd get all these responses!
Just to let certain members who responded to this know I don't earn a great deal if money, I work the usual 9-5 & work he'd& save what I can.
Also my dad is very tight withbhis money& I have NEVER even got a birthday card from him or a present on any of my birthdays- I'm 28! It's my mum who getsvthe presents on behalf of both of them& he never contributes.
Also may I add if u have kids then u should be willing to make the sacrifice, nine of us asked to be born! But we all gave ghe choice whether to breed!
I decided I will not take this up with my dad& never invite him to another meal where I'm paying.
I don't know anyone in their right mind that would not feel guilty after taking advantage if soneones good nature.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): I can see that it was annoying to you and not what you expected BUT...it's your dad. Think about everything he's done for you over the years. Just let it go. He might have done the same if he's been paying. I think, you just have to chalk it up, and ask yourself whether your dad is worth the £100+ to you that his meal cost. I would hope that he is.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): Ok, we had a similar situation in our family a few weeks ago. also my daughter invited us for a meal because a friend of hers was visiting her from another town. Only I ordered the cheapest possible meal for myself without offending the others who ordered expensive meals. At the end of the meal I even offered to pay the bill being her dad but she refused and insisted on paying herself. But that is not the point. What amazes and shocks me from most of the replies here how disrespectful have young people become towards their parents and elders. ok, he was wrong and probably he had some reason for his act but please remember the sacrifizes and the pains and deprevation your parents suffered to raise you and to get you where you are. I suggest you talk to your mother and let her ask him to reimburse the cost of his meal. I am sure he will gladly do if he knows how you feel about it.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 June 2010):
 I don't think you can say anything about this without making yourself seem bad - you did invite him out as a treat (I know you didn't expect him to break the bank). I don't think your father behaved like a gent, but I am guessing this wasn't a 'one off' event as it suggests there is something about his personality that made him behave like that. If he knew your boyfriend was paying maybe it is his way to telling you he doesn't like him very much! He could have been 'punishing' him for dating his daughter. I think you just walk away with a lesson learned and just never invite him for a freebie dinner again! Buy him a box of chocolates next time or take him to an 'all you can eat' for a fiver cafe!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): I think that he was selfish I mean how can he do something like that to his own daughter. I think that you have to talk to him about how you feel and how much he's hurting you because according to my understanding while I was reading this it this was not the only thing that he has done that hurt you.
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A
female
reader, Toni.x +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Ha, that is quite funny, sorry.
You need to tell him what a jerk he was and just how much it annoyed you, think about it , he had no right to do that!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 June 2010):
He sounds like my father. As soon as he knows he can take advantage, he will. Clearly never give him any freedom again. I think it would be wise to speak to your mother and see if she will cover part of the bill. As for the anger, use it constructively and so something like exercise. When I get angry, I try to use it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): Hahaha, think of all the meals hes payed for, way more than that
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A
female
reader, Espanol +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Try and make your dad understand that there's an area of politeness that is very close and bordering to rude...
State that excessive ordering just because someone else is paying is bad manners, and then to make yourself feel better know that you have the moral high ground because you know better :)
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Yikes! It's like an episode from a sitcom here. Not much you can actually DO about it, though, hey? Consider a debit to the 'Life's lessons' account.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Yes.. that's.. hilariously selfish and rude. That's a comedy show type story.
No offense.
You can't get passed it if you don't have a go at him yourself.
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