A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:hi. I have a problem with my dads girlfriend. I barley know her and my dad keeps pushing her down my throat(not literally). just a month ago he told me they were engaged. it seems like now she is taking him away from everything he once held dear. and he is letting her. when their wedding comes around should I go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): OP, some adults after a divorce either choose to focus on their children or choose to focus on themselves or both. I wish you would actually provide more context given your recent updates, but you still haven't. From what I can gather, your father is focusing on what makes him happy and expects you to be happy for him because you're his daughter. He doesn't want to make an effort with you. He wants to focus solely on himself and blindly expects a sixteen-year-old will accept everything as is. Some adults you can't reason with. You can choose to go along with him and his girlfriend or go your own way. There doesn't seem to be any room for compromise. Maybe a few years down the line, your father will regret not having been a better father, but who knows. Maybe he's already planning to have children with his girlfriend and you be forgotten about. It's a sad reality and a possibility in your case. Now, maybe what I'm saying is all wrong, but this is what I'm getting from the info you've provided.All the best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): Every time I tell him he says that I don't try. I do try. but his gf wants to take him away from all of his family where we live. He didn't even want to spend fathers day with me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): The woman is capable of putting her name on a birthday card. Pretty unreasonable for her to get angry that someone else didn't write her name for her. Your dad is moving fast. Two months of dating and they moved in together? Whoa. He's obviously eager to find another companion since the divorce. So eager he's probably not considering how it will affect you or just hopes you'll eventually come around. You're 16. I can see how this is a struggle for you. It would be nice if you could elaborate on your dad's girlfriend. You haven't been particularly specific. How much of an effort has she put to get to know you? Does she have bad habits that irk you? In what ways has she changed your father? Tell your dad how you feel if you haven't already. If he doesn't listen to you and instead gives you the whole spiel of how you should be happy for him now that he's found someone to love and says "don't be selfish, you're my daughter, you should support me, blah blah blah..." even though he's the adult in the situation, then I'm afraid things aren't going to lighten up for you unless you see things THEIR way. A lot of people here are telling you that you have no right to say anything about your parents getting divorced or re-married. They call you childish and accuse you of wanting to create drama. You certainly have the right not to accept certain people into your life if you downright dislike them. Just because your parents brought you to life doesn't mean they can control who you allow in your life. Real life isn't the image of a family sitting around a camp fire, singing songs, and getting along. You cut ties with others and meet new people. That's how it goes.I honestly believe your dad and his new girlfriend are gonna get married regardless of what you say. If your dad changes and you don't like those changes, I would simply cut him out of your life once you turn eighteen. Because, if you told him how you feel and he didn't change in response to hearing your feelings, then that means he chose his girlfriend over you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 July 2014):
 So she's trying. she wanted her name on the birthday card to wish you a happy birthday and SHE felt invisible and excluded from your relationship with your dad when he did that.
Have you told your dad how you feel invisible and ignored?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): My mother and father were fighting all the time and that is why I told them that. it was better for both of them. until my dad started dating this girl. after two months they moved in together. and when that happened I started to see that my dads Gf was a lot bipolar. she got extremely mad at him for not putting her name on my b-day card...
p.s. when I am around them I feel invisible...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 July 2014):
Oh dear.... the fact that you think you had the right to tell your parents it was ok to get a divorce is part of the issue. that was their marriage and you had no say in it.
As for now, this woman is NOT your father's girlfriend, she is his FIANCEE' and is going to be YOUR stepmother.
16 is a very rough age to deal with the fact that daddy loves someone other than you or your mommy... it sucks.
and 14 was hard to lose your family as you knew it. I often think that kids do better when parents end it when they are younger instead of hanging on and trying to make it work for the kids...
You are jealous of the attention your dad is paying to this woman you see as an intruder. Your jealousy is normal. Your feelings normal. But you have to work through it.
Dad is entitled to be happy don't you agree?
Sadly for you it's not with your mom but rather another woman.
I was not happy when my widowed father moved on. I was 35 and yet I felt anger and hurt and sadness. MY family was no more... Now my dad built a family with this woman... and that left me feeling left out.
It took me many years to realize that this woman takes good care of my dad, makes my dad happy and fills a need for him that I could not ever fill.
If you are invited to the wedding I think by all means you should go and smile as best as you can... years from now if you look sour and angry in the pictures you will be reminded of how long it took you to cope and accept this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): hi, me again. I am actually 16 and 2 years ago I told my mother that I was alright with them getting divorced. but this woman has changed my dad for the worse. he used to be fun and actually held conversations with me. now everything I tell him goes in one ear and ripped right back out. I miss the daddy I had.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): Your dad isn't pushing his girlfriend down your throat. You're resisting and rejecting her with all your might.
He has found someone he cares for; and you're old enough to know better.
There will be boyfriends that you'll introduce to your parents that they may not like; that would include even the man you may intend to marry. Well your dad beat you to the punch; and found someone he wants to marry first. Like it, or not. He's the parent, by the way.
When new people enter our lives, they will bring some new influences over what we are accustomed to. That means change. They will have to adapt to what your lifestyle presents as well. It's give and take. Your dad is pushing some of his life "down her throat;" if you want to put it that way. That includes a resistant; and somewhat immature daughter.
He found something in her that he was willing to compromise and make some changes for. I would think, he would put you first; but he also has to find his own happiness.
It seems he waited until you were at least 18 before he decided to do this. So without knowing how long your mother has been out of the picture; I'd say you never approved of a divorce. If she passed on, you would probably feel he is somehow trying to replace her. He could never do that, no matter how hard he tried. He didn't have to find someone you'd fall in-love with. He had to do that for himself.
Lets put it this way. He is an adult and he doesn't need your permission to marry; or to choose his girlfriend. All he can hope and pray for, is that you are happy for him; and you will do all you can to get along. He can't make you, but he can make a reasonable effort to encourage his new bride and daughter to get along. I see that you intend to make trouble. That may backfire on you.
Do the best you can. Being mean and resentful is going to be hard on your father, and even harder on yourself. You don't get to decide who is right for him.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 For whatever was lacking in the marriage between your Dad and Mom, he has basically found someone he can perhaps be himself with. Her influence may well be what your Dad needs or needed to come alive. (Hopefully they’re both level headed about getting married?)
Naturally you see him changing from how he used to perform as your Dad and Husband to your Mom. The old ways; the things he once held dear are what you see as being threatened of slipping away, although these are things that you see as important to you!?
However one of the most important things to him is YOU, and he’s not letting you slip away (or is he)!? He wants you to know, accept and respect his Fiancé as part of him. You may see it as pushing her down your throat. Yet you resist and struggle to accept the fact (as a young Adult yourself) that Dad has and is moving on...
It’s one part of growing up to accept the things we cannot change, but you certainly can be part of keeping hold of what is dear to him.
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (2 July 2014):
 Your Dad is clearly serious about his girlfriend and wants to make her apart of his life and family. Which is why he is "pushing her down your throat". Just because your Dad takes her seriously doesn't mean you have to feel the same way. However it does require a certain amount of respect. You don't have to like her but you should act civil towards her. Especially where you don't know her and one day you might actually like her. I would definitely go to their wedding. By not going you would be causing unnecessary drama and acting childish.It could be worst...at least you are an adult and don't have to live under the same roof as her. If you miss your Father why not go on an outing with him where you specifically state you want it to be just the two of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2014): It's up to you whether you want to or not. However, I don't see why you would attend a ceremony you aren't thrilled about or pretend to show support for a union you clearly don't support. Attending a wedding costs time and money so...ultimately it is your choice although your father might not agree with your choice.
Just be civil.
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