A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months now and things are going really really well. I didn't have any trust issues with her. But, I have been out of the state for a week and will be for a whole week more. She just asked me if one of her college friends could sleep in her bed with her, as the couches were taken up by other friends that passed out at her house. I respect the fact that she asked me but at the same time it bothers me that she would even think about it. I would never let another girl sleep in my bed with me, even if absolutely nothing would be happening. She said it's okay when I told her I am uncomfortable with it. But it still made me worry. As it is just not something I would even think about doing. Is this wrong of me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2013): I wouldn't let it bother you too much, it's very normal for that generation of students. I only left college as a mature student a couple of years back and this is just what they do.
You should focus more on the politeness of her asking if that was acceptable or not, most just do it anyway because they think it's polite and harmless. She double checked, if anything OP that should be more reason to trust her. That means she's not the type of girl who will assume something is okay to do and then go do it. It means she's the type that if she doesn't know she will ask.
OP you wouldn't think of doing because you know it's not acceptable, did you always know it wasn't? No, you were young once too and didn't know everything, and I suspect that's all this was. I have a feeling OP now she knows where you stand on that issue it will not come up again because she'll know not to do it.
Seriously, most would have just assumed you'd be okay with it, done it, then wonder why you were pissed off because "nothing happened", not understand why you think it;s wrong, "why don't you trust me" etc.
This all worked out perfectly OP. Just make it clear that not only does it make you uncomfortable it's kind of unacceptable. You've surely slept on the floor plenty of times rather than demand you be let sleep in the bed of another man's woman. We really don't mind sleeping on the floor in those circumstances.
I mean what guy is okay with his girlfriend drunkenly sleeping in the same bed with another drunken guy, most of the time that guy will make a move. You and I both know that, as we've been that guy, although with me it was never with a girl who had a boyfriend, but a single girl lets me sleep in her bed then I'm going to try and get at least a cuddle.
A
female
reader, jdxx  +, writes (3 February 2013):
 as others have said if its a male id be very wary, like you i would not even contemplate having the opposit sex in my bed and im sure if this male is aware she has a boyfriend wouldnt contemplate it either without some sort of intention... That said though if its a female friend i see no problems with that, still very odd to ask though.. Maybe just my suspicious scorpion mind going here but i too would be alarmed and uncomfortable with it so your not alone.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (3 February 2013):
 Wow, that's one ballsy girl, but you know what? She's gonna have this friend over at night whether or not you approve.
She just happens to be letting you know to alleviate any guilty feelings that may crop up, and also as a pre-emptive measure incase somebody happens to share info with you about what might have gone on (I assume the friend is a dude, right?).
Well, as others here have mentioned, why does he have to spend at her place and not at a fellow guys place??
I smell something fishy, so tread carefully!! Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (3 February 2013):
 She shouldn't have even had to ask. Even if nothing would of happened her letting another guy into her bed is totally sending out the wrong messages. How would she feel If it was the other way round? I'd have a serious word with her if I were you, the fact that she even asked shows she has a very different view of what's acceptable in your relationship
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (3 February 2013):
 I have a bit of a different perspective on this one in that I have shared a bed with a female friend without anything happening. Having said that, I fully understand where you are coming from and id feel the same BUT she did ask you which to me should be worth some trust. People assume just because two people, usually of the opposite sex, share the same bed they must automatically have sex and that is obviously not the case, it makes you question why the same assumption is not made for same-sex bed sharers given the evens chance that somebody could be bi or gay.
So, yes I understand why this feels odd but id judge the case on its merits because I think the 'there's no smoke without fire' social conditioning is at play. Look at this rationally, if she wanted to have sex with the guy (or girl) without you knowing then asking you if they could share the bed beforehand is a bit of a silly way to go about things. The fact that she asked should be worth something in my book, it shows she respects your feelings and you should reward her by showing some trust in return in my honest opinion.
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