A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently reconnected with my high school sweetheart after not tlkn or seeing each other for 9 years. We live on opposite sides of the country. We have talked about getting back together. I found out he has a fiance. He didn't tell me about her this whole time we've been talking again. I found out through a facebook post. I stopped talking to him for about a week and he still hasn't mentioned anything to me. I finally messaged him and let him know that i know and he could've told me. i also told him that i am still gonna be his friend and that we are not going to lose contact this time. i let him know that i am not going to ruin his life or relationship. I don't know if she knows we are talking again. after all that his only response was "i told you i would leave everything behind right now if the opportunity was there and I'm not losing you this time i will do whatever it takes." So now I'm more confused and i want us to talk about everything on the phone but I'm to afraid to call him because i don't want to ruin his relationship. any suggestions?
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female
reader, cscrcsm +, writes (2 June 2013):
Being engaged isn't being married (you don't have the legal issues), but it's a big commitment. This man pledged himself to someone else. A man who could treat his fiancee in this manner is not a person you want in your life. Be thankful that he's not. If I were you, I'd cut off all contact. You are much better without this jerk in your life. I feel sorry for his poor fiancee.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (1 June 2013):
 Well if he couldn’t tell you about his fiancé, she certainly it’s going to be aware of him talking to you. Both of you girls are kept in the dark about each other for a reason or motive!?
I believe there’s a bit of information missing in your post to fully comment; as why would you still want to be his friend (9 years later); when communicating now would or could potentially ruin his present relationship/situation with his fiancé? You know that by reconnecting this would only add confusion and or perhaps infidelity into the equation!?
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (31 May 2013):
 Hi, i believe that its best these kind of feeling are resolved befor marriage and not just do what is right. What may seem risgh now might create more heartache especially if the person compromised and married the person because they were engaged.
If he can honestly take a stand and make a decision what he wants in the long run its best for all parties. Also these kind of compromise could result in infidelity becasue the person will always long for what they cant have (that is human nautre).
I recommend that you give him an ulimatitime and that should be the final decision and no going back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): The two of you are hanging onto a childhood relationship. There is nothing wrong with reconnecting and having those memories, but your lives are different now, and he's engaged to be married. And what you really need to realize since you not seeing it, even though it's hitting you in the face is...This man is engaged, and he connecting and going in a direction that is crossing some serious boundaries with his soon to be wife. You so far are doing the right thing, but he is not. Do you *really* want a man in your life that could potentially do this to you? He has pledged his love to a women, proprosed marriage and just like that he says he would throw it all away? So, down the road the two of you have a disagreement and he will run on that computer and start an emotional affair or cheat on you? Things you really need to consider here. If this was me, I would keep things as they are. Reconnected friends with small talk and a computer screen apart.If the two of you were planning on getting together, what he should be doing is making plans together so you can meet the supposed love of his life and talk about old times. He "should" have nothing to hide or leave out with this women....eh...enough...this situation has bad news and bad choices written all over it.You keep your face clean on this one, and walk away completely if he continues to dishonor his fiance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): I have been in this situation, and it's a horrible place to be. In my situation, I sent him back to his fiance because I did not want to be the woman who would ruin someone's relationship. They got married after she made him have the talk with me. It's a horrible place to be in, if he really wants to be with you he has to decide for himself that he doesn't want to marry her and call off the engagement with her, without your feelings being a factor. It's not a position he should put you in, how can you know that it is not just cold feet on his part. With my sweetheart, he ended up marrying her, and it was me who was left hurting. Only you know what is right to do. I did the right thing, and sent him back to his fiance, but I also still regret not doing what was right for me.
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