A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Basically I have suspected that my brother has been gay for years but he never answers questions on his personal life and showed many signs which suggested he was gay. I finally asked him yesterday and he confirmed this and said he had been in a relationship with another man for 3 years. He has made me promise not to tell my parents but I am very close to both of them and I can not risk the close relationship I have with them. I'm unsure what to do?? Help?? Confused sis Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Amy2007x +, writes (1 January 2008):
 Okay, but you cannot tell your parents, if your brother hasnt told them yet and you has only told you recently then he cannot be comfortable with people knowing and it may take time for him to feel like he will be accepted and plus if you tell your parents then he may lose his trust in you, its not your secret to tell its his life, when he is ready hell tell ppl, but for now be there for him and talk to him about tellin your parents if he doesnt wnt to then forget it.
If i had a brother told me he was gay and made me promise to not tell my parents i wouldnt tell them, as i have a sister and we have a pretty strong bond and i would fell like i betrayed her or sumthin if i jsut went and told my parents, it jsut wouldnt be nice to do that.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): the coming out process isn't just about telling other people, it's about the individual being comfortable and confident in themselves. Telling you was a huge step for your brother, and must have been very difficult, however, he has shared something about himself with you, and you have to honour his request that you don't tell your parents.
You knowing does not change anything about the relationship you have with your parents, and if anything, as you're probably the only family member who knows about your brother, you should do everything you can to support him
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A
female
reader, kargrav6  +, writes (31 December 2007):
I’ll give it to you raw. Nobody likes a snitch, now your brother confided in you the best way of supporting him is to keep your mouth shut. Trust me if you tell he will never tell you anything and I mean anything again. It is very important that you offer your support in his time of need and follow his wishes or it will be difficult for him to trust you in the future. He trusted you enough to tell you he is gay you should respect his wishes. Being gay is hard enough however opening up and telling others that you’re gay. The closet is very cold he’ll tell them when he’s ready even if it’s another 3 years. Let him be the one to tell his personal business you don’t want to make this any harder on your brother one day there will be a time when you need to confide in him; be a sister. Just let your brother know when he decides to tell your parents make sure your around so you can act just as surprised as they are that way you don’t lose love on either end.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): don't tell them simple as that. He told you some thing very very personal, And thats that. What about the relationship between your brother and you? That will be screwed if you tell. You have to respect him and his decisons. He trusts you enough to tell you soemthing like that well the trust will be gone if you tell.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (28 December 2007):
 dont say anything to your parents it's up to you brother to tell them not you and he will when hes ready. if you do you brother will fall out with you and is it worth falling out with him over.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (23 December 2007):
As close as you may be with your parents it is simply not your job to tell them - unless your brother wants you to do the job for him. He has already told you that he doesn't want you to do this so DON'T - It is simply not your job to do this.
It may be worth telling him that the more people that know about his sexuality the more chance there is that someone will tell your parents and it really wouldn't be good if a complete stranger to your parents or one of their friends told them first. I can understand the dilemma that your parents may not be happy with you if when they do find out, that they find out that you already know and have chosen not to tell them. It may be worth telling your brother that this kind of thing concerns you greatly so what should you do? - The best way here would be if your brother chooses to come out to your parents but in the meantime I would definately NOT say a word to your parents as things stand at the moment.
I hope this has helped a little.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (22 December 2007):
 Being gay isnt a choice your born gay and its a hard thing to deal with (my brother was outed to me by his friends on his 18th birthday) he just has to do it in his own time he will come out to your parents when he feels its the right time and he is 100% sure that they will be ok with it, just give him time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): The fact that he is gay makes no difference to me I still love him to death!!!! I also do not plan on telling my parents, however, if they ask about his love life I feel I should tell them to ask him about it. One of my cousins came out a few weeks ago and my parents are okay. I'm worried about how my brother sees himself as he appologised profusely for being gay and said he did not want to bring embarassment to the family. I tried to reassure him but I also feel sorry for his bf who has come out and despite being in a 3 year relationship with him has met no family members.Confused sis.
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A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (22 December 2007):
You got wonderful advice from lilacutie.So please go with it,as it is right on in my books. Do keep in mind that love really knows no sexual boundaries.
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