A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. My problem is his low class friends. I am from a good family and so is he but his best friends are all the guys almost 30 years old with no life and no class and of course they are dating the girls from their own class. They do drugs and smoke and get drunk then call in sick for work when my boyfriend and I are so responsible and never do drugs and we do not smoke.I love my boyfriend and we do not haeve any problems but he is so sensetive about these low class friends and he wants to hang out with them all the time and he wants to take them every where with him. Even if we plan to go on a vacation he wants to make sure that we go somewhere cheap so his low class loser friends can go as well!! they have canceled on us once when we planned a trip and asked them to go as well!!!we both are educated, make good money and have our life together. at the beginig I thought I can deal with hanging out with these kind of friends sometimes but now after a year I just can not stand it any more. He loves them and if I say anything even the simple little thing about them he gets so mad and he fights with me!! We have never fought about anything past year but his friends!!He says that he is happy when he is around them!! They also take advantage of him by using him to pay for everything when they go out and all.I am not sure what to do. I know they do not feel comfortable around me either because they know that I am smart and I know how they are taking advantage of him and they know that he has toned down the amount of money he used to spend on them before he met me so they try different things so we fight and break up like taking him out with their low class girlfriends and their girlfriends without inviting me ( we live together and this is so insulting)or telling my boyfreind that the reason that they do not come over everyday is because they can feel that I do not like their girlfriends and he should think about this. we are both 30 so I am not sure if there is anything I can do about getting rid of these people who are not at our level and are destroying our perfect relationship!!! I just can not believe that my boyfriend does not see what kind of people his frineds are!!! Somebody told me that he might be 30 but maybe he is still imature and he needs to grow up!!Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): When you choose to have a relationship with someone, you also choose to accept certain things about them such as their likes and dislikes, their family and their friends.
I don't see a future for the two of you at all if you can't respect and accept this and vice versa.
You can be happy together even if you don't like his friends, you can see your own friends and your boyfriend can see his friends and gradually you will make new friends together as a couple.
I appreciate that you may not agree with the behaviour of these particular friends of his you describe in your question, but I would refrain from using the term 'low class' when talking about them, or anybody for that matter, as it is disespectful, insulting and unecessary and won't garner you very much sympathy! We are no longer living in the olden days reagarding class, thank goodness, if you find fault with their behaviour and attitude that is one thing, but where a person comes from and their social standing is irrelevant and detracts form the real issues.
It seems to me that you and they don't get along, and it may be as simple as they view you as a snob in th esame way you seem to look down on them.
This could be a real block in attempting to get to know them, they must have some good qualities as they are your boyfriend's friends and you love your boyfriend.
Im not suggesting being all buddy-buddy all of a sudden but you could certainly try and get to know them a little bit, arrange to hang out with them occasionally with your boyfriend. It may not work out but at least you wil have made the effort and Im sure it would please your boyfriend.
If it's such a big deal and you cna't work it out then perhaps you and your boyfriends should break up as it's going to be no fun for either of you in the long run to be forever falling out over it.
Good luck and hope that helps a bit! xx
A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (22 December 2007):
As I see it you can tell your B/F to get rid of his low-life friends or you better move on with your life without him. Why not see what kind of a B/F you really have,when the rubber hits the road, and he has to choose between them or you.
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A
female
reader, muffy  +, writes (22 December 2007):
 ok,how bout you talk to his friends by yourself when your boyfriends not around.tell them how you feel but be nice.give them advice like, tell them to get a job,stop smoking so much,and get an education!tell your boyfriend how you feel but be nice and blunt about it and dont wine or complain.
hope i helped
love and kisses
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