A
female
age
30-35,
*istressNataliee
writes:I need help you guys, im 17 years old and my boyf is 21. He lives at home with his widowed mum due to money issues (ie. she has none because she retired very early and now needs his). Over xmas he came to us on boxing day while she went to a mates and then told him to back for 9. i was livid, he has his own car so why cant he go back anytime within reason?And today, my nan does a big spread for dinner and she invited him, he sent a text telling his mum she was going, she came back from supermarket with loads of food, claimed she never got his text, bellyached at him and yelled at him to be back for 6, i heard all this over skype. Hes always sticking up for her, shes always making him feel bad, we never have privacy, for the last God knows how many weeks we spent our Saturday nights watching strictly come dancing and im not one to begrudge a few hours but it was nearly 3 hours on a SATURDAY night, the only proper night we get. And the other night we wanted to take a bath together and she insisted we played monopoly. Im so sick of this, i need to let it out, its like she uses him for his money and is extremely jealous of us spending time together. If i say anything to my boyfriend i just get crapped on.
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female
reader, tempest  +, writes (14 May 2012):
Good grief I identify with you. My bf's mum is the most exasperating person I have ever come across. I'm dating him for about one a half years now and at first she and I got along so well together until she started seeing that her son absolutely adores me. She is so jealous of that relationship that she says bad things behind my back. I've been really good to her and if the maid we share didn't give me the heads up I would have still been a fool to her fakeness. Her son is 25 and he supports her which is ok cos he grew up without a dad but really this woman cannot make her son take his dads place. She told the maid that my bf must not get married because his wife would then take control of his money. I rent a house for myself, I have my own car and I have a very well paying, stable job. I do not need his money. All I want is for her to cut us some slack. He gets the silent treatment if he takes me out somewhere or she pulls her face if he buys me something. Its just crazy. We sleep up at his house most of the time and then we go down to my place for some real privacy. She gets absolutely annoyed, and my house is 30 seconds away! We live in the same complex. She has to get a kiss before he leaves, goodness he is 25. He has to put her first before anyone else. His 40 year old brother came to live at their because his wife doesn't approve of addiction to gambling. His other 45 year old brother is divorced due to his problem with alcohol. His 39 year old brother has divorced his wife and has shacked up with another woman. So u can see there is obviously a very serious problem here. They were brought up terribly and my bf is no exception. After falling in love with him I've realised he has very soggy morals all obviously instilled in him by his atrocious mom. I'm really frustrated and hurt and angry. I love my boyfriend but I have to leave him cos he won't set boundaries with his mother. Because she apparently threatens to leave the house and then says she will die because of him. I realy don't know what to do anymore. I just want to run faraway.
A
female
reader, MistressNataliee +, writes (31 December 2009):
MistressNataliee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno-one else in the world? ha! her best friend died in october
and shes dating her husband but too ashamed to come out yet
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 December 2009):
It comes down to one thing. She has no one else in the world so is relying on him. She's probably terrified she will lose him, so controls him so her won't go. She will always be a part of his life, and until he is able to talk to her about it himself, he won't do anything. So you need to consider this relationship carefully.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): Honey, get used to this- she's NOT going away... he's 21 and doesn't appear to have the ability to earn enough to get a place of his own, may be the 2 of you can get a place together, but dear old Mum is too poor to live on her own (early retirement??? WTF, one retires when they have ENOUGH money to do so, she needs to get back to work- a pale and a mop... cleaning floors or something...
He's going to have to man up and figure his life out, but if you stick with him dear old Mum is going to be RIGHT THERE... for decades.
And if you haven't figured out her passive aggressive strategy it's to wear you (the current threat to her well being) out to the point where you'll bolt, and she'll have you (weak) BF all to herself for a few months...
Personally, I'd cut your losses and find someone who's Mum you adore and isn't going to be moving in with you a month after you and he get your own place.
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