A
female
age
26-29,
*-rated
writes:I just wanted some advice on my current situation. I have a boyfriend we've been together for about 8 and a half mouths. He's amazing. In my eyes he's the definition of what every guy should be and if he had been anything less I wouldn't have gotten into the relationship. He's helped me so much and always been there when I need him. Recently though, I've been thinking about my ex boyfriend a lot and it bothers me. We where together for three years. The first year he had another girlfriend, second year we where in an actual relationship and the third year he moved into my mums house due to family issues so we had a friends with benefits situation. I've been stalking him and his new girlfriend recently and it bothers me. He never used to show me off the way he does to her. I was supposed to be the love of his life. When we were together I would have done anything for him. He treated me so bad which is why I feel guilty now because I have an amazing boyfriend. The last few months I've even thought about sleeping with him and class him as the best lover I've ever had. My boyfriend knows all of this and I feeI terrible because if it was the other way around I don't know how I'd take it. I just want to erase him from my life because it's not like I even want to think about him. I just do and it bothers me so much. I was even planning on accidentally bumping into him when I'm with my bf. Please help
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friend with benefits, moved in, my ex, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Oh dear your poor boyfriend, he must feel like second best, which is never good in a relationship, your boyfriend sounds like a good guy and he deserves nothing but happiness, something am afraid you are unable to give him, the kindest thing you can do is let your boyfriend go so that he can find someone who loves only him and gives him their full attention. To be honest at the moment I think you need to be single to sort out whats going on in your head.
You are thinking about your ex and it is bothering you, but are you trying to do anything about it? You say you are stalking him and his partner, how? Is it through social media? If so then block them both so you cannot see anything about them, that is the first step to help you move on, then distract yourself so that you are not tempted to look in to their lives any more.
You say the first year you where together he had a girlfriend, therefore you where the other girl, I am surprised you where able to trust him after knowing that he was capable of lying and cheating, the second year you where in a relationship but then the third it was all about the sex with no commitment, sorry sweetie but he did not view you as the love off his life, he viewed you as someone he could have sex with and hang out with until someone else came along. He didn't want a long term future with you, that's easy to see. He is showing off his new girlfriend because as sorry as I am he probably loves her and he has found someone who he wants to be with and who he is serious about. I know this is probably a hard thing for you to accept but you need to see that he did not love you, nor did he see you as a long term partner. Yes that is harsh but you need to learn that even if you did set it up so you and your boyfriend bumped in to him, he probably wouldn't care as he is in a happy relationship.
You need to give yourself time to get over your past, you need to accept that you and him where never going to be together forever, you where not the love of his life and he is now with someone who he wants to be with, if you carry on lusting after him, you will ruin your own life nobody elses. Time to block all phone numbers, social media, emails and have no means off looking him up, time to move on with your own life.
A
male
reader, Sam Wilson  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 I totally understand your situation and since your boyfriend already knows about your situation its a sign that you love your bf enough to trust him with your problem.Yes you may think you have feelings for your ex but he's not the one you love.Every relationship is a story and some stories end and you have to accept it...close the book.You dont stress about what happens with the characters after the final page, quit stalking. You accept it and move on. Read another one after reflecting on the one that just finished. You are already dating another guy...and personally I think he deserves your attention than some guy in the past."I was supposed to be the love of his life" , Well if I was your BF and I heared you say those words I'll be hurt. You dont dwell on the "suppose" when it comes to love when you already have an "is"... Your bf needs to be the " He is the love of your life". For me if you cant shift you affection to your current BF...its time for you to be single for a while and reflect on who or what you really want.Im sorry but you arent 100% commited to him and he at least deserves to know that , and I really hope you accept that you and your ex are over.
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A
female
reader, allthatjazz +, writes (12 April 2016):
 It's a destructive path and I hope you get to see the pattern in the series of unhealthy relationships. In the first one, you were the willing victim. In the second, it's your current beau. You are the central figure and you are the one in control. Only you have the power to end the cycle. You cannot change the past, but you are given the gift of the future. Don't throw it away.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (12 April 2016):
 I really feel sorry for you current boyfriend. I wish I could tell him to leave you until you have sorted yourself out. I also feel for your previous boyfriend.
Did you say you were stalking him and his current partner?
Whoa lady! Get a grip. What's over is over.
Think of it like this. If you were a recovering addict what advice would you give yourself? I think you should step away from the dating scene for 18 months until you have got your head right.
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