A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, sorry if this is a bit long. I am 21 year old gay man. Last year I dated this guy, and even tough we never made our relationship "official", I was very happy during the months we were together, I really tried my best to make it work, he really is everything I look for in a partner, and I quickly fell in love with him. Suddenly, just when I thought we were about to become boyfriends, he "broke up" with me, without even telling me why. In my eyes, we were fine, and I really was getting very excited. Needless to say, I was heartbroken, multiples times I tried to reach out to him, but he always refused to see me or came up with an excuse when we were going to meet and talk. It was really hard, but eventually I forced myself to forget him and move on, months passed without me hearing from him at all, although I never stopped wondering what had happened. (He only gave me the, is not you, it's me kind of bullshit) Less that two months ago, when I was 90% over him, he suddenly appeared again, and said that he wanted to see me. Knowing it was probably a bad idea, I still agreed to meet him. To make the story short, we are now talking again, but that's about it! Of course seeing him again made me realise that I'm not over him, and that I still want to be in a relationship with him. But this whole situation is really confusing, I feel that he has now send me to the dreaded friendzone, he talks to me when he's bored, and has said that he enjoys my company, but at the same time, he's constantly ignoring my texts and he rejects every sort of flirtatious advance I try to make on him. He really is sending me very mixed signals and I can't quite figure out what the hell he wants. For instance, last week he invited me to his house, he was going to be home alone and he sort of implied we were going to have a "Netflix and Chill" kind of evening, naturally I thought we were going to have some sort of intimate moment, and at least cuddle, but no, I basically went there to watch him iron and fold his clothes. We have talked a bit about what happened with us last year lately,I now know that he has only had one bf before and he ended up getting really hurt and thus is afraid of commitment. I also know that while he is technically 'Single" he is currently an active user of tinder, and is sort of seeing this one guy, who he knows is bad for him, but yet he's attracted to him anyway.My friends tell me I deserve better than him, that with him I give too much and receive too little. that I should be with someone who is more coherent with their actions. Still, I want no one else. But this whole situation is very exhausting, if he wants nothing with me, then why did he contact me again? , why does he let me get my hopes up again, yet shows no apparent interest in wanting to become something else?.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Your gut was telling you it was a bad idea, and now you know your gut was right.
He’s not sending mixed signals. You are interpreting his stabs at friendship as something more. You want something to happen so badly that you are overlooking all the evidence.
Your words:
-he always refused to see me or came up with an excuse when we were going to meet and talk [about the out-of-the-blue unexplained breakup]
-we are now talking again, but that’s about it!
-he talks to me when he’s bored,
And this is the clincher:
-he’s constantly ignoring my texts and he rejects every sort of flirtatious advance I try to make on him
He rejects every advance you make on him.
He’s not into you as a boyfriend.
He might be keeping you around as an ego-soother, ego-booster, little puppy friend.
I think continuing to hang around with him will only defer the inevitable moment when he finds someone new and drops you again.
You’ll go through all the same sorrow and mourning period that you did the first time he dropped you without explanation.
He sounds emotionally stunted and very selfish. Do yourself a huge favor and end it and don’t pursue the friendship as you so clearly want more. You are ignoring your gut and your friends and for what? A guy who isn’t into you. He’s not into you. Take that on-board, harsh though it may feel and let him go...
Good luck with finding your own personal courage.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Okay so he has been hurt before in the past, but that does not give him the right to mess with your head and hurt you. Have you actually told him though how you feel? He might see you as a friend now and nothing more, have you spoke about it? The thing is you both sound like you are on different pages, it sounds like he wants a friendship and you want a relationship. Now it is time for you to be honest with him, tell him what you want and tell him friendship is not enough for you. It is only going to keep you from meeting someone else, and you will eventually just end up getting hurt more and more. Time to be honest see if he is interested in all or nothing. You need to stand up for yourself, no point waiting around for something to happen you need to confront him and tell him how you feel.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 He wants a little bit more than nothing from you, and that's all he can handle. He needs you to be there to support him, to pick up pieces when he gets hurt or ignored by guys who are no good for him.
Talking to you and enjoying your company isn't really sending any signals. He wants to feel less alone when his other guys can't be available to him.
I think you should cut him loose because one day your energy would be so drained that you would end up just like him, fearing of commitment.
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