A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I loved two different guys once upon a time...The first guy was into me, we had alot in common. We went on a couple dates and we discussed sex, marriage etc. When he found out I was a virgin tho , he said he couldnt be with me anymore..The second guy, We shared a deeper connection. He said he was looking for a serious relationship but mostly talked about how lonely he was ....Alot. We have been chatting for a 3 months and he's been beggong for us to meet up and a date. I have studies so I am not looking for it until exams are finished.However, we discussed my experiences and since I dont lie, I told him I am a virgin and he said that he doesnt want to have sex with me but blow jobs are fine.I dont know what I am doing wrong , I thought they liked me and really wanted to have a serious relationship.Guy #2 said texted me this morning "Fatal Attraction" . Dont know what he meant but I dont think I want to have anything to do with him again. What should I do?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 PS. trust me, if you are a virgin or not has nothing to do with them being idiots. It's not like they were ever serious, and it's not like they would have ever wanted a proper relationship even if you were not a virgin. A genuine man who cares about YOU, to him it doesn't matter if you are a virgin or not, because he wants to be with YOU, not your vagina. These other two idiots here just wanted your vagina, and nothing else.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (12 April 2016):
This is what all women face, not just you. It takes time to wed out the idiots before you get to a genuine guy. These two men were obviously only after sex. #2 is a real treat, how gracious of him to permit you to give him a blow job, as if you are sexually desperate and he's some prize.
Not talking to him again sounds just fine.
But do talk to other men instead, and just continue to weed out the idiots.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 You're just going for the wrong men OP. A decent guy would never be turned off by a virgin...heck that's what they want! Don't you see so many posts here from people who say they cant deal with their partner's past, even if they've been with one person prior to them?
You're doing the right thing because by telling them that you're a virgin, you're actually weeding out the bad ones. Don't be disheartened but also, try to restrain yourself from falling in "love" so easily. If you feel that you love someone after just a couple of dates then that's not very right or wise. You don't even know him well, how can you be in love with him? Maybe you're rushing into this thing and in the process, ending up with the wrong guys.
Take your time. There's no hurry, really. The right guy will come along who will cherish you for who you are. By the way, why are you still a virgin? By choice? Religious reasons? Have you had any serious, long-ter, relationships before? Perhaps if you tell us we can get a better insight
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2016): Some men realize what emotions you will probably attach to the act of sex; and may not want to be the one responsible for taking your virginity. Apart from the nasty male-types who find it a fun sport to steal the innocence of young women. It gives them bragging rights and narcissistic supply. Derived from the pleasure of knowing they've taken something they didn't deserve, or could attack your self-esteem.
Some think you should find someone you could love; rather than some random guy who may simply be looking for something a bit less that a long-term commitment; or don't want to deal with the remorse and drama that comes with young women who have lost their virginity to someone who cannot offer them a love-relationship in return.
In many cultures, preservation of a females virginity is quite a big deal. You never know how fathers and families may react. You eventually have to meet the parents and family.
The problem with many young female virgins is that they don't have a clue, and throw it away only to regret it afterward. There's a lot of bitterness and scorn that can come of it. Once it is determined he just took it and made no big deal of it.
Then there's her religious and cultural background that give reason not to cross certain lines. There are nasty fathers, vicious brothers, toxic uncles, and other over-protective male family members who will hold them to the responsibility of being the one who took your innocence.
They may not hold you responsible, but will feel other men may not consider you as pure as you should be. Many, even in this century; will cast shame and condemnation on a female for not waiting. So yes, some will avoid you. They think of their own little sisters or daughters; and how they'd feel about it.
Stop letting your virginity be so much of a focal-point about who you are. Sometimes guys just get a little uncomfortable knowing many virgins have romanticized notions about how their innocence should be lost; and then can get pretty messed up emotionally, when it doesn't happen as they've dreamed it would for years.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Hi,
you have done nothing wrong at all.
You have simply connected with two men, who you were not completely compatible with.
We learn our lessons in life and with these two experiences, you've learnt something valuable from that.
Both men were looking for something different to what you were looking for and it's better to have found that out sooner, rather than later.
When somebody is looking for a casual hook up and you want something more meaningful, more serious, then you finish with that person and you move on. You don't waste your precious time.
In relation to meeting men online, i personally think it's ok, provided you are looking on the more "decent" and "reputable" sites.
This way, you'll be finding more "quality" men, men who have good jobs, men who are seeking love and potentially marriage, men who are tolerant, patient and kind.
Men who love animals, children, their planet.
Men who have true respect for women and yes, many men do write about their love and respect for humanity/women within their profiles.
When you both start conversing online, you'll be able to establish fairly quickly, as to what type of guy you're talking to.
If he is talking sleazy to you, don't waste your time.
If he is talking about wanting to get to know you much better online, before meeting you, this could well be a good sign, bec it shows he's interested in getting to you know on a deeper level, prior to potentially meeting you in person.
A man who takes a bit of time and care, could be a great catch, bec he's checking you out too, to see if you'd make a great long term partner.
Online dating, is one of the most popular ways globally thesedays, to meet people.
People are busy, so it makes sense to seek out a long term partner with the convenience of online dating and from the comfort and privacy of your own home.
Many people say, it's dangerous and bad to meet a man online and to get to know him.
I disagree. So long as you don't place yourself in a dangerous situation, nothing can happen.
In fact, when you meet somebody online, unlike meeting somebody in person, you can quickly "filter out" anything that you don't like about that person, hence being able to make a very quick decision and block that person.
In real life, you cannot do that, so if you don't like the other person after you meet, for whatever reason, you have to find a way to tell them, without offending them directly.
These things "above", were just a few things that you should be looking out for, if you do meet men online.
Don't waste too much time talking to a man online though, just incase he isn't fully what he professes to be.
At some point, you'd be very wise to organise a date in a PUBLIC place/setting and meet the man face to face.
I would have quite a number of dates in PUBLIC, prior to spending more personal time together, even if you think things are going really well.
Meeting face to face, will allow you to get to know this person much better, check them out fully, so to speak and you can get to see what they really look and present like.
I wish you all the best!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Hi OP, I don’t think it’s the virginity thing in this case.
You start off by saying that you loved two guys once upon a time, which for most of us would suggest that you had been in a real life passionate relationship.
Now as I go on to read your question, you say that you had a couple of dates with the first guy. This guy was into you and you discussed sex and marriage and etc (what is etc in this context? where you will live together? how your families will like each other? which side of the bed do you prefer? finances?)
A couple of dates is still in the category of getting to know someone. A couple of dates isn’t enough to know if this person is your life partner.
Yet you say you loved him?
That’s too much too soon. Did you tell him that you loved him?
I think your premature intense attachment to him was most likely the reason he decided not to continue the courtship; he’d learned enough to know that you two weren’t a match and he moved on.
The second guy, you never met in person. You were too busy with studies for your exams to actually take the time to meet the guy you were discussing his loneliness and serious relationships.
As for his response, that he’s okay with blow jobs, well, you said you were a virgin, perhaps he got the idea that you didn’t want intercourse but were okay with oral sex?
Oral sex is sex, anal sex is sex, penis in vagina intercourse is sex.
But you say you loved this man too.
I think your relationship goals, while they might be clear to you, aren’t clear to the men you are talking to online.
It’s not the fact that you are a virgin that is putting them off, it’s that you are attaching to them romantically too soon too fast, and that is unsettling and disturbing to them.
What you should do is to finish your exams. Don’t indulge in online sex chat with strangers.
Go out on proper dates with men, get to know them before you ‘fall in love.’ Explain that you aren’t sexually experienced.
Are you a virgin by choice or circumstance? Are you a virgin because you are waiting to be married before you have any type of sexual contact? Is there a religious component to this?
Do you talk about these guys with your friends and family? If not, why not? If you do, what advice have you been given by the people who know and care about you?
If you find yourself falling in love with a guy you’ve never actually met up with or with a guy you’ve only been on a few dates with, then I would advise you to put the brakes on, pull it back and reflect on why it is you are falling so fast so soon.
So no, it’s not your virginity. It’s your rush to attachment that is scaring these guys off.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2016):
 It is not you and you have done nothing wrong, it just seems that the guys you have picked don't want anything serious. That's the danger with talking online to men, they can tell you a load of lies just so that they can get in to your pants, however when you tell them you are a virgin they realize that you want commitment and that is scaring them away. Thankfully they have the sense to say no to you, however the second guy and his blow job comments show just what he wants from you, so yes my advice is delete and move on. I think the best way to get to know someone is to meet them face to face and take it slowly from their as online usually there are a lot of men just looking for hook ups.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (11 April 2016):
 They were after sex, so when you broke the news that you were virgin it lit up in their heads: no sex unless I commit to this girl. Since they were not looking for a committed relationship, they blew you off because, to them, no sex means you are a waste of time. Hence "fatal attraction" remark: the attraction he had for you is fatal for his sex.
So it isn't you. It's the men.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 April 2016):
 I don't think it's the "virginity thing" - I think it's a matter of you picking guys who may not be a great fit for you.
I think you presumed "wrong" with both men, I think they were hoping for something a LOT less serious then they told you. Not that I blame you, or saying it's YOUR fault. but you can't always go by what a guy SAYS. YOU have to ensure that his words match his actions.
I think guy #1 realized that he wouldn't get in your pants any time soon and while he may have been on the same page with marriage, he might have felt that it was "too serious" too soon. And I think he felt to "chivalrous" to "pump & dump" a virgin. I think talking marriage after a couple of dates... is... way too soon. Because you don't REALLY know the guy, he doesn't know you.
#2 told he was lonely "a LOT" - which I will interpret as... HORNY a lot, desperate for a GF. And while HE might have thought it was VERY "gallant" of him to not want sex from you... just blow jobs - I have to question why you bothered with him after that. I mean really? He'd "settle" for blow-jobs.. how magnanimous of him!!
I would suggest you don't spend LONG time chatting online and texting BEFORE meeting up. And I DO think that it's OK that you want a serious relationship and that you CONVEY that, I think talking marriage etc... can wait till you are SURE you want to date him LONG TERM.
As for the fatal attraction comment? Who know and honestly... who cares what he meant. BLOCK and DELETE the ape.
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A
female
reader, bettybuttercup +, writes (11 April 2016):
[Mod note: this is a 14 year old poster with a question awaiting followup information. Her question states she dating a guy for 44 days, claims he’s using drugs and is being “garried,” whatever that is. Until she’s responded to the request for follow up information on her question, I’d prefer to keep her answers off the site.]Well, maybe they think you are inexperienced with having sex so it may put them off. Are they virgins? Maybe guy 2 is a virgin but is scared to tell you because he may think it is going to put you off him. You will find the right person for you one day. You need to make sure if you really like guy 2, he isn't trying to use you for pleasure. These men sound like they only want you for sex ect. You aren't doing anything wrong. They aren't the right people for you. I would focus on the exams and put the exams first before anything else, then once you've finished the exams you can try and get into a serious relationship. They sound like idiots. Find someone who wants you for who you are x
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