A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's the deal..my boyfriend of 12yrs. just told me that on my birthday his family is going to have a sweet 16 birthday party for his niece. I was so hurt this is my 30th birthday and was so excited! Because he had told me that he was going to throw me a party. Like I've done for him almost every year. He told me that when they told him the day of the party, he didn't realize that they had said it was my birthday till later that night.That hurt even more! Its like he forgot it. His family has seen us grow up..we were high school sweethearts and every yr. they never remember my birthday and I'm fine w/that. Well I ignore it. I remember all of there's, and we clebrate there's every year w/a get together. Even for his in-laws. Granted were not married but we do live together. I don't get why they all get remebred but me..every yr! We all get along I don't have any ploblems w/them at all. We don't argure or anything like that. They include me in everything. Why they don't do anything special for my birthday beats me.But this time pushed it way too far. His neices birthday is in October so why there planing it 3months later makes no sense. and I'm so hurt and I really don't know if I should say something or not? When he told me the news he got so defensive and all I said was "okay". I mean what can he or I do. I just feel so negelated so left out. He said we can celebrate it there at her party..but its not the same. Its my birthday and what was suppose to be my first birthday party that I didn't threw myself or pay for. The first birthday that he was actually going to try and make me feel special. I make a deal for his ever since we met. and all ever got was dinner. I threw him huge partys went all out for him. I don't want want to be at a sweet 16 on my 30th! I hate them... and he knows that. Well its jealousy. when I was suppose to have mine my grandmother passed so it was canceled. Understnadable. So should I say something or just stay quiet? I really need to know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): You are a grown girl, but this sure doesn't read like that. Sounds to me like your boyfriend got all non-communicative because he doesn't like being stuck in the middle of two people behaving unreasonably.Surely at this age your boyfriend is capable of organising a party that doesn't start until late in the evening. Then you can make an cameo appearance at the Sweet 16, wish the niece all the happiness of the day, and explain that you'll be leaving about 8pm because you've been invited to your 30th birthday party.Back at your house, your bf has arranged for some friends to be present to deal with the unfashionably early guests. Then you arrive about 8pm, along with everyone else. Your bf cooks some sophisticated hand-held food, such as tapas on a BBQ, or some other food welcome at 9pm. You circulate, pour the champers, choose the music, there's some dancing, and then later there's your cake. About 4am you flop into bed totally exhausted.As you can see, you can have a perfectly fine and memorable celebration whilst not insulting a teenage girl. The need to develop adept handling of human relationships is very much a theme of your 30s, so even that seems just right.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): .. I was thinking the exact same thing as i was reading it Midge.. But you just ruined it now... Lol!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): start planning your own birthday party, organise a night to remember, to hell with the 'sweet 16th', its your day!even better plan a few days away if you can.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 May 2010):
 If the niece's birthday is in October but is actually celebrated months later, why don't you just do the same ? Why don't you tell yr bf to pick a dated one month after or before yr real birthdate and throw you the best party ever ?
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A
female
reader, lil ladyy  +, writes (1 May 2010):
 They seem out of order to as if they are being nice to face but sniddy behide your back like with this party they could have made it the weekend after yours or something and if i was you i wouldnt go not on my 30th and i think your bf should stay with you you should not let his family do this and nor should he !!!!
Anyway you should ask him to go dinner and clubbing or sank you want to do or have a party with your mates and family and him. forget about them and what they want they could and should have done it anufer weekend
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (1 May 2010):
 If his nieces birthday party is supposidly being celebrated 3 months early, does that not seem strange to anyone? And also on the same day as your 30th?
Is it not possible that they are organising your 30th birthday party and the reason he hasnt said anything to them is the fact that they dont want to let slip that its for you???
Just a though??
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