A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's ex partner is a nightmare - and I feel like we're constantly looking over our shoulders.Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year. Things are great between the two of us and we are very happy.The problem we have is that his ex girlfriend is a complete nightmare. I knew when I got together with my boyfriend that he'd had trouble with the breakup, it was messy and things were said and he lost a lot of friends from things she had told people but I never asked questions because at the time it was nothing to do with me.Within two weeks of me and my BF being together she had already followed us to a bar in town. She constantly slanders him on social media and now she has started slandering me too- Both me and my bf are professionals (I am a manager and he is a director of his own company) so this sort of behaviour could be problematic for the pair of us. Things had started to cool down and she was leaving us alone but at Christmas she started again with the direct comments on social media, then my phone went missing one evening when we were shopping and turned up an hour later at the bar she worked at, it was "handed in" and the day after this happened my boyfriends car had a bottle smashed over the top of the roof (she lives a five minute walk away from his house)I can't say that the phone and car vandalism was her, it could have been coincidence. My problem is that now, I constantly find myself checking her pages everyday to check if she's said anything about me and my partner as a way of damage limitation (accusations could affect our jobs and I have a son), but it's started to become obsessive and I can't stop, I don't know what to do.Will we ever be free of her? We have always gone out of our way not to parade our relationship around, we even leave bars in town if we see her there but it's getting to the point where we're constantly having to watch our backs.
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female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx +, writes (19 February 2019):
 Ignore the messages she posts. If you just let it role over your shoulders and ignore her she will eventually get fed up. She is posting these things hoping that you will read them, which means she's winning at her objective at trying to get to you.
I understand that she is childish but can you arrange a get together with her and talk through it? If not maybe consider blocking her on any social media to stop yourself from feeling the need to check up on what she is writing about you both.
As for any damage to cars or any personal items consider reporting these to get them on record, this could give you an harassment law suit or consider getting a restraining order
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2019): Does your country have stalking laws? If so go to the police and press charges for stalking and slander.
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A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (18 February 2019):
 Sorry but I feel that you are putting this on yourself. You call yourself a professional but do not act the part.Why are you checking her social media and getting all worked up on it? 90% of your post is about what she is saying on social media. Be mature about this - stop checking her social media and stressing about what she is putting there. Live your life with your boyfriend, stop obsessing over what she is doing.OK so you saw her at the same Bar that you and your boyfriend went to.. what proof do you have that she followed you both there? What proof do you have that she stole your phone and did what she did to your boyfriend's car? You are creating a lot of unnecessary drama and in your words 'nightmare'. Stop it.Unless she is in front of your face telling you all this and doing things to you.. treat her as if she is invisible. Focus on your life with your boyfriend. You have no solid evidence that she did anything. The only basis you have of your accusations and assumptions is the fact that she posts negatively about your and your boyfriend on social media. You word your post in a way that you are the victim.. but of WHAT?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 February 2019):
 What does your boyfriend say about his ex's behaviour? As she is HIS ex, he is the one who should be sorting this out (in my opinion).
If she is posting untrue things about you on social media, keep screenshots of everything as evidence and perhaps send a solicitor's letter advising that, if she does not stop, she risks legal action being taken against her. If it is just stupid name calling, then you need to be the bigger person and rise above it.
You can't control what she does, annoying as it is. However, you CAN control what YOU do and how you react. Obsessively checking her posts is not healthy. She is living rent-free inside your head. Either do something to bring all this to a head or decide that what she posts is nothing to do with you and she is a sad person who is lashing out and deserves pity.
Just one cautionary note here: if she is saying bad things about your boyfriend, bear them in mind because, vindictive as she is being, there is probably at least a bit of truth in what she says. People say you don't know someone until you live with them. I have a different take on this. I believe you don't know someone until you split up with them. That is usually when they really show their true colours. (Speaking from experience, lol.)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2019):
 Well, honestly?
It really depends on what she says about you. If it's name calling like slag/twat... whatever... I'd SIMPLY ignore it. Not much you can do about that.
If they are libel (Libel is an untrue defamatory statement that is made in writing) and can SERIOUSLY affect your career, I would first contact FB and see what can be done to take down EVERY single post SHE has made with your name in it.
Secondly, (again if it IS libel not just her sprouting name calling and general bull crap) I would contact a solicitor or perhaps Citizen's advice. She might need to be "scared" straight with a letter from a solicitor.
So IF that is the case, I'd go through her social media and find all libel posting and print them out/screenshot them and bring them to a solicitor.
So while I NORMALLY would say I don't GIVE a single F what some stranger thinks of me online or off-line, I JUST DON'T care. I would not take harassment lying down either NOT if it affected my career. It it's just shit talking.. I'd shrug it off and BLOCK her social media and thus stay away from them.
As for whether she took your phone or not.. Don't go there. You can't prove it so it IS pointless. I hope that you are SMART enough to have a pass-lock/password on your phone so she got SQUAT out of it. If you didn't, you should.
The vandalism, If you reported it to the Police there might be some CCTV that can show who did it, IF you are lucky. And IF she was involved it can also help the harassment/libel issue.
The longer she gets away with this, the more she might escalate. Right now, she has the both of you by the balls. So GROW some and find a LEGAL way to shut her up.
That would be my advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2019): If you knew in-advance the guy was undergoing post-breakup drama; you just unwisely invited yourself into it. This should teach you to use discretion before placing yourself in the middle of someone else's ongoing battles. Now you're an unwilling-participant.
You'll continue these issues until he files a retraining order, or order of protection. He should report incidents of vandalism whether you know who did it or not. Always ask your neighbors if anyone saw anything. Park your car in a well lit area, or someplace you can always see it. Get a car-alarm to make sure vandals or thieves can't easily get near it.
She's tracking him with his phone; so he has to turn-off his GPS phone locator; or better yet, change his phone! Stop going to places where he used to take her! What on earth are you doing at the bar where she works? Are you a glutton for punishment, or what? You sit there drinking where she can watch your every move, and do who knows what to your drinks???
Report any acts of vandalism. Block her on social media, find a new hangout out of town, report abuse to the social media site, change both your phone numbers or phones, file a police complaint, and move.
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