A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay everyone im having problems with my boyfriends girl best friend. A week or 2 ago he hugged her and I told him he needed to chose between me or her. He chose me they stopped having out and barley talked unless it was about their phone bill cause they have a shared plane. Anyway she texted him last night and said "he died" we thought she was talking about bus dog that he gave her because we couldn't keep him. So he called her and asked . Come to find out it was one of her ex's . They kept talking and she said " I wish you could hug me right now" and then they kept talking then she said " I love you" and he said it back. So of course I flip out on him he ended up getting off the phone with her and he told me that he didn't mean it that way that he was trying to make her feel better since someone close to her died. He called her back and told her that i wasnt okay with them telling each other they love each other and that I found it disrespectful. They talked for a bit and she Hung up on him cause he was talking to me. Then she sent him a text that said " this is bs your always gonna put her first over me and our friendship I can't ever tell youvi love you in a friend way without her making a big deal out of it you can't even be there for me anymore because of her shes pushing me away from you. And he told her that he didn't know what to say because I'm his girlfriend and I'm supposed to be put first. And then she sent him another text that said if you care about me and love Me as a friend you'll prove it he didn't text her back so she kept texting him she sent another text saying she was close to just walking away. My question is should I just end things with my boyfriend. She has told him once that she wanted to date him and I feel like she's just going to keep causing us problems.
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male
reader, Stoney1215 +, writes (5 October 2013):
Is she his ex or his friend ? If she is an ex kick her to the curb. If she is his friend he made the wrong decision on your ultimatum. Not only does he lose a friend by choosing you but he also let you tell him he is not allowed to be friends with a girl as long as he is with you.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 October 2013):
 I feel so sorry for your boyfriend. one demanding girl in your life is enough. He's got two, tugging him in opposite directions and he's trying so hard to find the middle ground to make you both happy. She expects too much as a friend and you expect too much as a girlfriend. I seriously feel sorry for that dude. I'd run away from you both.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 October 2013):
I agree that your insecurity might be as much to blame here as his friendship, but I don't think you should dump him.
You should tell him that you're giving him one last chance. With her recent outburst you don't want them to have any more contact. Tell him that if you even suspect they've been talking, you're gone.
Normally I wouldn't suggest this, because I don't think opposite sex friendships are wrong, but she obviously does not understand boundaries and so I think she lost the right to be his friend.
Understand that if you give him an ultimatum, he has every right to tell you to leave. More than likely he'll continue talking to her behind your back, at which point you can dump him.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (4 October 2013):
 Maybe you should end things with your fella.
But not because of him. More because of you.
It sounds like your boyfriend is a pretty trustworthy guy. All he did was hug her, and you flipped out and set an ultimatum? And I understand why he would reply "I love you" to her if she's upset about someone she was close to dying. Sounds like this was right in front of you, so I'd assume that it really was in the spirit of friendship.
I know you don't trust HER, but what has he done to make you not trust HIM? Sounds like he's done all the right things so far. He hasn't egged on her affections, or been flirty - he seems to be treating this as nothing more than friendship with her.
So, for your own peace of mind, I think breaking up may be the right thing to do if you can't trust him. Best o' luck!
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