A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI am with my current bf for 3 years, this is my first long term relationship. I love him to bits, i dont mind doing his share of work at home. I thought i found my ideal partner with him, he is sweet, very funny, very confident But he is sweet only when he wants to, other times he ignores me, some times his over confidence irritates me. I can adjuest all these, but he shuts me out when im depressed about issues at work or girlfirnd probelms, i dont complain but will be little bit gloommy, those days i just want him to be there not even talk to me but just to be there. He never even stays at home on those days, i am feeking very lonely, as if im alone even after hving a bf.Am i making a mountain of a mole or is this a big deal. I talked to him about this several times, he says he is sorry he'll be there but never does. What should i do, please help me
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 October 2013):
 One of the fallacies about relationships is you think you'll never be lonely again. Sadly, even married people get lonely and find disconnect with their significant others from time to time.
There are lots of ways to approach your problem and I'll throw out my thoughts. Hopefully one of them resonates with you:
1) If you are lonely and feel left out then speak up! Let him know that you feel like you are drifting apart. Tell him that the relationship is too important for you just to let it slide away. This may mean YOU also have to take initiative: find ways to keep him in your company. Do fun things together, plan date nights, plan a trip, make sure you are having fun together. If all you do is whine and complain in his presence he'll avoid you. The take home message: make sure you aren't a wet blanket in your relationship.
2) I'll be honest -- most guys aren't interested in "chick" problems. While this may be unfortunate because you want to share these things with him, most guys shun these things. Find another friend to share these problems with. Sadly, your boyfriend just doesn't have it in his nature to be the support system you need / want.
3) Take stock of what you have with your boyfriend. You've invested 3 years into it. Is he the guy you truly see as your partner? While no one can be a 100% partner in everything you need, does he at least meet most of your requirements? If not, then I think you need to seriously consider getting out. He is unlikely to change given his pattern and if you are looking for someone to have a stronger emotional intimacy level with you, you may be left "wanting."
Eddie
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 October 2013):
Unfortunately, after talking with someone multiple times with no success in getting them to change, you have to make a choice: do you leave them and try to find someone who you're more compatible with, or do you accept their flaws and stay, without complaining about this issue.
Because at that point YOU made the decision to stay with this person, so it's your problem to deal with, not theirs. "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." It's the same concept.
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