A
female
age
30-35,
*hadow Rose
writes:Here's what happened the first time:My boyfriend was invited by me to my grandmother's halloween party for the family, so he can meet my family. So a few days before the party, he asked if his brother can tag along. He said he had to watch his brother and make sure he didn't get into trouble. (mandatory, pretty much). I agreed, and things were a little awkward, like when we tried to kiss and stuff, he'd make comments.THEN, when we met up for the mall, his brother tagged along for the majority of the time.Now we're celebrating my 18th birthday by going to the reniassance fair. It's this saturday, all the plans have been made, food purchased, et cetera. Suddenly, he's asking if his brother can go.So first off, is it selfish/rude that I dont want his brother coming along? And secondly, if its not, how to I say I dont want his brother to join us without sounding rude?Its not that I dont like his brother, it's just that I'm dating my boyfriend, not the two of them! My sister never tags along! This only started happening recently...
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (29 October 2011):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the question to k_c100, He came to the last family get togerher, actually. But this is supposed to be a special thing for me and my bf, not an actual party. I chose this instead of one, but the family celebrated my birthday at the get together.
Thanks everyone. I wont dump my bf for this, because usually its their foster mom who keeps insisting he goes along. But neither seem to mind this third wheel thing.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 October 2011):
 P.S. IF he isn't able to accomodate this reasonable request... then DUMP HIM and find a REAL B/F!!!!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 October 2011):
I suggest that you sit his sorry bottom down... face him... and, as politely as you can, say, "... (his name) I really like you... and love the time we spend together... but I have NO INTENTION of continuing to date with your BROTHER along... so, please, figure out how to keep his sorry bottom out of the picture.... IF you want to keep seeing me...."Should work.....Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2011):
 Honestly, I think you can ask your BF to NOT bring his little brother for YOUR birthday celebration. I mean can't their PARENTS watch the kid just this once?
Yes, I think it would be ok for you to tell your BF, that you would like for him to NOT bring the brother, that you want to just spend it with HIM.
It would drive me up the wall to always have a 3rd wheel around.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 October 2011):
 I actually think it would be a bit rude of you to say you dont want the brother at your birthday party, after all you have to try and get on with your partner's family, that is part of relationships and birthdays are family gathgerings, so I dont see why you shouldnt invite the brother along.
Now he shouldnt be tagging along on ALL of your dates, that is wrong - but family parties, birthdays etc I think if you are serious about this relationship then you have to accept his family and be nice by inviting them to your birthday at the very least.
I think you need to speak to your boyfriend - say yes to the brother coming to your birthday, but explain that you are not happy with him tagging along for all of your dates. Say it is fine for family parties etc but you want some time just the two of you and he cant keep coming along every time you go out.
Relationships mean that you have to accept your partner for who they are, even if they have annoying family members that is part of the package. And you should make an effort to involve the family at certain times, especially birthdays and other holidays (Christmas etc).
Allow the brother to come to your birthday but make it very clear to your boyfriend that when it is just a date it should just be the two of you, he cant keep coming to everything.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (28 October 2011):
 Does the brother not have any friends of his own???
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