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female
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*emmac
writes: Me and my bf have been having probs for a while arguin and that, but i love him and wanted to make it work. Today i had a look on the computer at the sites that have been recently viewed and he has a account with a "friend finder" and had wrote down fantasies and picked out girls he likes. He kept this secret from me and now ive found out he says it was only for a laugh. HELP what do i do. It has really hurt me joke or not. Advice needed please!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, gemmac +, writes (17 January 2006):
gemmac is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi, thanks everyone for your advice. We have talked it through and got everything sorted. I think it was half and half, i havent really given him much attention lately. But its all sorted and we had the best sex ever last night. Sorry if thats a bit too much info!!!! I told him if it ever happens again were finished. Once again thanks for the advice hope i can do the same for you one day. Gemma
A
female
reader, MilanaNYC21 +, writes (16 January 2006):
 Women should adhere to a no-nonsense policy if they ever wish to be fully respected by males. If you allow him to randomly search the internet for females, he will. In my opinion, I think you should leave the pitiful boy to carry out his high school fantasies, and perhaps when he is man enough to handle a real relationship, you can decide if you still want him. Dont get mad my dear, GET EVEN!
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (16 January 2006):
 Your boyfriend is trying to innocently excuse away what he did by saying it was a joke. He was caught and now he is trying to make light of it, like its no big deal. He knows what he did was wrong, though he will never admit that to you. If he thinks its such a joke, then maybe you should get the last laught and break up with him.
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A
female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (16 January 2006):
 Of course it hurts! It's no joke. He just said that it was a joke because he was looking for a quick cover-up when you found out his dirty little secret.
You must have seen this coming if you deliberately went on the computer and checked the website history. I'm sure that you had some nagging suspicion, some reason not to trust him completely.
Well, he's obviously not satisfied with the relationship if he's on a "Friend Finder" picking out girls that he likes in his spare time. Try talking to him about your concerns. Tell him that you want him to be as honest as possible with you. If he is willing to admit that it wasn't a joke, then discuss what you can do as a couple, if anything, to improve your relationship, so that he isn't tempted to look elsewhere for fulfillment.
If he continues to be dishonest, then break things off. Have some respect for yourself, and don't stay in a relationship where you argue a lot, can't trust your partner, and are lied to.
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