A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please i need some answers mainly from men... Iv been with my boyfriend for 10months now and from the start we had sex quite a lot, not as much as id like to because he worked a lot running his own business. anyway we moved into a new house a few months ago and from then iv found out hes been looking at porn on his computer and then going to the toilet to masturbate which iv heard. i wouldnt mind this as i know all men do it but what i don't get is that he does it more then he has sex with me and im starting to feel really down about it. Iv asked why we wasnt having much sex and he said hes stressed with work and bills which i understand but why does he masturbate and watch porn when im here always willing? i mean everything is perfect with us we never fight we have a laugh but this is really getting me down and iv thought about leaving him but i love him so much and he loves me too..??
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female
reader, charliesdevil73  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 Just becasue your madly in love doesn't mean he is. If he wasn't having much sex with you, but sleeping with his ex wife, he is not satisfied with what you bring to the bed. Most men cheat because they want something their woman won't do. Sometimes it's a deeper issue, but that's the usual one.
If you really want to stay with him, ask him why he cheated. If he still denies he cheated, find proof of the affair and show it to him. But just so you know, most men who cheat once will do it again. Especially if you give them a second chance, because there could be a third chance, fourth chance, and so on. Whatever you decide, really take the time to think it through. Take time apart from him if you have to do so. Either way, make sure you are willing to feel again what you felt when he said he cheated on you...just in case.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (25 January 2011):
 An affair huh. Not good indeed. Good luck with your choice of action, but I wouldn't plan on him changing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys after all that it turned out that he was cheating on me with his ex wife!! He's saying he hasnt he was only helping her out with money. Iv given him a 2nd chance (which mmost of you will think im mad) But im mad in love with this guy and i believe he wont do it again and he knows hes made a mistake!!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 Perhaps you might watch with him and help with his self satisfaction, things might evolve into a twosome.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (3 December 2010):
Tell him how you feel about it. Tell him what you said, he seems to being having more sex with himself then with you. If you are worried, he should be made aware of it. It's probably the extra stress. He may feel that when he does himself, it's all about him. Then, when it's with you, he has to make sure you get off too. That can add extra stress. I'm not saying it's right to have sex with you less, just trying to explain the possibilities. But, seriously, talk to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): I would wish him and his hand a long and fruitful life together AND I would promptly exit.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 November 2010):
Talk to him about how it makes you feel. Tell him you wish he would turn to you instead of his hand, even if he just needs a quick release.
Really, to many guys, sex is actually stressful. While very enjoyable, we're often very concerned about making sure we please our partner. When you're already stressed, this is a worry you just don't want. Knocking a quick one out helps ease the stress due to endorphin/seratonin release from orgasm without the added physical or mental stress that working to please your partner gives you.
Tell him you want to be a part of his stress release. That you don't need him to have sex with you but would be willing to offer your hand to replace his when he wants it.
Take a look at the Pornography tab on the right side of the screen on the main page. You'll see that there are a lot of people in similar situations.
This doesn't have to get you down, but you need to address it. Just do your best to come at it from the "I want to help you" perspective rather than the "You make me feel worthless" one. The first facilitates a conversation, the second will make him defensive, more stressed, and less likely to turn to you.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (29 November 2010):
I can see why it would get you down, and there could be a reason behind the lack of bedroom action which he's not letting on, but talking should always help.
men watching porn is nothing surprising, but you say he does it while you're there. perhaps watch some with him or if you know he's off to the toilet, try offering a helping hand or mouth so to speak and see how that goes.
it could be a way in.
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