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female
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anonymous
writes: Should I make my boyfriend's unwillingness to give me oral sex an issue?First, I go down on him quite a bit, and enjoy it, so I feel like in that respect it should be reciprocated. However, in the past at least, oral sex has never made me orgasm so it isn't essential, and I've told him this. He says he really just doesn't enjoy doing it, claiming to be very sensitive to the strong taste and smell...and that he actually threw up after going down on an ex once. A few months ago he mentioned a few times how he was going to try to go down on me. I got excited, but he still hasn't done it...and he got defensive when I brought it up, saying he had to be in the "right mood."I'd hate to ruin the relationship over this by giving him an ultimatum (very good otherwise), but it bothers me that I give so much and he has yet to even try to reciprocate in that area (after 6 months!). I also think he's worried he won't be any good...but how can I reassure him if we can't even talk about it?! Any advice?
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female
reader, beyonce27  +, writes (13 April 2007):
I am sort of in the same situation.My husaband wants me to perform oral sex on him but refuses to perform oral sex on me.The difference is that I hate performing oral sex on him but he insists so much.I love oral sex being performed on me but he refuses to to do it.I feel that either he is taking adventage of me or he finds that I smell more than his past girlfriends.
Angel
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): Just make it clear that you want to experience this, that him giving oral sex to you will make you feel closer to him (and that you'll greatly enjoy it). Tell him it's something that you want. If he becomes someone who reciprocates, good for you. If not, then you have to ask yourself if you're ok with never receiving oral sex again. Many couples have very one-sided relationships with respect to oral sex. Maybe you're that way, maybe you're not. I disagree with the woman who replied on Feb 22 - you can't simply have "faith" that you'll change someone. You should never hope to change your significant other. That almost always leads to disappointment.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): Dump his ass... I mean if you do him he should do you. Its only fair. No girl loves giving head! Nobody really even likes it, the only reason girls do it is to make there man feel good. Could you go without it forever?? I couldnt!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): I'm in pretty much exactly the same situation. My boyfriend and I love each other very much and the relationship is going extremely well. Except that he never goes down on me and when I ask him to he gets defensive and says he will when he's ready--whenever that will be. I enjoy oral sex very much--both giving and receiving. I don't want to go the rest of my life without it.
But even though I'm disappointed that he doesn't like oral, I will not give him an ultimatum because as I said, I love him very much, he loves me and is very good to me in every other way and I do believe that over time he will come around. I'm not giving up and neither should you as long as you two love each other and the relationship is fine overall. You need to have faith that things will work themselves out.
The only thing is, just make sure he understands that at some point you do expect him to make more of an effort to give you oral because of how good it would make you feel. And guys like to do what it takes to please their partners right? The trick is to not be too pushy with the issue or that might just drive him away. Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): Yeah, it seems extreme to dump him over this if things really are good otherwise. If you try and force the issue it will likely just backfire...he wouldn't enjoy it and thus it almost definitely wouldn't be enjoyable for you, and it would lead to even more resentment. Give him time...and if you don't get off on it anyway, concentrate on what you do get off on!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): well I'm in the same situation if i can say so, coz my GF never had and probably never will perform oral sex on me. At first I was abit annoyed coz she's the first woman I've been with and I was feeling kinda curios how it would feel and also I do give her nice oral sex(coz i like to), but finnaly I understood that its just not pleasurable for her and she shouldn't do anything that's not pleasurable. I can live without it and I don't think it can affect a relationship . U are a fool if U gonna leave him for that. Don't listen to some stupid advice I see people gave U here ! ! ! ! ! ! !
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): Don't "give" even once more before he performs oral on you. Actually, he sounds like a loser to me (no offense). What a dope he must be.
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female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (15 November 2006):
 It sounds to me like he has had a bad experience prior to yourself and making a bid deal or giving him an ultimatum at this stage would definately be the wrong thing to do!
recently I went to a sex and relationship workshop, they do have a bananna flavoured sheet which men can use when performing oral sex. If the smell and taste has overwhelmed him in the past, this may be the ideal thing for you!
vist your local family planning and get some as soon as you can!! Once you have used this flavoured sheet on him!! whilst performing oral sex and given him the confidence that there are ways and means who knows....
Let him explore and do this in his own time, make him aware that you are prepared to wait, and once he has teased you enough to drive you wild, Im sure it will become a natural part of your love making!
if he cannot bring himself to perform oral sex despite your constant re assurance and patience, I suggest that you yourself stop performing oral sex for a while, perhaps then he will understand exactly how you are feeling.
Good Luck and Kindest Regards
Adelaide
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male
reader, jack23 +, writes (15 November 2006):
 If he enjoys the oral sex maybe it would be an idea to hold back from giving him any. This should alert him to what you are missing out on and convince him to give it a go.
Give him time tho, past experience has taught him that its not fun, he needs to learn that things are different with you.
Good luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): He obviously doesn't enjoy giving head, so trying to coax him into it will just make you feel more rejected if he refuses. All you can try and do is to make the experience more enjoyable for him if he agrees to it. Suggest it after enjoying a bath together or use flavoured lubricants or body chocolate etc. You dont want to push him into to it, and you certainly wouldn't want him to throw up on you! Some people dont like to give head but I'm sure there are still many other ways to enjoy sex with him. I understand that you feel upset that he doesn't reciprocate the gesture but if you enjoy giving it to him. Keep doing what you enjoy.
Good luck
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