A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 months now. So far are three months up to now had been perfect, no argueing, no fights, no huge issues, everything had been smooth and lovely. I was acutally thinking yesterday how perfect things were, thats when they went wrong however :/ My boyfriend has had a previous reputation for being abit of a man-whore, however alot of people always have said that he has always been well behaved and turstworthy during relationships. There were one or two people however who disagreed, and told me to be careful and watch, due to the way he has treated me, I would never even imagine him cheating on me or talking to another girl, just because hes always been so respectful around me. But once again I was wrong. Last night, me and him have a little joke where we basically hack eachothothers facebooks and write silly little statuses. Last night I got hold of his phone and went on facebook to basically write a funny status, to my suprise he was halfway through a convo with another girl, and I couldn't exactly ignore it. I scrolled up one or two messages and basically saw he has been saying things like, "I bet I can make you louder than ever" and " Your so cute". That was enough evidence for me, I kicked him out, and went to speak to him later that night, surprisingly he had no excuses, he just said he was sorry, and that it was a moment of weakness and he would never do it again. He spent the whole night trying to convince me not to leave him, and even though I feel so strongly for him, I am now thinking is it worth it? He told me he met the girl about a week ago, and had a ten minute convo with her and then they ended up speaking on facebook. I really trusted him, more than anyone, I've heard the whole "I won't do it again story" from previous boyfriends and they have all done it again, I even said if he was going to do it again, then to just dump me instead of hurting me mutiple times. I am now even wondering is there more to this? How can I ever trust him again without getting controlling? I'm really stumped for what to do, I have had abusive relationships in the past and this is the first one where a boy hasn't abused me, hurt me , or even raised his voice to me. I still do feel like this relationship has alot of potential, but how do I trust him again? Is it even worth it? Should I really go through the whole "I won't do it again story" in hope that he is different? :/Help :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your answers. What everyone has said is what my heads telling me, but my heart is telling me something different. I wanted it to work so badly that all of this has come as a massive shock, and well I just had so much hope that this one would work. I'm not to sure what to do at the moment, so i'm going to take a couple of days without any contact and just thinking it over.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 I LOVE the "moment of weakness" defense that guys call up when they have been caught in an infidelity.....
IF I actually acted out every "moment of weakness" that I'd ever experienced... I swear, I'd still be in bed with about the 10000th girl over who I had a "moment of weakness" over....
Women are not using all their brain when they give guys a "Pass" for this lame excuse for an excuse....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 February 2013):
 Its not worth it - you are too young and the relationship is too new for this to be worth trying to save. Ok so if you had been together for years, it would be a different story - but if he cant control himself after only a couple of months being with you, then he is definitely going to get worse as time goes on.
At your age relationships should be fun and lighthearted, you dont need to bog yourself down with trust issues and cheating, its just not worth it.
The facts are he met another girl - he MET someone else, which means he saw a girl he liked, started chatting to her, and then either he added her or she added him (and if that was the case he accepted). You dont MEET new people when you are in a relationship, that is just not ok. Ok having a 10 minute chat with a friend, or friend of a friend is fine, but meeting new girls and then connecting over Facebook? That is wrong, pure and simple and is a clear indicator of your boyfriends committment to you.
Even if she added him, he still had the chance to reject her friend request and he didnt need to take it as far as he did. It got sexual very quickly, and he is clearly attracted to her, so you have got a cheater on your hands here and you wont be able to trust him anymore.
Dont waste your time with men who cheat or are abusive, not at your age. Your teenage years should be the best of your life, this is the only time you are truly free to have fun with no responsibilities. My favourite years were my A-Level years (16-18), never again have I had so much fun and I doubt I ever will (I'm 25 now).
Dont allow yourself to waste the best years of your life with jerks and abusers, there are plenty more guys out there who wont cheat and who wont hurt you, so dont settle for an immature little jerk like this.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (27 February 2013):
 The guy is a cheat. If you have any self-respect he is OUT. He's history. He can't be trusted. What more is there to know?
Without trust there is no relationship. If you can't trust him then it certainly WILL end. It's just a matter of time. Sure, you can stick around and watch your relationship end up in the toilet as it inevitably will, or you can just move on now, not waste your time and find another guy who treats you right and can be trusted.
My advice is leave. Simple.
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