A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I really need some help my boyfriend wants to join the marines and i really dont want him to. We were gonna get married soon but i told him i dont wanna marry him before he goes cause i dont want to be newly weds and never get to see him. We also wanted to start a family right away but i dont want to raise the baby alone so i said that will have to wait to. I also said that stuff cause im trying to talk him out of going and it worked for awhile but now he says he dont care he will wait to marry me and have kids so he can go. I worry about him to much and miss him so much when hes gone for awhile if any thing ever happend to him there i dont know what i would do with my self. Please help me what can i do to show him he shouldnt join? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): You two got some pretty incompatible goals and priorities.
Show him the statistics about divorces, suicides and deaths caused by being on the line of duty.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks for the ansewrs. We talked about it and he asked why i dint want him to go and i said cause "i love you and i care about you if i dint care about you i woundnt care if you go". Then he said he wont go then. Its not some thing he dreams of doing this was the fisrt time he ever brought it up.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (1 September 2010):
Let me tell you something. Once someone has made the decision to join the army, marines or air force, they usually can't be talked out of it. Not unless they aren't entirely sure of it and if your bf is prepared to put marriage and kids on hold to fulfill his duty, your chances of changing his mind are slim.
So what exactly don't you want him to join? You mention safety and a long time away from eachother, but have you actually researched those two things? How long will he be away for and what danger will he be in? Have you looked up the specifics yet?
Talk to him about why he wants to do this. Listen to his reasons and consider them without judging beforehand. Then, after researching your concerns, if you still want to talk him out of it, tell him why you don't want him to and see if you can work it out.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 September 2010):
 I agree with CaringGuy. Being together means encouraging each other to follow their dreams. When you try to hold him back, and if he tried to hold you back from what you dream of, that causes real issues in life. He would resent you.
You have a decision to make. Either you love him enough to let him follow his dream of the military, or you realize your dreams of a happy family with a husband and father who's there 24/7, and that unfortunately will be someone other than the guy you're with.
I am glad you're not trying to trap him by getting pregnant early and stuff. That at least shows some maturity. But you need to decide if you want to be a military wife. You can't decide it by forcing or coercing your boyfriend not to join.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 September 2010):
You must let him do this. If you don't, and you make a fuss, he will resent you for the rest of your life. If this is what he wants to do with his life, then he needs to do it. No matter how hard that is for you, this is something you either have to accept, or walk away from entirely. You won't be alone. Here in the UK, there are groups for wives and girlfriends of marines and other army personnel. While their husbands/boyfriends are away, they get together and support each other. So I'd suggest looking around for a support group.
But you must not stop him from doing this. If you do, come ten years time he will probably resent you for it. He has to do this. I'm afraid those are the breaks here. If that means that children and marriage have to wait, then that's what it means. You have a choice of being by his side, or walking away entirely. But you can't convince him not to go, then expect him to be happy in his life when he hasn't completed what he wanted to do. If this is what he wants to do, then he needs to do it. You can either be there, or not be there.
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