A
female
age
41-50,
*anisevil
writes:Ok so now my Long term boyfriend has asked if he could call me by another girls name during sex. Im very uncomfrotable and seriously am thinking of breaking us up. Is this normal??? And then when I told him no he went soft during sex. Lost his hard on. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): thats so upsetting :( maybe its just his way of getting hard, but still its not acceptable
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 Sounds like the writing's been on the wall for your relationship for a while. It's probably time to call it quits. You don't trust him and why should you? He wanted to call you by someone else's name, that's just weird and wrong. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (21 May 2013):
"Or Mybe he cheated Idk. But he been seriously acting out porn with me for some time."
He may be addicted to porn and can't separate fantasy from reality. What was the name he called you?
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A
female
reader, danisevil +, writes (21 May 2013):
danisevil is verified as being by the original poster of the question Based on the fact that he didnt talk about role play before the request and I simply dont believe him. Im pretty sure even tho he didnt give me a answer as too who she is I think Its a porn Star. That um strangely he may be crushing on. Or Mybe he cheated Idk. But he been seriously acting out porn with me for some time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Get to the bottom of this concerning the origins of the name.
If he doesn't like it, I would bit him farewell.
Create a new name together and see if he can use that. That would involve role-playing for both of you.
It hasn't happened to me but I have this picture in my mind of me having sex with some chick and her screaming "Harder Bob!" when my name is obviously not Bob. Not a pretty picture.
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A
female
reader, danisevil +, writes (21 May 2013):
danisevil is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said it was role play after I got mad. To me role play is not that. Thats not role play.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 I suspected there was more to this than just a name, as did the others no doubt.
You and your boyfriend's better days are behind you. Time to look ahead and move on.
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A
female
reader, danisevil +, writes (20 May 2013):
danisevil is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI been not happy with him for a while been thinking he cheating we lived together he moved out. He was thinking of leaving me over something I didnt do. I proved I didnt do it. But he has not made any moves to move back in with me which just makes me thinking he cheated even more..
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (20 May 2013):
If it's a pornstar's name I'd say that is quite disturbing, someone should not be that interested in a 2d image. If it's roleplay it's normally discussed before hand.
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A
female
reader, danisevil +, writes (20 May 2013):
danisevil is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh my ok. the name was christy.. I did try to breakup with him But he won't leave....he did say role play But that dont make sense to me cause role play to me would not be a real name.But something like a bad nurse a bad teacher.. u know i dont understand that what if it is a porn stars name??I still would not like it...and Truely would change Us to single.. cause im so unhappy...we been together a Long time and that fact that he has caused me to Miss sleep is making me mad. Ugh I cant sleep but listen he had just kinda woken up which up is worse to me cause I always thought he was thinkin of me when we did wake up sex. Now I cant write..
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A
male
reader, ray potts +, writes (20 May 2013):
Hi, well I didn't hear one person saying, most every body after being with some one a long time ,every body has fantasies, every one has done it, me myself ive done it , it does make the sex some times better, as long as they dont act on it, it can be role playing, have fun with it , talk to your partner, you dont want to slip up an say some bodys name, with out talking about it first. That doesnt mean he doesnt love you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): This is Not normal! I'd be very upset
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (19 May 2013):
YouWish summed it up perfectly.
I can't think of any sexual encounter in which I would allow a man to refer to me by another woman's name, celebrity or not. If the person you're with wants to imagine himself with someone else, then he should probably be with someone else.
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (19 May 2013):
No it's not normal.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 May 2013):
 This would not be role play if denying his request made him "go soft". Especially if this other woman's name doesn't sound outlandish and could very well be either someone he knows or knew in real life, or someone he's watching or has watched in porn or another movie.
Either way, unless a guy were to explain his reasons up close and in detail in a way I'd believe, there's no way I'd allow him to remain my boyfriend due to a request like that. In my opinion, his request so cryptically made would make me feel like he was *HAVING* an affair, had accidentally called the other woman by my name, and was just covering his bases in case he were to mess up while having sex with me. See what I mean?
I think he went soft because he's wresting with his cheating in deed or in thought. I'd leave him to be honest, because it's perverse for him not to want to call you your own name, and I know most guys would throw a fit if their girlfriends moaned out another man's name during sex. It wouldn't be such a complicated decision, and it shouldn't be a complicated one here.
Any mental justification you'd make for NOT breaking up with him is only a grasp at staying in denial a little longer. Best end it now.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (19 May 2013):
Did he tell you which name? If it's the name of a celebrity, or a character from a film, then it might just be a fantasy of his. If it's a random name, then I would be more worried, as it could be an ex or someone he likes.
Ask him to explain exactly why, and in any case if you don't feel comfortable with something, then don't do it. If you say no and he calls you another's name that is disrespectful.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 May 2013):
 This can be a problem... I've had it happen a few times, myself.....
It USUALLY happens that we guys call out the name of one of our fantasy girls.... More than once, I've called out "Angie" (Dickenson) or, "Tippy" (Hedron) whilest in the throes of connubial bliss..... And that leads to the predictable embarrassment and repercussions, such as sleeping in my car and going without food for a couple of days....
ON THE OTHER HAND.... this IS a 2-way thing... and, several times, whilest enjoying life's ultimate pleasure with a lady, she has called out the likes of; "Oh, George (Clooney), you make me want to sing like your Aunt Rosemary.." or "Brad, forget Angelina, I'm your's...."...
It's a complicated issue, I agree....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (19 May 2013):
This is odd. Firstly, if the alternative name he wants to use has no significance at all I can’t understand why he would want to use it. If it does have significance to him, what is it? Is it the name of another girl he likes? Is it the name of an ex? Is it a signal that he isn’t happy?
It leaves so many questions unanswered that it’s hardly surprising you don’t feel comfortable with it. Try to find out why he wants to do this but don’t be pressured to accept something you’re not happy with.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, DazedConfused +, writes (19 May 2013):
It wouldnt be for me to be honest. But different strokes for different folks.
I think you need to find out why before you finish with him.
At the same time I do understand why you are upset by it. Try find out what its all about and chat to him about it before you come to a decision.
Its a rather weird thing to ask to be honest.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 For me, being a rather ordinary sort of person, this request of your boyfriend's has me perplexed. I think not knowing his tone of voice or the circumstances under which he asked this of you makes it difficult to answer.
Don't break up with him yet, see if you can find out why he wants to do this, maybe he has a sexy name for you in his head that he associates with you ..... ask him what name and why it is so important. Watch his face and body language to see if you can pick up any clues, it might be a totally innocent reason behind this rather odd request.
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